I’ve been feeling a little bit of the winter blues lately, not as bad as other years, but I know it’s there. Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD if you prefer, one of the most fitting acronyms, if there ever was. Feelings this way is a really odd state to be in for me, I am normally an optomistic person, but this time of year the gray skies and barren trees seem to directly reflect my outlook. And yes, I have one of those special lights that imitate daylight (need to dig it out of the closet.) I do not think anything works as great as the real deal though.

In a sense, it is better this year then others. I credit Damian for that, I really do. I am so busy trying to keep up with him, I do not have much time for dwelling, besides your baby’s smile is an excruciatingly hard thing to resist. He is definitely growing, I am not even sure I can call what he is does crawling anymore, scampering is more accurate, whatever it is, it is FAST. He goes from zero to ack-not-that! in less then a second. Today Michael was clapping and Damian was trying to imitate it sporadically, very comical.

The sun made an appearance long enough the a couple weeks ago for me to snap that photo of him. I need some 2009 pictures of him… Last January I think I only took three of four photos for the whole month, I am trying not to repeat that trend this time around.

There must be some kind of cosmic irony to having a birthday in January and SAD. I can’t decide if fate did that to try to cheer me up in this dark month, or to mess with me. A little morbid thinking on my part, I know. My birthday is this Friday. I want a pasta machine (thank you Dad) and an Vietnamese Ao Dai pattern is that weird? Not worried about if I get them or not though, all I really need is my loved ones near, and maybe a few extra hugs. We are probably going over to Shannon’s house on Friday, we do that every few weeks, it is especially nice to be with friends this time of year. They are like little suns, bringing their own special kind of happiness to my heart.

I am fighting that urge to hibernate, with bellydancing to keep the blood flowing, and surrounding myself with all things orange to keep my spirits up until the sun starts poking around a little more. When my mood turns towards the darker tones, I just remember that if we can never truly feel happiness if sadness does not come. Just as the flowers cannot bloom without the rain. See, optimism does persist doesn’t it?

Oh yes, and I am beginning to learn to knit too, with orange yarn of course!