19 Comments

1. Becca
   Posted Saturday, May 5, 2007 at 10:15 am | Permalink

   I do not think being a stay at home mom is anything to look down on. Many stay at home moms teach their kids the alphabet and how to read before they enter school. And if you decide to home school them the first few years many are often ahead of the public school system. I applaud when children have a stay at home parent. My parents didn’t stay home but we were often at my grandparents and several times a week my dad took either my brother or I to work with him (at the time he owned his own business). Many women take off several years from work when they have a child to stay home with them. Ultimately its your choice how to raise your kids.

2. autumn zephyr
   Posted Saturday, May 5, 2007 at 10:26 am | Permalink

   A Resounding YES! I have been a professional mother since 1997. And it is the most wonderful thing in the world. I breast fed each of my children for a year, and it was worth it all! I have 2 happy healthy, well rounded children. I wouldn’t trade this time for any amount of money or prestige. I’m only going to school now because we have been just this side of welfare for long enough. But even when I graduate and start working, 3 days per week is my maximum, and Chris agrees with me.

3. Angela
   Posted Saturday, May 5, 2007 at 1:08 pm | Permalink

   Ok I know I should have probably read the entire entry but I just can’t help it I just have to say a stay at home mom IS A JOB! Its a frickin 24/7 job! NO BREAKS NOTHING! Being a mom period is a 24/7 job! I can’t stress how awful society is now thinking that isn’t a job and what harm its doing to the family now. …its to the point where its “WHAT FAMILY?!”

   It really upsets me when people look down on this. Its something the church (LDS) pushes for… to have the mom’s stay at home with the kids. I strongly feel it should be that way. A bond between a mother and child is so… sacred that when that bond is broken I truly feel some part of the spirit is lost.

4. Drakky
   Posted Saturday, May 5, 2007 at 1:37 pm | Permalink

   I agree with you 100%. “Choice feminism?” How the fuck is that choice? How the fuck is that feminism? Hirshman apparently selects descriptors based on EXACT OPPOSITE of a concept.

   Being a mother is easily one of the most frightening, heavy responsibilities I can think of. Staying home to raise children is to be admired and respected. It’s what I’d like to do if our income allows one day. =) Certainly I mean no disrespect to those who cannot or will not stay home. Ain’t my decision. But it sure as fuck doesn’t undermine a whole gender when a grown woman CHOOSES of HER OWN ACCORD to give up a job/extra income to raise little ones. For God’s sake, what is feminism if not the ideal that women may choose and be whatever they wish?

   Where did Hirshman come up with this crap? I question her basic language comprehension, honestly. What a disgrace.

5. peppylady
   Posted Saturday, May 5, 2007 at 6:37 pm | Permalink

   I did both stayed home and worked and either way someone will find fault.

   But in general both my hubby and I spend a lot of time with our boys, not money.

6. Steph
   Posted Saturday, May 5, 2007 at 6:52 pm | Permalink

   Another SAHM chiming in. I worked full time my daughter’s first year and missed so much. She was three by the time I was home full time and I can say there was a HUGE difference in her once I was home. I truly believe that a child needs a parent in the home, though sometimes it simply is not possible. However when we lived with her father I gave up everything that was not absolutely necessary it was all worth it.

   Good for you for offering the very best for your future children!

7. the_becka
   Posted Saturday, May 5, 2007 at 9:11 pm | Permalink

   My mom also chose to stay home and look after my siblings and I (she did work part time on weekends, but still, she was home most of the time). She even home schooled my siblings for a couple of years. Anyway, she’s an example of an educated woman who chose to spend time with her kids as oppose to spending time at her job (at the hospital).

8. Cosette
   Posted Saturday, May 5, 2007 at 11:04 pm | Permalink

   While I object to the suggestion that moms who work outside the home are not putting their children first, I totally respect a woman’s right to be a stay-at-home mom. What I find offensive as a feminist is the idea that being a housewife and a mother is not work. These have to be the two most undervalued jobs in America. Housewives and mothers are chefs, maids, managers, organizers, drivers, financial specialists, personal shoppers, bookkeepers, teachers, and so much more. Think about how much people in those individual fields earn.

   Feminism and maternal life are not mutually exclusive nor antithetical. It was largely married mothers who began marching 150 years ago for our right to vote and our right to the custody of our children. Feminism is about choice so don’t let some misguided individuals get you down. They’re simply not moved by the purpose of full freedoms and choices and empowerment of ALL women.

9. ag
   Posted Saturday, May 5, 2007 at 11:09 pm | Permalink

   I think most “feminazis” would agree with you.

10. Kasethen
    Posted Sunday, May 6, 2007 at 2:24 am | Permalink

    My mom, despite being high school and college valedictorian opted to stay home with myself and my siblings when we were born rather than pursue a career. I am deeply thankful for her commitment to raising me…it gave me so many advantages that so many other children unfortunately did not have. I certainly think your choice is very wise and responsible. True “life” really comes in an investment in other people, that they become all they can be–a mother’s investment in her children is incredibly important to their development, and as others have said, serves a most sacred bond of maternal love.

11. Aunt Scan
    Posted Sunday, May 6, 2007 at 6:01 am | Permalink

    Dearheart…In this day an age (and country) having children is a choice. If you choose to do so you give up your own life for 18 years to devote yourself to molding said child/children into a wonderful reflection of you and a productive member of society. That IS a noble job, although one that is woefully underpaid…monitarily at least. Chosing to be a stay-at-home mom in this day and age is a difficult choice due to societal pressure, but if I know anything about you, you’re not one to let societal pressure adversely affect such an important decision. Your (maternal) grandmother was a stay at home mom, and I for one, think she did a fan-friggin-tastic job with (most of) her kids…although I may be just a wee bit prejudiced. LOL.

12. Nio
    Posted Sunday, May 6, 2007 at 6:34 am | Permalink

    Of course, I’m the oddball on this one.

    If one parent stays at home with the kids and the other works, it puts an incredible amount of pressure onto the working parent to 1. stay employed 2. not get hurt, 3, not get ill. Suppose Michael is working in a job he loathes, but he does not feel he can leave to pursue a new job because he’s got the responsibility of the *only* breadwinner supporting a wife and X amount of kids. It also puts an incredible amount of pressure on him not to ever get ill or hurt, because if he does, where’s the money going to come from to support everyone? Putting all your eggs into one basket is not wise.

    This is a capitalistic society. So long as it’s our economic system, staying at home disempowers womyn by turning them into wards of their husbands. SAHM have no income, no autonomy, no economic independance. They rely on their husbands for food, clothing, and shelter and everything else. I’ve seen this in many friends who stay at home and the fights that follow between the spouses: he thinks she spends to much and she does not. But because she has no autonomy, she loses standing in the husband’s eye. And possibly her children’s eyes. Your assuming your kids will respect you for staying home: that’s not always the case. I have one aquantice whose stayed home with her kids. When she was on her 17 year old son to get a job, he refused. His reason: why should he, she didn’t work. Since she set no example for him as his primary caregiver, he felt no need to find employment.

    When I quit my job to go back to school, I became Wolf’s dependant. Never in my life have I felt so disempowered, demeaned, and demoralized. But because I knew there was an end point, so I could live with it. And I pray *every single day* nothing happens to him. It’s a sad day when you realize you’re better off if your husband dies (you’ll get insurance money if there’s a policy) than if your husband becomes ill or is maimed. After all, will you have the job skills to make the amount of money needed to maintain the lifestyle you and your family is accustomed too?

    And I don’t see how teaching you’re children to give up personal economic independance and autonomy is a good lesson. Not only does it teach disempowerment is good, it also teaches children to look at their peers and assume their parents are bad parents because one isn’t staying at home. It says our unequal society is acceptable because you have an ulterior motive.

    It seems the feminist movement is ok for womyn when it suits them. But as soon as we feminists point out the flaw in another womyn’s plan, that is, disempowering yourself is a good idea, we’re called feminazis. I would expect such language from Imus or Rush, but not from fellow womyn.

13. Jaspenelle
    Posted Sunday, May 6, 2007 at 8:11 am | Permalink

    It is nice to get a different opinion on this Nio . I agree with some of what you say, though I don’t think in the way you mean it.

    A lot of women and men are not cut out for the maternal duty and over burden their partner. They do not make a plan before having children and save the emergency fund (6 months of living wage) in case of the illness or quitting of the other spouse that is necessary – rather they depend on credit cards. (Michael and I are in the process of building that financial foundation.) A lot of couples also do not decide on common goals and budgets and equal allowances – ay, most of the time most couples will not even communicate when they feel something is wrong.

    Feminazis… loaded word I know. I do feel you misinterpreted it though, I am referring to women who attempt to force their views on others. The ones who come up to me when they learn my “goal” and berate me. Nothing makes that right. The Nazis forced everyone had to adhere to their way too. Feminists who do this are just as bad as them imo. — I cannot believe that you would condone ripping into a “fellow (equal?) womyn” because they have different opinions. If you do, I guess I completely misread you.

    The rest, about how it teaches your children to be lazy, I don’t agree with, but I doubt we will change each others opinions on that anytime soon, so I won’t get into it. Enough to say that I am not lazy and my mom was a SAHM, my brother is not lazy either. There are always exceptions to the rule which are held up as a standard, I think it depends on the home situation.

    I will never ever call myself a feminist, there is simply because there is so much I do not agree with in the movement and I do not like labels. I will never be a fellow womyn in any way shape or form. I am ok with that though because I am in my own movement of fellow women.

    Most of the time our two sides do not seem to be able to get along, which is too bad, especially since I always thought feminism was about personal choice.

14. Jaspenelle
    Posted Sunday, May 6, 2007 at 10:24 am | Permalink

    Maybe I was a little dismissive of working mom’s. When I was first in school, my mother worked for a couple years until we moved to France and that worked out well too. Being a SAHM is not always financially feasible or for everyone. Sometimes if I wonder if we hadn’t of moved if my mother would have become a SAHM.

15. Jaspenelle
    Posted Sunday, May 6, 2007 at 10:30 am | Permalink

    Amen.

    Did your mother start working after you all left home?

16. Nana T.
    Posted Sunday, May 6, 2007 at 11:16 am | Permalink

    Dear Granddaughter – You are special and agree with your idea of stay home Moms. I was one although with 5 children it was a financial struggle but well worth it. I think you will agree all did well and now we are into the second generation and several of them wish to be stay home mothers if possible – the traditional family Dad & Mom) according to all true statistics still produces the most stable and disciplined children.
    Well done with your comments. love and prayers Nana T.

17. Kasethen
    Posted Sunday, May 6, 2007 at 12:26 pm | Permalink

    My brother and I are in college, now, and my younger sister is to be a Sophomore in High School. My mother started a real estate career a couple of years ago…so yes, I could say she did. She’s now pretty much the #2 person at her office and flies about the country on important meetings regarding multi-million dollar real estate transactions. Prior, she maintained some work as a mother as an aerobics instructor. I recommend that you find a method of maintaining some sense of yourself as a worker outside of your children, that you avoid the problems that come with overidentification with being a mother (and losing purpose when the children are grown up). You had mentioned stay-at-home small businesses, or something along those lines. Artwork, or writing can also be quite complementary to being a mother, I think, if you should do those. Regardless, I think you have a good sense about this, already, and because you understand so much about yourself and take a selfless view with regards to child-rearing, you’ll be a good mother.

18. Carrie
    Posted Monday, May 7, 2007 at 1:28 pm | Permalink

    If we can financially afford it, one of us will be stay at home parents.

19. Kristina (PhenyxAngel)
    Posted Wednesday, May 30, 2007 at 4:27 pm | Permalink

    I agree with you. My mom stayed at home with me. I never saw her as lazy. She worked her butt off to keep the house clean and take care of me and my brother… she sewed clothes and gardened and canned to save money… nowadays I look back and can’t believe how we all survived on my dad’s income since my husband and I together now make more than he did back then, and we’re stuck renting while they owned a house. And unlike the above commenter – I never had the idea of “why should I have a job because she didn’t” I had been trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life since 4th grade. I had to find my own money to go to college and to do anything I wanted to do… and there was no way I was gonna hang around living with my parents forever after highschool! I thank the gods for the time my mom had to spend with me… working in the garden, teaching me to sew, getting me interested in crafts, playing card games as a family, and even playing video games on the Commodore 64 together!
    I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have kids, but if I do I hope I can afford to do the same for mine.
    And as for not having any power – bleh – even if I didn’t have my own job I still control the money. Hubby doesn’t like doing paperwork – so I take care of paying the bills, then we decide how to spend or save what’s left. And of course I’d be spending what time I’m not keeping the house up by trying to get my craft business going – which is also something I’d be able to teach and pass on to my child if there is one in my future.