My nightmares have changed since becoming a parent, they use to be about me, now they are about my children. Ultimately this makes they far more terrifying.

I had a nightmare last night that I was shopping with Danielle (someone I know through the internet) and her son Liam. We were leaving Costco and Liam and Damian were sitting side by side in the cart. I wish everywhere had Costco carts, only place you can fit two kids side by side in the upper part. Liam was a toddler in the dream and wearing some of Damian’s cuter hand-me-downs. Damian was about three I think. Ivy and Lyra (Danielle’s second child, she doesn’t have one though!) were with a babysister. As we loaded the van we were turned away from the cart for just a moment, and Damian started screaming. Danielle and I both jumped and turned around and Liam was missing.

I cannot describe the feeling I felt in that moment. Though Liam is not mine, in the dream he might as well of been. I think any mother can relate to the feeling in our hearts when we hear about missing children. After a few moments of panicked searching, Danielle went running back into the store and I quickly closed the van, put Damian in his carseat and locked him in the van (a little weird, but it was a dream. I think I thought Damian would be safer in the van.) Then I ran after Danielle. Inside Costco was like the mall, and together we searched the food court, the movie theater and Victoria’s Secret (???) We couldn’t find him, no one was listening to us and our phones were in the van. We ran back out to the van to get them and found the window broken and Damian missing. There was blood everywhere. I started screaming…

Then I woke up.

When I woke up, I got out of bed. I had fallen asleep with Ivy breastfeeding so I set her in her crib (which is right beside our bed) and looked over at Michael. Damian came to our bed in the middle of last night and he was snuggled with his daddy. BIG sigh of relief. Still I felt so unnerved, I had to get up and checked the house. Wish I had had a baseball bat, that is how freaked out I was. Granted I might have hit the cat who jumped over the basement stair baby gate as I walked past it. I haven’t jumped that high in a long time.

Then I thought, what caused the nightmare? This is how I talk myself out of the fear they cause. I don’t know why I was with Danielle and Liam. They live in Ontario and the likelihood that I will ever meet them in low, much less go to Costco with them. But other then that, the other day at Ivy’s eye appointment I was talking to another mother who worked for a company that sells baby home id kits. You can take your kid’s finger prints and some hair and keep it in this little box should it ever be needed. They also sell gps trackers that you put in their shoe. I thought it sounded silly at that moment but my subconscious was obviously stirred by it. Then when we were in Costco the other week I remember seeing a little girl crying and just as I was starting to think she might be lost her father picked her up. Except my subconscious again filed it away, how fast someone could disappear, especially with how spirited and wandering Damian can be. Then there are all these stories in the news lately about missing children…

You can see how an imagination can create such a nightmare with all that material. I’m still feeling rather unnerved though. I don’t know what I would do if I lost my babies. Hugging them a little tighter then usual today.

94! or was it 49… You know use dyslexics, it must of rubbed of on Ginanne when she put the candles on. On the bright side, next year he’ll be 5! Honestly though, it must be some kind of joke from the universe for a CPA to have his birthday in the middle of tax season… My father-in-law’s birthday was actually Saturday but we rolled it in with the monthly family potluck yesterday.

Tax time or not, it is always easy to make time for the cuteness grandchildren in existence, no bias of course! Chocolate cake is always a good incentive too.

Peace is my word of the day. Retreat might be my second. Some days the world just seems too ugly and you just want to find that little shell to hide inside. No social networking, no phones, no email, nothing but you and your soul. I wasn’t going to blog, but I enjoy sharing the beauty I find. It is healing to me. And least anyone else has days like this, I want you to know that you are not alone.

Today I find peace in my dwarf peas happily growing in their pot. No matter what, plants will still grow, the seasons will still turn, my children will still laugh…

I find peace in playing hide and go seek with my son. Hmmm, where could he be?

I find peace in sorting seeds during naptime. Ivy woke up as I was finishing up but was happy to watch from her swing. Bless her little goddess soul.

Life is beautiful, I know that. It is just taking a little more effort then usual to find it today.

(”Uncle” Peter and Damian, Super Bowl buddies!)

So how about them Saints?! Okay, honestly I mostly chattered with Shannon and Andrea through the actual game since I do not understand football, but Michael and Peter said it was a great game. I watch the Super Bowl for the commercials, but is it just me or have the commercials since the “wardrobe malfunction” been progressively more stupid? And the halftime show? I love the Who but they were… a little past their prime preforming years? Either they weren’t really singing/playing or everything they did was on a time delay. A Rock ‘n Roll lifestyle has not been kind to them.

It is always great to have our friends over, any excuse for a party right? And the Super Bowl is about the food too. Andrea put together a wonderful build-your-own Mexican food tray. Andrea and Peter also brought J.K.’S Scrumpy Hard Cider, officially my favorite cider now. If you haven’t tried it, give it a go, I dare you to tell me it’s not amazing. We actually ran out of drinks before the game started (whoops!) but Andrea was nice enough to do a store run for us. I made popcorn and later (once Ivy let me put her down for more then 5 minutes, ah parenthood) I made orange chocolate mousse.

Speaking of parents, maybe it is the mommy in me but I couldn’t help but smile when they showed Brees holding his little boy after the win. Those giant noise dampening head phones on the babe were pretty cute too.

(This photo is tagged over on flickr, click it if you want to go see what everything in it is.)

Yesterday my Aunt Ruth blogged about technology and it started me thinking about how often my peers ask me about my own technological choices. I’m not a luddite by any means, after all, I have a geek for a husband, but I do generally favor older “technologies”. I thought it might be fun to answer some of those “what would it take for you to use [item here]?” questions.

What would it take for you to use a pda/smartphone?
I use a spiral bound dayplanner to keep track of my schedule and keep important phone numbers. I have a homemakers notebook with other information that some would also keep on a pda. My cell phone is a very basic flip phone, it does have a camera, but I find that phones without them are very rare nowadays. I have a separate digital camera which I prefer. As someone who chronically forgets to charge my phone, it is comforting to know I always have my important numbers/information (which I have a poor memory for) in something that doesn’t die on me. Since I am a stay at home mom I think a smartphone would be overkill for me. I also love the sensation of putting pen to paper.

What would it take for me to use one? If they made a smartphone that could be everything my wallet is I might consider it. My debit card, costco card, id, receipt saver… If I could put my purchases into budget categories easily after buying to keep track of what I spend. If the camera were as good as my digital. Being able to handwrite on it (without having to learn some weird new set of characters) rather then using the keys would be nice too. So would an indefinite battery (solar powered maybe? I could leave it on a window sill then…) and it automatically backing up elsewhere, just in case, would be a perk. Honestly though, I will probably always use a paper dayplanner.

What would it take for you to use an ebook reader (like a kindle?)
Since I read a lot of non-fiction which tend to be larger books it would be nice to have something that could easily fit in my bag but the idea that I do not own the book once I buy it bothers me. I cannot backup that book on any other device. I want DRM-free material. I want to be able to loan my book to someone else without giving them my whole device. Maybe if I could buy a paper book and it came with a ebook version to go on my reader I would consider it… Nothing will replace curling up on the couch with a good real book though. I could see having to cave to owning an e-book eventually as more authors self-publish electronically though.

What would it take for me to text rather then call?
I prefer hearing a real voice over texting (which I find time consuming and clumsy.) I am also dyslexic and figuring out the proper spelling while having to use a dial pad is a nuisance. I know there are phones with qwerty keyboards (okay, I never realized until just now why qwerty why spelled that way…) but they are tiny! Maybe if I could talk to the phone and it typed the text for me, that is just like calling though so why bother? I do text occasionally (once or twice a month maybe?) but it is just not my thing. Which is kind of funny since I texted like mad with my friends when I was a teenager. Once I racked up a 300€ just texting.

What would it take for me to stop using a laptop in favor of something smaller?
Honestly, I cannot foresee ever using something smaller then maybe a Netbook for my day to day online activity. I like having a tactile keyboard (keys that move and click as opposed to a touch screen) and a larger screen to read on. Small screens are hard for me to read.

What about handwriting thank you notes rather then emailing?
I truly believe that people like receiving hand written notes over emails. It shows you took the time to do something special for them. Though I might say thank you over email more often now as my family lives around the world, I will still always make room for handwritten notes in my life. I think it sets an important visual example for my children too, showing the importance of gratitude.

What about you? What devices do you choose to use or not and why?

• A new year.
• Naps with my little ones.
• Rain, rain, rain… A brief sprinkle of snow too.
• My 24th birthday.
• Spring fever (all these above normal temperatures!)
• Late nights with Ivy.
• A tambourine on Oimelc for Damian.
• And a hot cocoa and movie night to round it all off.

I’d say it’s been a good month!

(Just chillin with my friends.)
Bring on the heavy metal! I want a mohawk!

(Five super bonus points to anyone who can guess the movie that is playing.)

We had a movie night at our home today and I got to harass one of my favorite people. Michelle and Mikcos’ son, Nathan! I though his mohawk was so awesome. I tried to make my hair stand up too but it would not stay put.

Mommy says if I still want one in 10 years she will consider it then. I can’t wait!

My word of the year is Simplify. Even though it is only one word is had a wide variety of meanings. Being grounded and full present in the current moment is part of simplifying my life. So is eating more wholesome foods, as well as exercising more and decluttering my living environment. Remember to take quiet time for myself, as well as spending more one on one time with Michael is yet another aspect of simplicity to me. It is almost the end of the month so I figure it is time for a little personal evaluation to see how things are going.


Exercising is going well, though barely any of it is outside, unless chasing Damian around the yard every other day counts… I did 20 minutes of yoga this morning, which is almost forever in the timescale of a mommy with a toddler and baby. I tend to do about 30 minutes of workout a day, 10 minutes here or there, where ever I can fit it in. As I mentioned the other day, we recently bought a wii and working out with that qualifies and both fun and money saving. Though buying the thing took a bite out of the budget (though most of the money came as a Christmas gift from my father) we have been spending less outside the home because of it. I find the more I work out the happier I am, even when it is cloudy and dark out. I keep finding myself doing squats or leg lifts if I am waiting for something to finish (like something to cook.)

Decluttering is more of an uphill battle. We don’t really have a lot of stuff, it is just completely disorganized. Particularly the basement. I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to putting stuff back once I finish with it. A habit I am trying hard to break. I have a plan though, the Cleaning Grand Plan! One room at a time, slowly, consciously, everything needs to be evaluated, everything needs a place, even if that is in a storage box for now. I have been working on the kitchen since the beginning of the month. Next to the basement, it is the most in need of decluttering. I am saving the basement for last even though it is the messiest. Everything that will need to be stored will end up there. My mom always taught me the rule of thumb when cleaning is to do it from the top down. I want the kitchen to be streamlined for cooking but still pleasant to be in. Form and function are not always the best of friends but we are getting there. The next room I will face will be the pantry, which is technically part of the basement, but a separate room. Every rule has their exceptions. I am also making a home notebook to keep track of everything I am doing as well as creating cleaning schedules to keep up with all the changes.

Wholesome eating isn’t too much a struggle for me to add to our life as it is mostly already there. It is so important to me that Damian have a natural whole food diet. However I tend to eat more on the go, cramming quick snacks between activities more then making myself something balanced, and now with the lack of dairy products in my diet (because of Ivy) I need to be even more careful with my nutrition. Recently my main focus has been to have us all sit down to eat at the table rather then just grabbing a plate and sitting wherever, usually behind a laptop. This has been happening much more often. Sitting down to eat has also made our meal times more consistent which is nice for my routine loving self. An unplanned perk of wanting whole food sit down meals at consistent times is that I have started using my crockpot more frequently which gives me extra time to do other things. Tonight, minestone soup, salad and with the extra time I think I am going to make some fresh bread.

Am I working on being on being present in each moment, living in the Now? What about quiet time for myself and spending alone time with Michael? Well, there is a reason we give ourselves a year to work out some aspects of simplicity. I still do my daily affirmations at our family altar. I feel I am doing better at spending more time with Michael. Personal time… haven’t quite worked that one out yet. I have been finding more time to blog though and plan this year’s garden. There are days when I feel that I live each moment consciously, but then there are just as many days where I feel that I am in such a rush that I find myself at wits end by bedtime. It is a process though, and the more I work on the other aspects of simplicity, the closer I feel I am coming to personal balance.

Last week I said that I was thinking of throwing some things in my garden because we have been having an unusually long January thaw. So of course it snowed today, just a reminder that the January thaw cannot be trusted. Within an hour we had a couple inches, then it switched to rain and melted away. It is teasing me…

Thoughts of Spring planting aside, today was fun. It is the second week in a row Damian’s 2 1/2 year old cousin Emily came over to play. Damian loved it. Emily seemed uncertain but I think she had fun too. Damian’s hugs are more like tackles at the moment which can be a little overwhelming. Ginanne (Emily’s mom) came over too of course, it is nice talking to another adult… She gave us over a booster seat with clip on tray for Damian, it is the kind that straps onto a kitchen chair. Finally I can put his high chair in storage.

Mommy Advice Moment: Do not buy a special high chair for your baby, just buy the kind that straps onto a kitchen chair. It saves a ton of space and you can easily take it with you when you go visit friends.

In other news, I’m going to be a bridesmaid in July at my friends’ wedding. So exciting! This is the first wedding I will ever attend (unless my handfasting counts) so it’s a little nerve wracking too. I’ve settled on my dress though, which will be emerald green; my mother-in-law is going to make it. She is also making Andrea’s gown, which I can’t wait to see!

Which means I have a goal to work towards as far as my postpartum get-in-shape plan goes. I work better with goals. My father sent us some money for Christmas/my birthday which we used to buy a wii and wii fit plus with balance board. I cannot say with certainty if it is helping me work on getting back in shape, but it is certainly helping me drive away the winter blahs and move more. Damian loves it too.

Video evidence of that love, just in case you’ve ever wondered what a toddler looks like playing a wii. If you have played wii fit plus, Damian is doing the obstacle course here. He loves when the wrecking ball hits his mii.

(Michelle and Mikcos gave me a beautiful yellow miniature rose for my birthday.)

I had a really lovely birthday on Saturday, that is, except for the 4 minutes Ivy’s emergency room visit ran into it. She is doing well by the way, she will be seeing a specialist on February 1st.

After sleeping in until 8:00 (which is a long time when you have young children) I was up. As I am a creature of habit, birthday or not, the morning was business as usual. Breakfast, general tidying and playing with children. In the afternoon my friends came over and we had a little birthday party. Andrea made her wonderful fruit dip and a big bowl of my favorite fruits for dipping (better than cake! I am a fruit bat.) It was a simple afternoon full of great conversation, and honestly after the ER night, relaxing with friends was just what I needed.

My mom called in the evening (she has impeccable timing, the phone rang about 5 minutes after everyone had left.) She sent me a little power sander for my birthday, which goes perfectly with the jigsaw she sent me for Christmas. Though we talk about once a week, there is something really lovely about hearing from family on your birthday.

Anyhow, I can hear Ivy and Damian stirring in the other room. Time for the morning routine. Have a lovely day!

Finally an elusive Ivy smile has been captured for all to appreciate. No doubt she was plotting future plans of world domination (or achieving world peace for the softer at heart, but I know better. I’ve seen Aos whispering to her.)

A few people have asked me how I have been doing recently, and as anyone who has children knows, life has been very busy. Between Damian and Ivy’s needs as well as carving out the all important couple time with Michael it is amazing I accomplish anything beyond basic household chores.

There are good days and bad days. Yesterday wasn’t great, I was moody as were my children and then the washing machine when kaput. That in itself is not the end of the world, except I exclusively cloth diaper my children and the sopping wet load in there at the moment is three quarters of my supply. Ick! However other then a middle of the night disposable diaper run on Michael’s part (love you!) the washer is under warranty, so it is only a temporary inconvenience. I admit that for a moment last night, it all felt totally overwhelming. Michael is totally taking care of it all though (again, love!)

Yesterday aside, I usually feel pretty balanced but these short Winter days can really wear on my emotional state, as does postpartum body. I know not to be too hard on myself and I do not have any particular drive to look skinny and stretch marks do not bother me in the least but I feel unhealthy right now. At the moment weighing less would be a step in the right direction to fix that. So an increase in exercise is in order as I already eat a very balanced diet for a breatsfeeding mother (though that did go partly the way of the dodo during the holidays. Mmmm cookies…) I am not sure how to go about exercising yet. Come Spring, yard work and general time out keep me fit but Winter has a couple strikes against me in that arena. Besides that I simple do not like working out in the Winter. Again, I accuse the heavy clouds and lengthy darkness for that lack of motivation. Which is a little funny since working out usually lifts my mood in the cold months. I would like to find something indoors and motivational that I can do between chasing a toddler and caring for a newborn. And something free, I can’t afford a wii or wii fit as much as those are fun and I would love one.

Beyond my health though, life is good. Whether good or bad each moment feels precious and my heart feels more open than it has in a long time. I know I have to treasure these moments as I will never again be at this moment in my life. Today I am going over a list of words to pick a theme for the next year. At the moment openness sounds good, but then so do simplicity and balance. I want to narrow it to one. It will be my mantra and spiritual focus until I feel I have some mastery of it, or for the next year, whichever point of reevaluation comes first.

And to finish with a little bit of frivolity (as both my children are now awake.) This is Damian’s latest epic battle toy arrangement. Is it odd that it bugs me more that there are herbivores attacking the stegosaurus than that a robot is joining the fray?

Time to unwrap the gifts!

Toddler crayons rock! (From Grandma Lorie, as is the Stud Muffin shirt.)

New books are also awesome. As Damian unwrapped each one he made Michael read it to him.

Damian received a ton of gifts from family, so therefor there are a ton of pictures. Michael and I bought him a Tonka firetruck which has been zooming around the house for the past few days, along with the wooden helicopter from his Aunt Lydia. He also received an awesome pedal powered tractor from his Grandma Lorie, Great Grandma Mason and Great Uncle Stan. As if I already couldn’t keep up with him, now he has wheels! I think he is in love. They sent him the John Deer shirt to complete the look. (Now if we could just get a plow and tiller for it, I would never need to do yard work again…) Ivy received clothes and a huge singing plush hound (it sings “Blue Christmas”.) I have a video of her with said dog which I have yet to upload. We also received a wooden advent calender, a duvet cover and a camera (thank you Uncle Stan!) and a jigsaw. Come warmer weather and a little practice, Michael and I are going to try our hands at some simple wooden children’s toys. I am really excited about that.

Christmas was lovely and I am certain Damian was completely thrilled with his gifts (as he is still playing with them all.) The day had a perfect wrap up for him too, hot chocolate and a snuggle in his new red bathrobe (made with love by yours truly, with a pattern created by my mother-in-law.) I could make a tradition out of just that you know…

Though we do our main gifts unwrapping on Christmas Day (as that is the day Michael always has off work) we tend to share a couple smaller gifts on Winter Solstice. This weekend we had a small Solstice gathering at our home and Michelle gave Damian the small wooden car in the picture (she also brought onsies and a hand knitted blanket for Ivy as well as an heirloom crib quilt.) Every year Michael gives me the beautiful We’Moon datebook on the Solstice and I tend to make him something by hand. This year I made him a set of juggling balls.

(Damian with the heirloom crib quilt. It has bluebirds on it.)

I bought The Return of the Light for our children. It contains 12 short stories from around the world about the return of light, perfect for the Solstice. Reading to them is very important to me and I love it when I am able to find seasonal as well as spiritual stories. Ideally, I would have given it to them for Saint Nicholas Day but it arrived several days later, so Solstice it is! (Theoretically, I will have it a little more together next year. Not surprisingly, Ivy’s birth put a bit of a hold on some holiday surprises this year.)

Of course I like receiving gifts, I adore my datebook filled with beautiful images and inspirational works, but I do not think anything makes me quite so happy as seeing the look of the faces of the people I give to. It was nice seeing Michael juggling within minutes of opening his gift (and Damian giggling with joy) it is wonderful to have Damian cuddle up beside me while I feed Ivy and read them both a story. Lasting happiness for me is in those moments more then anything else.

Grandma Stewart and Ivy

Since I have been getting quite a few curious and sweet texts, emails and facebook messages asking if I still inhabit the Earth, I thought I might do a quick little update since Damian is in bed and Michael and Ivy are napping for the moment as well.

We are adjusting well to our newest family member’s presence. Nighttime sleep could last a little longer and days could be a little less hectic but that was all to be expected.

Damian is adjusting well to having a little sister though he does seem to miss being the center of attention at times and we have had a handful of extra tantrums. We expected that. Aos has not eaten Ivy yet which is good. He pretty much ignores her existence in fact and is content to take long naps on Damian’s bed (whether Damian is in it or not.) Michael is doing well is somewhat sleep deprived, as am I, though I am a little emotional from time to time, but that is to be expected.

We all ventured out for the first time since Ivy’s birth today (aside from a scheduled trip to the pediatrician) and went to Costco. It wasn’t difficult, other then it being the Christmas season in a big store thing. Damian was very well behaved and Ivy slept the whole time.

Michael goes back to work Monday and we are having friends over for our yearly Yule gathering next weekend, so my posts will probably be just as sporadic as they have been for a couple more weeks while we all adjust to this new routine. I am working on Ivy’s birth story which is in point form at the moment, so that will be one of my next posts.

I hope you are all having a wonderful Yule season filled with peace, happiness and lots of love and laughter. We most certainly are.

“For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.”
- – Ralph Waldo Emerson

We spent today at our friends’ Thanksgiving gathering. Peter and Andrea’s home is always so welcoming. Andrea’s sister-in-law, Laurie, surprised us with a couple of gifts too, a really soft adorable turtle plush for Ivy and a Kalanchöe, a tropical succulent, this one has orange flowers. I admit, I am a sucker for new plants.

Damian behaved as well as any 17 month old toddler can. He loved the food too, I was pleasantly surprised that he ate the turkey since I have the hardest time getting him to eat any form of protein, animal or plant. He stuffed himself silly (very silly indeed) with it in fact. The only problem with going elsewhere for Thanksgiving is you don’t have leftovers, however my turkeys would not have been nearly as good anyways. Ivy even left me some room for seconds!

So what is your preference? Barbecued turkey or oven baked? They had both! And tons of sides of course, yams, mashed potatoes, dressing, gravy, cranberry sauces, rolls… Everything was delicious, but more then that, the company was wonderful. (I think it is impossible to feel like an outsider with the Parrish family…) I have been spending an exuberant amount of time recently feeling rather nostalgic about my mother’s side of the family (with whom I spent nearly all of my childhood holidays with.) Andrea’s family reminds me of them quite a bit so it was extra special and a bit therapeutic to spend Thanksgiving with them.

I hope you had as lovely a day as we did and have hearts as full of gratitude as we do. Happy Thanksgiving!

This past Saturday my friend Andrea held a Blessingway for me. It was so much fun to get together with my women friends and celebrate this pregnancy. Andrea took all these lovely photos of the occasion and there are more in a set on my flickr account.

After indulging in lots of delicious fruit (quite possibly one of the shortest ways to my heart,) opening a few lovely gifts and chatting it up, my friends did a belly cast on me. I don’t think I stopped laughing the entire time, with maybe a couple squeals from cold water running down my side (which was quickly rewarmed and the bowl placed on a heating pad.) Michael and Damian watched. Michael was as vastly amused as I was which was a comfort to Damian who was rather perplexed by what was going on.

I am undecided what I am going to paint on it and probably will not get to it until Ivy arrives either way. I am thinking maybe some design with lunar moths as they have been so prevalent in my dreams during this pregnancy (as have coyotes and shooting stars for that matter.) I have a feeling the birth will inspire me as to the design.

It was an exceptionally wonderful day and am reminded once again of how very blessed I am to have the friends that I do. I love you all.

“I hope she falls, breaks her neck, becomes bedridden, gains hundreds of pounds, dies alone and burns in Hell.” — from my last entry

Wow, I can get pretty specific when I am upset can’t I? But you know what, that woman is not worth that much of my energy mental energy when I have so many wonderful things to focus on.

Today is beautiful and I am beautiful.

A woman said something to me when I was at the park with Damian this morning that really hurt. I was sitting down for a minute to catch my breath after a Braxton Hicks (false contraction) and some woman just came up to me and informed me that I should get up and chase him around to loose “all that extra weight you’re packing and set a healthy example.”

Maybe I just look fat rather then pregnant in the Winter coat but that is no reason for her to have said that! I am measuring exactly where I am suppose to for this pregnancy. How is what she said even remotely helpful? Was it suppose to motivating? So bizarre form of tough love? Was she just trying to randomly hurt the feelings of a stranger? She succeeded in that last one.

I don’t understand how people can be so heartless, I’ve never had someone be so out-of-the-blue cruel to me before. I was having such a shitty morning and went to the park because it makes me feel better and I feel she stole that from me, and I let her. I’m angry that I feel this way and that the only thing I could sputter out was “What the hell is wrong with you?” and she shrugged smiled and walked off, and I let her. I should have grabbed her and slapped her smug bitchy face, I should have stayed in the park rather then coming home and crying.

I hope she falls, breaks her neck, becomes bedridden, gains hundreds of pounds, dies alone and burns in Hell. And no, I can’t even find it in me to feel sorry for her right. I just… I’m so upset. I miss my mom, she would have killed her with a look.

Michael brought these home for me the other day, orange chrysanthemums! I love the scarecrow head with the crow perched on him.

I really love mums but I have never had the greatest luck keeping them alive through the Winter. I heard if you get them earliest enough in the Autumn you can transplant them, but we are already having our daily hard frosts here so I doubt it would survive transplant. I’ve also heard the reason they don’t survive the Winter well is because most are greenhouse grown and not the hardiest varieties.

So do I just have bad luck with mums or have others had this problem? Has anyone successfully kept them alive and healthy through the Winter? I’d love to hear your tricks and tips.

The night before Halloween we carved the pumpkin that Damian picked out at Harvest House in September. Michael drew its face under Damian’s close supervision.

Then Damian watched me scoop out the pumpkin guts. As those present at his birthday party already know, Damian is not a big fan of getting goopy, so he mostly watched. He did keep trying to put the guts back in the pumpkin though as I put them in the compost bowl. Future doctor maybe? Innards are suppose to stay inside you donchaknow!

Then he tried his hand at carving. Since Damian is not allowed to have a knife he just decided to chop at the pumpkin. Didn’t work out so well, so he watched me do that too while he colored on the pieces I cut out with his crayons.

And here is our Jack-O-Lantern as well as a pile of pumpkin donuts I made the same night. Pumpkin carving and pumpkin donuts belong together in my opinion (even if deep frying will always scare me a bit, I’d rather not have to use my fire extinguisher you know.) I used this recipe for the donuts which turned out really well, though I did not use buttermilk and skipped the whole donut shaping bit.

I had some last minute problems with Damian’s costume (I now realize why my mom started my brother and mine a month early!) but we did have a fall back plan. Last year Mom sent him a Winny the Pooh suit which was size 18 months. It was huge on Damian then and since I made him a Green Man costume, I tucked the Pooh suit it in our Halloween storage box. It fit him perfectly this year and he loved zooming around the house in it. And he was really zooming, we almost had liftoff a few times, granted his Sweet Tarts thefts probably partially accounted for said zooming and also his somewhat delayed bedtime.

All told we had about 30 or so trick-or-treaters. I loved seeing all the cute costumes. Almost all the activity tapered off my 21:00 and we turned off our lights at 22:00. Admittedly, I was annoyed at anyone who showed up after then banging on the door. They were all older teenagers and almost all of them were not even in costume! Luckily no tricks were inflicted on us because of my refusal to give out candy after we had put everything away. And luckily for them they didn’t wake up Damian…

Other then that nuisance though, it was a great night and I am looking forward to next year already. Michael and I have some fun ideas for how to expand our decorations into the yard. Mmmm aliens…

Now to go poke through the extra candy for a KitKat…

I ran across this lovely photo on Chiot’s Run’s flickr page. I think that Autumn harvests and cats simply belong together, besides Halloween is tomorrow and I cannot resist the prowling black cat! Make sure to check out her wonderful blog (where you will find more black cat and apple harvest goodness.)

Michael and I went on a date yesterday. He took me to Clinkerdaggers, which is in the Flour Mill in downtown Spokane. The Flour Mill was built in 1890 and is one of our historic buildings, it was renovated for the 1974 World’s Fair, to provide downtown space for eateries and retailers. Clinkerdaggers is a beautiful restaurant that overlooks the Spokane River. Michael and I both had the baby iceberg salad and filet mignon and we shared a cobbler for dessert. Yum! We walked around Riverfront Park after and enjoyed the Autumn foliage (which is being knocked down by the heavy rains and high winds today) and talked and talked and talked…

Damian seemed to have fun while we were out too, our friend Andrea babysat him (thank you!) and he was sad when she left. Granted, he refused to nap while she was here but once she was gone for a few minutes he lapsed into such a deep sleep he was drooling, only to wake up an hour later and be up till 22:30 (way past my bedtime lol.) It was worth it though. While children are always a joy, it is really nice to get away sometimes and have one on one time with your spouse as well as a real adult conversation.

A surefire way to know that Winter is coming on fast is when you realize you are doing your shopping in the dark. I swear it was light at 18:00 just a few weeks ago…

Damian loved Jo-Ann though Michael and I were a little overwhelmed. They were having this great-big-until-midnight fabric sale and there was way more people then we expected. We got an absolutely fantastic deal on fabric though, red fleece for a bathrobe I am making Damian for Yule and yellow fleece for his Halloween costume. From Jo-Ann we drove on over to the General Store for a couple brackets and plaster plugs (interesting, I know!) Damian was thrilled that he got to keep track of the brackets while we briefly browsed around there. From there we cruised over to Yokes for the weekly non-bulk bits and ends that make our life happier (kale and icecream, what a combination!) Damian was still being so good through all the stores even though it was getting precariously close to his cranky time bedtime so we let him pick out something from the toy section. He chose a big orange stegosaurus. That’s my son alright, orange dinosaurs rock. The only thing we missed today was Costco, but we just left the house way to late for that. We are going to have to do that sometime after Michael gets off work this week, bleh. Halloween candy is a must though and I am sure as heck not paying the small store prices for it.

How do you do your shopping? Squishing it all into a few hours as infrequently as possible like us, spaced out through the month (or week) in a series of short trips or some other way completely?

“Learn to be quiet enough to hear the genuine within yourself so that you can hear it in others.” – - Marian Wright Edelman

I get up at 5:15 every weekday to make Michael’s lunch. I could get up later I suppose, Michael does not get up till 6:00 and Damian often sleeps for another half an hour, but I appreciate my early morning routine because of the silence, uncommon at any other hour of my day, that exists at that hour.

We were blessed with a rain-free morning today which we used to play catch up with yard work. Our Elm is still clinging very tightly to it’s leaves so we focused on general garbage and toy pickup, cleaning out the raised beds and cutting back the bushes in what has become the largely ignored side yard. Well, Michael did the cutting back, I was glad to watch, Whatever those bushes in that yard are, I do not like them. They aren’t very pretty at all and grow incredibly fast. Our landlord cut them all down to the ground before we moved in and they keep growing back from the stumps. Next year I think I am going to dig them all out.

We pulled out, and in one case had to sawed down, my Titan Sunflowers too. The biggest head has dried out quite well. I do not know if the other two will dry properly but I’ll give them a shot, I think they are pretty either way. I’ll put them on the deck after the snow falls for the birds I think.

Damian was intrigued by the biggest sunflower seed head, especially since he could pop out some of the seeds (and promptly attempted to eat them, husks and all.) I think it is natural for children to love sunflowers because they are so much bigger then they are, same goes with pumpkins. Damian pulled the last radishes with me too (and promptly ate those too) anything red is fair game for his grubby paws I think.

How is it that children manage to wedge themselves in the most bug infested grubby places in the blink of an eye? This window well looks so benign but he was sitting on a nest of earwigs. Gross gross gross! (I can deal with pretty much any insect but I do not like earwigs. I think Damian knows that and relishes that knowledge.)

We still need to dismantle this past Spring’s haphazardly built raised beds and trellises but I want to build the next one first so that I have a place to move all the dirt. I think we are going to buy the supplies for that this afternoon while we are out finishing the shopping in preparation for Ivy’s arrival. Her due date is coming up so fast! If we could buy it all at the same place we would have a shopping cart that might make a cashier wonder, fir 2×10s, decking screws, a mop, a humidifier, Macadamia nuts, a heating pad, sanitary napkins, a baby monitor, ricotta cheese, essential oils, and a breast pump. Maybe I am just easily amused though…

Rain is in the forecast for the rest of this week, but I can’t complain – at least it is not snow! Last week we had some record lows. We normally do not drop into the teens until January here and all the local grower were scrambling to get their harvests in, especially the apples. The temperatures put my new row cover to the test as it is only rated down to 24°F and we had a few nights that got down to 19°F, it seemed to hold it’s own though. Carrots, radishes and one of my kale seem to have survived, something ate my other kale though. We will see how stuff grows from here on out as this year’s Winter bed went in late and is admittedly a bit of an experiment as I’ve never had one before.

Damian demands time outside ever day and in spite of the little cough he is developing, today was no different. After bundling him up and tucking him into his raincoat, out we went. I think he was vastly impressed by the amount of slimy things he was able to locate around the yard. If it doesn’t rain through this weekend I want to finish tidying up the yard. I feel like the weather has been a little crazy this year, no Spring to speak of, sweltering and bone dry Summer, record breaking early cold and hard frosts. If anything this rain is as close to normal as we have gotten.

Halloween is coming up fast, just 15 days away. I would like to finish Damian’s costume this weekend. Once the 31st passes, there will be just a month until my due date and Ivy could come at 38 weeks like Damian too, so maybe less. Two weeks before that my friend is having a Blessingway for me, I am very much looking forward to that! Before then though we want to finish getting everything we need for the birth ready, as well as pack the emergency bag should I need to go to the hospital – back up plans are always a good thing.

I have a really nasty flu, I almost had to go the hospital yesterday because my fever spiked and Tylenol was not bringing it down. Normally 102°F isn’t doctor worthy to me but everything is different when you are pregnant isn’t it? While I do have a bun in the oven, I don’t need to burn her (or worse, deliver early!) However that fever broke shortly after Michael got home to take care of me. He took Damian to the store and bought me gingerale and chicken soup too, I love that man.

It is ironic that when you are completely congested, all you want is to be able to breath, and then when you brain is draining out your nose (seriously, it has to be brains, there is no way my body can create that much mucus, so gross) all you want is to be a bit more congested.

Today I woke feeling a bit better except for really awful nausea, now that that is gone and I feel just as gross as yesterday again, my fever is back and forth between normal and 100°F. Luckily not any higher, Tylenol is doing it’s job. I ran out of elderberry syrup though so my throat is just killing me. I can focus enough to blog though! Whether I should be typing in this state is a matter for another discussion. As is if I have H1N1 because I know someone is going to suggest it and get all freaked out. If it is oh well, the likelihood of it taking me out is very low. What is kind of amusing though is even if I wanted to get vaccinated (which I don’t) I couldn’t anyways. Even though I am in one of the highest risk groups to get the disease, pregnant and in my 20s, the first volley of the vaccine out now is the nasal spray, which is a live vaccine, which means I can’t take it – because I am pregnant! The shot probably won’t be available until Ivy is born which kind of defeats the purpose doesn’t it?

Damian is being amazingly good through all this, when I was throwing up earlier he stood beside and gently patted my back and later when I was laying down he either played quietly by himself, came and snuggled with me or sat beside me and pet my hair. A couple times he tried to bring me his sippy to make me drink and he also brought me toilet paper (I don’t have kleenex) when I was sneezing. So cute! Granted he then ran off with the toilet paper when I fell asleep again and tped the living room… Hehe.

They are calling for potential snow flurries tonight, a forecast that is unfortunately echoed in with my almanacs (early snows and a truly frigid Winter.) I wouldn’t mind if they were both wrong, I am not really for snow, much less a repeat of last year’s Winter. Besides if it keeps getting colder I am going to have to figure out how to fit Damian’s Halloween costume around a snow suit (and since my Mom said she wants to get him one in Canada, I have been holding off looking for one. Not that they are selling them here yet anyways.) For the curious, I was going to make Damian a sunflower for Halloween but some thought that that was a little too emasculating, so I am making him a bee. I might dress as a sunflower though!

I am watching PBS documentary, the original Olympians competed naked? I would love to see that in today’s Winter Olympics. Let’s see how tough those skiers really are!

Wow, I’m easily amused when I am sick…

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” — Denis Waitley

We decided to spend this past weekend at home. It was nice to disconnect from the world for a little. We caught up on some much neglected yard work and Michael replaced one side of the van’s headlights (gotta love old vehicles…)

He also put together what will be Ivy’s crib. Damian was more then eager to help.

I made a Dutch Apple Pie with apples from last weekend’s Harvest Festival and loaded up the dehydrator even more apple sliced. Half a bushel to go… I also made two baguettes and a skillet full of roasted red potatoes and meatloaf. Autumn inspires me to cook.

You know that your husband knows you well when he brings you 36lbs of organic pluots home instead of flowers (a pluot is a plum/apricot cross and my favorite stone fruit.) I’ll be making fruit butter with these, though admittedly, we ate about 9lbs of them over the weekend…

And let’s not forget, Sunday night is football night!

In the past month or so Damian has taken to perching on the couch to look out the window and wave at everything (dogs, cats, people, birds, trees, invisible things.)

I seem am having a bit of a strange day. I woke up with the strange sense of fear or apprehension, completely undefined and unfocused though. It was just a weird feeling, like the world was going to just explode at any moment. I think children are very sensitive to the moods of others, especially their parents, and Damian has been sticking close to me today and wants lots of cuddles. I’m cool with that, I want lots of cuddles too. Both of us are feeling under the weather too with low-grade fevers and pretty much non-existent appetites. Thirsty as heck though. My strange sense of fear has waned as the day has progressed, or at least I haven’t seen any Vogon ships yet!

One change in the routine today was, of course, caused by Damian. I accidentally left a tin of loose black tea out on the table and Damian got a hold of it (you can probably see where this is going.) He indulged in quite a bit before I noticed. I have never seen Damian so hyper. It was oddly both cute and amusing though, which makes me feel a tad bit mean. Sometimes when we are out I see parents giving small children soda and after watching Damian for the 30 minutes it took the tea to wear off, I have to wonder about these people’s mental health in making that dietary choice for their young ones…

Time is flying by lately and Damian seems to be growing in leaps and bounds. I feel like he is coming up with some new little thing to wow us with every day. It is so magical to witness his personality developing. Lately we have been fully appreciating the last warm days of summer in our backyard. I’ve been watching Damian’s love for flowering dandelions transition to a love of dandelions that have gone to seed. He wanders around and picks all that he can cram into his little hands and then either blows on them or makes a running b-line for one of the raised beds. While I am generally faster then him (I’ve noticed the pregnant waddle returning recently,) I do now have a few little quarantine areas in the winter bed where I am watching for explosions of dandelion sprouts among the carrot. Do you think he will be helping me plant seeds next Spring?

My website ticker says that I am 30 weeks along with just 70 days until Ivy’s due date. Seriously, time is flying by! My midwife will be drawing blood this afternoon for the usual tests, ick! Not that I have any apprehension, but I don’t think anyone enjoys being stuck. I am grateful that Beth will be doing the draw I never feel it and she gets it right the first time (in the past nurses and doctors tend to butcher my arm looking for something to tap.) I have wanted to clarify something about my midwife, recently I was asked if I have two of them as I often refer to my midwife as either Beth or Linda. The answer is yes… and no. The Spokane Midwives practice is owned by both Linda and Beth but it is only ever one of them who gives me my check ups and only one will be attending Ivy’s birth (with an assistant.) Linda was the one who helped deliver Damian but I wouldn’t have minded if it had been Beth on call. I love them both and they are both equally experienced certified nurse midwives.

Since time is zooming along, I am pulling out my Bradley Method workbook today. When I was pregnant with Damian we took Bradley classes and while I was a bit of a skeptic at the time I know now that it is definitely the right choice for my body and desire for another natural birth. So in other words, it is time to start the review.

Another question I was asked recently is if I am having the intense and spiritual dreams that I had when I was pregnant with Damian during this pregnancy too. If you followed this blog when I was carrying Damian you might remember the dreams I had involving both condors and snakes. I have had similar dreams this time around but mainly with jackals (sometimes they are coyotes) and snakes. Lately luna moths have been present in some of the dreams too. The animals have never been frightened me, completely the opposite, they all have been incredibly maternal, supportive and protective. Even the moths, which are luna moths but prehistorically large are oddly maternal. So far they have only been present in the dreams where I have just given birth and they cover Ivy like a cozy blanket.

I generally try not to make predictions (at least not publicly) with my pregnancies, after all I thought Ivy was a boy, but I also keep dreaming she will be born the day after Thanksgiving, November 27th, which was my Grandpa Mason’s birthday (and the day I broke my arm when I was 13 too but let’s not think about that.) We will see I guess!

I lived in Spain on September 11th, 2001. I do not remember where I was nor do I remember watching much media coverage of it. To be completely honest it didn’t really effect in any deep way beyond basic compassion for those suffering. Living where I have and having the friends I did (from all countries as I was in an international school) terrorists attacks were something you just accepted. Bombs in the train station in Paris, car bombs and kidnapings in Spain, friends from countries committing horrible war crimes. Over time I have come to understand how that day pulled away the sense of security so many American’s must have felt before then but I doubt it will ever effect me as deeply as it does most Americans.

More then anything, September 11th is a special day for me. I flew out to Spokane to live with Michael five years ago today. It is hard to believe it has already been five years and at the same time it is hard to believe I have not been here forever. I have put down my roots here and this is where I want to stay, this is where I am happiest. I love Spokane, I love it’s people and I love my life here. I feel so blessed to have ended up in this little place and so blessed to be living such a wonderful life with the one I love.

We always know when summer is coming to an end in our area. The warm weather goes to battle with the increasing cold fronts and one day can be 90°F and the next barely pass 60°F. Last night dropped to 42°F and some of the outlaying areas even had freezing fog. On Friday I ordered row cover fabric to cover my Winter bed and protect my tomatoes from the cooler evenings. The variety I purchased is called GardenQuilt and should protect down to 24°F, a killing frost that hopefully is still a couple months away. Yesterday I also took some time to prune my tomatoes to encourage their heavy sets of fruit to start ripening. One can only eat so many green tomato dishes.

Even though the gardener in me is sad to see the first frost nearing (though I am looking forward to the Winter garden of root vegetables and hardy greens) I very much love Autumn. Bright orange pumpkins, the apple festival in Greenbluff, the fair, falling leaves, puddles to show Damian how to jump in and, of course, rainbows. We had a beautiful double rainbow bless our skies between rain showers on Saturday afternoon. The rainbows made that nights windy carnage a little less painful. The high winds of the next front blowing in did a little number on one of my Titan sunflowers.

Another Autumn perk is being able to make hot food in my kitchen without roasting in my home. This Sunday we had some of our friends over for dinner. With that day’s high of 63°F I went all out and made two baguettes, pound cake and my potato soup (which always seems to be a hit.) Andrea and Peter brought over some beautiful yellow and red corn from their garden and tiny little watermelons. I think Damian has a new fruit love.

Isn’t the corn beautiful?

This coming weekend we are having our what is becoming an annual invade-the-closed-campground trip to Skookum Lake. There are few things more beautiful then watching the mist rising off the lake at dawn while sipping mimosas (made with sparkling cider for me this year) with your closest friends. Or at least with your closest friends who don’t mind hiking it to a closed campground so that you have it all to yourself and the potential for slightly chilly nights (and maybe another, dare I say it? Chupacabra sighting.)

Sun or rain, wind or calm, life is truly beautiful when shared with those you love.

One of this blog’s readers has identified my two deck spiders as Cat-Faced Spiders and I am 99% certain that he is correct. Thank you Drew!

Today is the last day of August and though it is still hot I am seeing signs of Autumn all around. For me the season officially starts at Lughnasadh, August 1st, when I first start noticing the shortening days and reaping the first larger harvests from my garden. It is also when the first Autumn and Winter crops go in the ground (the first of those plantings, radishes, should be ready is a week or two.) Autumn is also a very creative time for me. Whereas Summer is more of a fun in the sun time for me, Autumn begins to turn my thoughts more inward and I find myself opening my hobby bins again. I picked up my knitting needles for the first time is several months this week.

I am a firm believer that everyone needs their own space to get away, just as I am a firm believer that everyone needs a hobby. Mine in the Summer is the garden. Planting, weeding, harvesting are my escape. Otherwise photography is a joy for me in every season and when the weather cools a wide variety of crafts come into play. I have my space in the home where I do these things, where I can get away for a bit of me time. Sometimes I noticed recently is that Michael really does not have a space like that. What we jokingly refer to as a Man Cave for him. My hobbies are generally very portable and easy to keep Damian from mangling too much, however Michael’s hobbies involve lots of electronics and therefor cables. Not so easily baby-proof! And while Damian is learning his boundaries, Ivy is on the way and the process will begin all over again.

For a few weeks I have been reorganizing the basement. I initially wanted to put grow lights in the laundry area for starting seeds and winter green but with the realization that Michael needs some space I have also been carving out an area near the stairs for his cave. Yesterday Michael moved my spare kitchen table down into the basement and I also ordered him a stand for the Yamaha keyboard I gave him a couple years ago. He still needs to set up his spare computer but the man cave is nearing completion! And for next to no coin.

One thing did warranted a small purchase though, I lost my spare kitchen table! So yesterday afternoon we headed over to the General Store and bought some reasonable shelving to put in the area the table once occupied. I am really pleased with how it looks. This new shelving is going to work a lot better in the kitchen then the table ever did. It is further out of child-reach and there will be no more big piles of jumbled stuff heaped in the middle of a table.

Overtime I’d like to find a 5×8 area rug and something better then a kitchen chair for the man cave but those are things I will just stalk Craigslist for. I also want to install one of my daylight lights down there for him as we both get seasonal depression and he will need more light then the little basement window allows for. I think it is really important for a family to have both together and away time from each other. I know that as much as I love Michael and Damian sometimes I just need time alone! And Michael is the same way. I really believe that some distance helps the heart grow fonder. I am really happy we made this space for Michael. I was teasing him about how he can have a place to put all his tacky man-things from his bachelor days, but then we realized he doesn’t really have anything like that. Yes, I got one with good taste!

Still, maybe I should get him a disco ball…

We have two of these large spiderwebs on our deck (one in each open corner, but not any where the deck attached to the house.) Each has their own respective spider owner of course. I have no clue what variety of spider they are as I’ve only seen their large orb spider-like silhouettes in their webs at night. As soon as I turn on a light to try to get a better look they vanish. The quick glimpse I have gotten is maybe some black and orange fuzzy stripes? I am fairly certain they are not the yellow garden spiders I sometimes fine in my tomato plants.

The webs are both quite large (thank goodness, not as large as the ones at my parents’ old home in Spain. As much as I like arachnids, 5 foot webs with wrapped things in them large enough to be rodents were a wee bit too creepy for me.) The web in this photo though is just about 2.5 feet across though, probably one of the larger ones I have seen in Eastern Washington. It is strong too, I brushed up against it while sweeping the deck and a broom would normally destroy a spider but all it did was strum it like a guitar. No structural damage at all (though I am sure it’s owner was wondering what was going on.)

While I am not cuddly with arachnids of any form by any stretch of the imagination (though I have a live and let live policy with the couple in the basement pantry that keep the insect invaders at bay) I am not particularly bothered by them either. That is probably why I have largely ignored the deck webs. Surprisingly enough Damian has shown very little interest in them, he ripped them down a couple times but the spiders build them back bigger and better each time. I love the webs though, I think they are so beautiful. Even if you are afraid arachnophobic, I would think it would be hard not to at least admire a spider’s weaving talent. I could never weave something so seemingly delicate and yet so very strong.

Anyhow I just wanted to share my first vaguely successful attempt at photographing one of their webs with you and maybe see if my equally vague description of them rings any bells for any of you. I’d kind of like to know what species they are, just to satisfy my curiosity.

I watched Rachelle, my friend Shannon’s 8-year-old daughter today. It wasn’t nearly as traumatic and I was worried it would be. Of course it helped my neighbor’s 10-year-old daughter was home and they played all day between my and her yard.

Did you know that the mother who controls the juice boxes controls the world? Mwahahahaha! The power of snacks!

Can’t believe I just said that… Anyhow, I’ll be watching her again tomorrow and then she started school on Thursday. Even though she basically took care of herself all day, I feel exhausted! Damian really wanted to roll with the big kids but he isn’t quite there yet. So there was lots of chasing around and a couple “but-why-can’t-I!” tantrums involved. Draining! At least he gives me my workout. I think it is impossible for me to be out of shape with my personal trainer toddler.

Speaking of my spawn, this pregnancy has been treating me well so far. Last week’s checkup with marvelously well, I’m right on all my numbers, as are Ivy’s. Her heartbeat is 145 for those who previously asked. The only problem thus far is that my sciatica is starting to rear it’s evil little head again, which happened at this same time when I was carrying Damian. I recognized it early this time though and have been working on keeping it from becoming debilitating again. So far so good! Also something is really aggravating my sinuses this week, probably the wildfires up north. It burns when I breath and the insides of my ears itch like hell! Bleh. It isn’t as bad this evening though.

This past week I have been strongly considering buying a crib. Damian never used one because we bed-share (and now he has a toddler bed.) When he was younger either I napped with him during the day or laid him on a floormat. Since it was just me and him I never felt it was a safety issue. However Ivy will need a safe place to nap during the day, away from her inquisitive and playful brother. Luckily Shannon gifted us with a crib which is in excellent condition (she bed-shared with Rachelle too so it is only slightly used.) We had to buy the mattress, but I would have replaced one anyhow. Yay for wonderful friends and saving some coin!

As for the picture at the top of this post, it felt weird posting without one so I give you gratuitous butt shots and bean stealing from this past weekend’s trip to AC Farms in Otis Orchards. You can never have enough green beans.

(One of the projects I am working on that Damian is helping with is building new raised beds. He is really enjoying helping me double dig the ground which they will be built on! And yes, he is running in circles through the freshly turned dirt waving a little plastic garden fork in this photo.)

I know that every pregnancy is different (I have been told so ever since I conceived Damian and probably before then too!) but the differences are really quite remarkable. My physical condition is not really that different from when I was last pregnant but my psychological condition definitely is. Not to say I have gone to stark raving mad (too late! Mwahahahaha!) and it is really nothing negative at all… Let me try to explain. When I was pregnant with Damian, I was acutely aware of my pregnancy; every kick or flutter, every moment of nausea or cramp, every little thing, and now with Ivy I have hardly noticed any of that at all. Sure she kicks, and I am definitely noticing the nudges to the bladder more often as she grows, but I do not feel the intense connection with this pregnancy that I did with Damian. Not that it really bothers me, I don’t have time to worry about it.

I would hazard to guess that chasing around a toddler all day, as well as all the other domestic chores and projects in my life are a big factor in why I have very much compartmentalized this pregnancy. I am not concerned about it but when I really think about it I kind of miss the connection. I think I might need to set aside some time for just her and I, maybe while Damian naps. On some visceral level I feel it is important for me to connect with her at this point in her development too. Does that seem silly? It is not as if she is going to remember me rubbing my belly and talking to her.

I do not want to regret anything about this pregnancy, I have one regret with Damian’s which I want to “fix” this time. I did not have prenatal photos taken, this October I am hoping Andrea will be willing to take them for me. She is the one who did the Stewart photos last year as well as our family photos with then month-old Damian. I want to make a birthing necklace that will be a mandala for Ivy when she is older with this pregnancy too. I have decided that I am going to have a mother blessing (sometimes called a blessing way) in October, rather then a baby shower. Other then a handful of items, I have most of what I need for Ivy since we needed it for Damian. A mother blessing is a more spiritually oriented ceremony then a shower, here is a nice little article talking about them.

One thing that has not changed at all from Damian’s pregnancy is the wild pregnancy dreams. The carrion eating animals are still even present, though whereas with Damian they were condors and vultures, with Ivy they are coyotes and jackals. While that might creep some people out, I find the dreams immensely comforting.

Anyhow, I just thought I would post some of my thoughts regarding this pregnancy since some people have asked. For the curious, to answer the remaining questions I have gotten breifly. I will be using a midwife again, still Linda and Beth, and am planning a homebirth assuming all continues to go well (I am not really concerned with anyone’s opinions regarding this, I assume your pro or con opinions have no changed since I made a similar choice with my last birth.) Physically, other then the occasional migraine (which are going away as my pregnancy progresses as they did with Damian,) I feel fantastic. Ivy is growing just fine and her heartbeat is strong. Her kicks to my bladder are becoming quite strong too. I am the right weight and my blood pressure is perfect. I am not quite as limber as before naturally (this bump is getting in the way!) but I have managed to keep with Damian and my daily walks and yoga. Damian is starting to notice Ivy kick when he sits against me, which is more amusing then I thought it would be, hehe.

Damian is starting to get old enough that he wants to help with everything, and while that doesn’t always help (if you know what I mean) I know he is going to be a fantastic older brother and great mommy helper when Ivy arrives. Both of which give me comfort and make me happy. I am happy. Everyone keeps asking me that for some reason. I am very much looking forward to meeting Ivy (her official due date is December 4th for the curious.) I am thrilled with my life and where it is leading, I am in love with my husband, I adore my son, I have fantastic and supportive friends. Most of all, I am also thrilled that we are nearing autumn, cooler weather sounds so wonderful right now.

I keep meaning to blog lately but really nothing much has been going on. We are in the midst of a heat wave, our temperatures have been about 10 degrees above average for almost two weeks now. The clouds that linger at sunrise make for a beautiful morning sky but burn away quickly. We had a little Lughnasadh gathering this past Sunday but several people ended up not being able to come (they were probably hiding out from the heat too) so it turned into more of a simple cook out. I didn’t mind though, I always find the warm weather sabbats to be more relaxed.

I have been feeling the baby a lot more lately. She pokes Damian sometimes when he is nursing, it rarely notices but I find it rather amusing. The heat with baby belly has been a little oppressive at times but I am pretty adaptable, except during the hottest parts of the day. I have been catching up on all the projects that don’t require much physical activity, I switched my walk to early morning and Damian tends to get his bath around 15:00, when I find it to be the hottest. I let him play in the water while I cool my feet in the tub. Jim, someone Michael knows through work, gave us an old AC window unit which was very kind of him. The bedroom is nice and cool for sleeping now.

They say the heatwave will break later this week, which I am hoping for, I want to get out into the garden to start double digging for the new raised beds. The weeds are nice and fried under the plastic we laid down. We’ve been looking up lumber prices so that we can budget for the raised beds, I think we will be using 2×12 pine. I am hoping we have a couple short ends left from that projects so that I can make a couple mason bee houses for next year. They are a fantastic native pollinator. I have seen a few of them around and I want to encourage their population new Spring when they reemerge. Contrary to popular belief they are not a destructive insect. They are a solitary bee so only the females make nests and they make use of existing holes to do so, they do not drill holes in wood. They are called mason bees because they seal off each cell in their nests with mud. They are also quite docile and tend to only sting if you accidentally step on one or close one in your fist.

Beyond the heat and gardening, I have a new addiction. Grilled pizza. It is so good! I made it again for Lughnasadh and fully intend on doing it again this weekend and pretty much until the weather prevents me from lighting the grill. It takes more prep work then just doing burgers or corn, but it is completely worth it! I love grilled zucchini and peppers on mine.

Who do you think won?

Yesterday we went out to the Millwood Farmers Market to check it out. I have heard so many good things about it and I also follow the blog of Craig Goodwin who organizes the market (and is also the pastor of the church where the market is held) so was excited at the chance to browse. I admit, I tend to avoid church markets because they tend to be underwhelming but I found this one to be really quite lovely. I also find Craig to be a very friendly guy and his church is listed as gay friendly which are definite perks to me and add to the general feeling of acceptance.

We purchased our weekly produce there and it tastes so much better then what we normally buy at the store (I would have been surprised if it didn’t though, local almost always tastes better.) We bought red and green bibb lettuce and peppers from C&S Hydro Huts (the owners of which Michael knows through work,) zucchini, yellow squash, cucumbers and bing cherries. Much to my surprise we found tofu that I actually liked as well, made by Small Planet Tofu. I bought a block of their curry flavored tofu. I have never met a tofu I liked until now but their stuff is really firm and has a lovely texture. Not surprisingly Michael also knows the owner through work as well (whom he refers to as Tofu Phil) and has been trying to get me to try their stuff for several months. Thank goodness for sample trays right? Tofu Phil’s son, I didn’t catch his name, was manning the booth and he was so friendly.

In fact all the vendors were pleasant (granted they probably wouldn’t sell much if they were cranky) which gave the market a really nice vibe. Lots of questions about my due date which I normally feel a little weird about but they were all honest curiosity which I puts me at greater ease. Damian seems to love the market even though it was very hot, he munched on popcorn covered in seasoning salt most of the time. Somehow I seem to have managed to not snap a photo of him…

I will definitely keep going back to Millwood for as long as they are open. I saw some things that I would love to pick up in the future (pepper jelly, honey and seasoning salt.) They even had a vendor with grass-fed pork. I was hoping they might have someone with local cheese, but maybe another time… I am looking forward to seeing the goods change as the season progresses.

Now to go feast on some cherries…

This weekend we had the monthly Stewart potluck at our home. It was very exciting because my two-year-old cousin Emily came. She had the prettiest dress, I really wanted the red cherries off of it but every time I tried to grab them she ran away. We got along pretty well though!

What’s in your hand?

I want your nose! (However she did not want to give it up…)

I had a lot of fun, I can’t wait till the next potluck!

My new (orange!) PowerShot SD1200 IS arrived today and it is fantastic! Granted I really expected no less as my last one was 5 years old and had 7 less megapixels, but the quality of photos and upgrades to the features on the new Powershot are really amazing. Many loves and thanks to my wonderful honey for buying me a new one, even if he did hide away in the bedroom for an hour playing with it setting it up first.

If you look at my last post you can see how well it does the macros which I love so dearly but really at the end of the day, it is shots like the one above that make up the bulk of my hard drive (and backup) space. Happy family moments. That is why I have anticipated the arrival of my new camera so fiercely, I need those cute photos!

I mean how else am I going to embarrass my children further down the road?

I have had my digital camera for almost five years now, it was a PowerShot A410. My previous one had simply worn out and the upgrade a 3.2 megapixel one was awesome at the time. Time however is not kind to electronics and I have been fighting my camera lately and yesterday it started taking photos like the one above. It was not snowing, nor did the sun go supernova. Indoor and outdoor shots are now all white. Formating the card, resetting all the options and any other fidgeting and swearing could not resuscitate it.

Michael to the rescue! No, his tinkering did not bring my camera back from the dead, but his paycheck replaced it. Did you know that they make 10 megapixel digital camera now? Wow, that makes my old one seem prehistoric. On Friday I should receive my new PowerShot SD1200 IS. Not only did Michael somehow managed to find a camera that was reasonably priced and makes me happy in its specs, but it is also seriously, gloriously, boldly, wonderfully orange. How amazing is that? How amazing is he?

Now if Friday would just hurry up and get here, I’m suffering camera withdrawal.

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, never underestimate the power of having nice maternity clothes. It is wonderful to feel beautiful and be comfortable at the same time. Look at that belly (photo taken this morning) can you believe I have been forcing that into my old jeans? No wonder I felt like I was being cut in two. Can you believe that is a 13 week belly? I know this is my second so it should be bigger sooner but I wasn’t this big last time will I was at 30 weeks. No wonder Beth wants me to have an ultrasound to confirm gestational age or multiples. July 16th, hurry up! The wait is killing me, it is like a Christmas present I can’t peek at.

This weekend was really lovely, if a little on the warm side. We had a few friends over on the fourth for a barbecue. I grilled up burgers and fresh pineapple (I adore grilled pineapple, actually I pretty much adore anything that can be grilled.) Pie, chips, cheeses, cherries, blueberries, ice tea and soda were plentiful too. (I also adore ice tea.) It was nice to just relax on the deck with friends. Missed the fireworks, but I didn’t really miss them either.

On Sunday Michael and I went on our first date since Damian has been born. It was wonderful to get away and spend time as a couple. Our friends Andrea and Peter watched Damian and they say he was great for them. He must have had fun because within 5 minutes of them leaving he was out cold having worn himself out. Michael and I went and say UP, I was teared up before the Pixar short was over! The movie was really deep and sweet, a perfect movie for our first date.

Afterwards we went to Motherhood Maternity and I found some new clothes. They make fantastic full-panel jeans, pants and skirts. The panel (full-panel means it covers your who belly) is made with a breathable material so you don’t perish from heat exhaustion and holds tight enough that you aren’t adjusting them every 5 minutes.

Anyhow the weekend was great, this week is going to be nice too, Michael is taking Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off, and the weekend as usual. Don’t know what we are doing yet (other then getting our hair cut, the three of us) but it will be nice to have him home.

In one of my Aunt Ruth’s recent blog posts she asked: “Do you enjoy summer picnics, with your family or community? Or am I right in thinking they are becoming a thing of the past?” Which kind of inspired me to write this entry, though I do not get to answering her question until later.

This weekend was very busy for us. After Michael came home from work on Friday, we turned around and left to take Damian to his one year check up. He is doing fantastically well. Dr. Kincaid was amazed by his height, how well he is walking and all those teeth.

I’d like to say I was totally present at the checkup but I was a bit out of it since I had a migraine. I would just like to say that there is a difference between a headache and a migraine. When I say I have a migraine it means that bright light and noise causes pain so intense that I vomit continuously. I have gotten then for as long as I can remember but I know most of my triggers so I can prevent or at least reduce the intensity of most of them. However I cannot avoid them at three times, when I menstruate, when I ovulate and, apparently, when I am in my first trimester of pregnancy. I had them with Damian and now I have them again. I have been getting them one to three times a week (or rather once a week for three days in a row…) I cannot take any medication that would take the edge off since I am pregnant. However, I have discovered relief. Obey the Cravings. If I obey my cravings 80% of the time they go away.

So after the doctor, Michael took me to Panda Express (Chinese fast food place) since I was craving white rice and steamed veggies. You would think I would have eaten rice and veggies on Wednesday when the migraine began to manifest but I guess the cure just seems so ridiculous to me that I always think it won’t work (last time the “cure” was Dick’s hamburger and fries. Mmmm healthy…) Anyhow the migraine was gone before I finished eating, leaving me with just a blissful (and I mean that) headache.

So then we came home, and since I was feeling all renewed, we tossed some stuff in the van, turn around and drove out to Willow Bay for a second dinner of steak and potato salad with Michael’s of the family. (I am going to blog about that separately so I can profess my deep love for getting out of town and pretty bird houses.) But I wanted to answer my Aunt Ruth’s question. I throughly enjoy summer picnics with family, we actually do a potluck on the third Sunday of every month with Michael’s side so that we don’t fall out of touch. I do think those type of events seem to be falling out of favor with my generation though, maybe in favor of the thing we did on Sunday, but I’ll get to that in a moment.

On Saturday we shopped, and then shopped some more and then shopped… We are going to a big three day campout next weekend so we had to pick up everything we needed for that and did our monthly Costco trip. We also stopped at Michael’s work and bought a 14 count case of organic broccoli, a 10lbs box of local organic snap peas and a 25lbs box of rainbow rotini (pasta salad season!)

On Sunday we ended up running out for a few more things and I processed the aforementioned case of broccoli for freezing. (My feet hurt.) And then went to see more “family” since Andrea and Peter invited several of our friends over for dinner. Homemade gnocchis, strawberry rhubarb pie, fruit salad… Yummy! I brought broccoli (surprise!) and carrot salad. Did I mention that there was pie?

So now I want to add on to my answer to my aunt’s question. I think staying connected to family is important, but I also think, as far as my generation is concerned, the term family has grown beyond biological (enough so that there is the newer term out there combining friends and family, “framily”.) I know that I do the things with my “framily” that I would do with family. We go on picnics, meet up several times a month, go on camping trips, have potlucks, share some holidays together… Our closest friends are Aunts and Uncles to Damian rather then just our friends.

I enjoy family and framily gatherings, but I do think the generational family gatherings are falling out of favor these days in favor of “framily” gatherings. I can see why some people have drifted with family gatherings, you can chose your friends but you cannot chose your family. In a lot of ways it is often easier to be who you are and find acceptance among like-minded friends rather then family that might have preconceived notions of you formed during your youth. However, I think we forget that even though families have their own squabbles, that there is a unique kind of love that can only come from those you were surrounded by growing up. There is a whole set of learning experiences stems from interacting with family. We have to understand where we came from to know where we are going. At the end of the day there is room in my life for family and framily and I deeply love and enjoy both.

This little guy (gal?) has been on the lowest branch of my Douglas Fir since Michael left for work today (that’s about 15 feet from the ground.) He doesn’t seem hurt but he hasn’t flown yet either. All this morning two larger crows have been taking turning bringing him food. He is a bit smaller then them (his parents?) but not shiny like they are. He looks quite fluffy actually.

The neighbors dog ran in my yard this morning and one of the adult crows chased him off. The pair also chased off a stray cat and some sparrows. They didn’t seem to care about me being out there with my camera though. I assume the bird fell higher in the tree. There is a big tangled mass of sticks higher up (if that is a nest it is the messiest I’ve ever seen) in it. When one crow is off finding food the other is standing guard up there though.

I don’t think there is anything I can do, but I am curious about what will happen to the little guy. Did he flunk out of flying school or just get too adventurous near the edge of the nest? I know I have bird connoisseurs who read this blog, what do you think?

What will happen, will happen but I admit, a needy cousin of one of my totems (raven) speaks deeply to my mothering heart and makes me ponder deeper spiritual meanings. Especially now.

It is my Grandma Mason’s (Mommy’s Mommy) birthday today. She is with my Great Grandma in Canada right now. I have not gotten to meet her yet but I still wanted to send her huge hugs and birthday wishes so I got Mommy to take a photo of me to send.

Other then getting my hand stuck in a jar, I have been pretty busy lately.

On Friday, Michael watched Damian for the afternoon, which allowed me to go shopping with my friends Ileen and Andrea. I now have a pair of jeans that fits properly and is not white (because lets face it white anything and babies do not mix) and a mini skirt. Michael and Damian survived without me.

On Saturday, Michael, Damian, Ileen and I went to the Finch Arboretum for a free composting class. I’d say it was a blast but honestly it was a little boring. Add brown waste to bin, mix in green waste, water, turn, wait, repeat… The vermicomposting station was pretty neat though (composting with worms) and the Finch Arboretum is gorgeous. All wasn’t lost though, friends make even the dullest times better and we all received free compost bins for doing it.

On Sunday we did the usual food shopping and then stopped by Northwest Seed and Pet to pick up compost and topsoil to fill my two raised bed. We also bought nylon netting so I can build trellises for my cukes, beans and tomatoes.

Rained on Monday and it is brutally windy today, so I am confined to indoor tasks. Yay, dirty diaper laundry! Erg, or something like that. As soon as cows stop flying around a nice informative gardening post will happen.

Damian nor I have felt overwhelming fantastic for a couple days, probably swine flu (promised I would try not to joke about that) the bubonic plague. I had to say that somewhere in this post so I could have an excuse to post a plague doctor drawing (not that I collect creepy historical pictures or anything.) Some day I will dress like that for Halloween. Granted if this thing turns into a pandemic, this year might be a poor choice… Still, doesn’t he look so awesome? Reminds me of a raven.

Anyhow. This Saturday we will be out in Medical Lake celebrating Beltane at Sal’s. We will have a ritual (where I will be calling water and setting up the water altar,) a maypole, a spiral dance, drumming, a potluck and just a great time in general. Beltane is one of my very favorite sabbats, the gateway to summer and a celebration of sweet luv. If you are local and interested in going check out the Spokane Pagan’s meetup group.

That’s it for now. Don’t forget to wash your hands.