…that I want to talk about (other then calling my mother, I so needed that. Love you Mom!) I will just share this instead.

I am blessed to have something that can make me smile as much as my children do. Michael says that they look like superheroes. They are definitely my heroes.

Recently I read an article about slow family living and it made me pause and think about the things we bring into our home.

Recently I rounded up all the toys and took stock of what we have. Initially I wanted Damian to only have natural toys, but lately we have gotten away from that. Plato said “The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things.” and I found myself thinking, most of these things are far from lovely. Since the great round up, every morning Damian gets to pick out two or three toys from the box for the day. (I have noticed that fewer toys seem to make a more focused happier babe.) It has been an experiment of sorts, I have been wanting to see his favorites. He usually picks the “lovely” things, almost always a set of wooden blocks and then a vehicle (lately his wooden helicopter) and usually a ball too. Seeing him pick his natural toys by choice has reminded me of my pledge. Especially as Ivy is starting to grow into the grabbing teething age. Do I want her grabbing a natural material or a plastic thing to chew? When Damian teethed he much preferred a wooden spoon over a plastic ring.

(Damian’s color “runes”, a handmade gift from Cheyenne that he has been loving lately.)

When Damian is exceptionally good when we are out he has been getting a reward, lately this is a cheap plastic made-in-china thing. I don’t have a problem with the reward system, just the rewards we have been buying. And really, are a dozen crappy toys really cheaper then one well made one? Not really. Yesterday we ordered this, a wooden tool box. Aside from being natural and lovely in my eyes, we think Damian will love it as he is in that whole imitation phase and starting to really grow his imagination too. We intend on splitting up the toolbox it up into many little rewards. Spaced out over time, that only equates to a dollar or two per item. No more expensive and much much more lovely then what we have been buying.

This focus on lovely things has begun to extend into our home too. for example, recently Damian and Ivy’s dresser broke. It was a cheap Walmart buy. We need a new one but want a quality one that will last. Michael has a little equation he uses when deciding on a new things which works well for almost everything. There are three things to consider: time, quantity and quality; now just pick two. (Though we only need one dresser quantity can be seen as cost as well.) We want a quality dresser but don’t want to spend a lot of money (let’s face it, we are a young family and not made of cash.) We will take our time and when we find the right quality second hand dresser we will buy it. It will probably need to be refinished, taking some more time, but once done it will last. It will be another lovely thing in our home.

(Sorting seeds from last year’s Titan Sunflowers with Mommy. His only fee is being allowed to snack on a few.)

Every family is different and our methods might not work for everyone, but life should not be a one size fits all experience. How boring would that be! Even with us, plastic has its place. Damian’s bath and outdoor toys are bpa-free plastic. He has a Tonka fire truck that is not only plastic, but battery operated. He loved making the ladder go around (and around and around and around…) The joy he gets out of it makes it a lovely toy in my eyes. There is a balance to be found in every home. At the moment it is just the cheap plastic we want to purge as we work to a more conscious home environment. One thing at a time least it become overwhelming and we give up.

Pardon the pun but it is all about the baby steps!

Isn’t she lovely? And no doubt having much sweeter dreams then I had!

(The family resemblance is striking to me. That is a photo of Damian from around the same age.)

February did not have a 29th, so I guess March 1st would be three months since November 29th, when Ivy came roaring into this world. From 8lbs and 21″ to 12lbs and 24 1/2″ at her most recent appointment. And at three months old I just pulled out the 6month to 1year clothing box for her, if that says anything for her growth rate. Growing just as fast as Damian did, maybe even a little more so. Eager to catch up maybe?

Ivy loves the faces Damian makes at her best. Speaking of Damian, I swear sometimes he knows what she needs before I do, he’s becoming such a wonderful big brother, bringing me diapers, come to me just as she wakes and informing me “Ivy up!”. Developmentally Ivy has been giggling and gurgling away for awhile but she has really just started to truly laugh, with the big toothless grin. So adorable. She can almost completely roll over on her own now and is also becoming interested in things beyond human touch (plush toys, bobbles hanging from her swing, etc.) She is still teething but it comes and goes in waves.

So happy quarter year birthday Ivybear. Already three months old, time flies!

Get it? Can be a hat? Can! Can! Can!

Sorry, Damian’s habits of repeating the same word over and over (and over and over and…) is rubbing off on me. Granted, his current favorite words are “apple”, “hat”, “mine”, and the infamous “NO!” Which is really not as bad as I thought it would be. A recent conversation with him went something like this:

Me: Do you want to play?
Damian: NO!
Me: Do you want your sippy?
Damian: NO!
Me: Do you want to potty?
Damian: NO!
Me: How about green beans? (One of his favorite foods, more the cookies even!)
Damian: NO!
Me: Okay! (and I went about what I was doing)
Damian: Buh? *sad face* Green bean! Yes!

And so he learns… His “green beans” sounds a little more like “geen meens”, but I know what he means. Other then increasing his vocabulary, other things in his recent developmental repertoire are jumping, trying to dress himself (rather then just bringing me his own clothes) and informing me when his diaper is “icky”. You might remember we did EC with him (infant potty training) but stopped at about 10 months, now with this recent development, I’ve pulled out his little potty again. He mostly just sits on it without doing much, but occasionally he will pee (score! Less laundry for me!) His old EC cues still work from time to time though, so nice to know it wasn’t a totally pointless endeavor.

Damian has also started to love helping me around the house, moving the wash to the drier, wiping the kitchen table, picking up stuff on the floor, bringing me a diaper when Ivy needs one, drying the dishes… I have to go behind him and redo most of it, but that doesn’t bother me in the least. He is only 21 months old after all. I am just thrilled that he wants to help. He adores his little sister and will do almost anything I ask him to do for her just for the reward of getting to hold her for a few. Ivy is pretty much still a cute little infant lump, but she is starting to roll over (and so it begins…) I think she is trying to catch up with Damian, he gets to do way more fun things after all.

Last but not least, Damian’s favorite thing lately seems to be turning anything and everything into a hat. #10 cans included (before someone goes silly and freaks out, this is an unsealed one, no jagged edges!) He love love loves hats. And in turn I have to love that since I also love love love hats. Maybe I should get him a little sun hat for the summer (do they make manly ones?)

Sometimes I wonder if there is some collective consciousness that our children reach into when creating. My grandfather referred to it as genetic memory. Either that or the ancient Inuit people were inspired by their toddlers stacking their toys… I think both are lovely ideas.

I can’t believe I managed to catch them both smiling at the same time.

Ivy had her specialist appointment yesterday for her hemangioma. We went to the Spokane Eye Clinic to see Dr Maher. I was really pleased with both the staff and doctor. Granted, a two month old with a big ol’ band-aid on her face elicits pity from just about anyone!

Ivy’s hemangioma was about half the size for her appointment yesterday as it was for the pediatrician last week because she somehow managed to scratch half of it off on Saturday. Lots of blood and skin, gross, I won’t go into detail, she is fine though. Hemangiomas don’t have nerves (thank goodness for small miracles!) I mention this since Dr Kincaid, her pediatrician, said last week that Ivy’s hemangioma was growing faster then he has ever seen, which is why it probably keeps bleeding. It is growing so fast in fact he called in another doctor in his practice (whom Ivy had an appointment with last time) to confirm. Because of the rate of it’s growth, Dr Kincaid thinks it should be removed and told me that if the eye specialist couldn’t do anything about it he would sent us to a pediatric dermatologist. (In happier news the tumor is not the only thing that is growing rapidly, Ivy is in the 95th percentile for both height and weight.)

Dr Maher is willing to remove the hemangioma though. He does not believe it goes deep, which is a good thing since that reduces the risk of it affecting her eye’s growth, and it is also on a pedestal, which means it is growing from a small area rather then spreading across her skin. Both those factors make it a smaller area to excise and since hemangiomas are very vascular, that is a very good thing. The bad news? Ivy will have to be put under for the procedure, which carries it’s own risk, especially since she is so young. Dr Maher recommended we wait another few weeks before we will make our final decision so he can assess how it growth between now and then.

So another waiting game, Ivy’s next appointment is on March 1st, but at least we have a lot more information now and some decisions to make. And time to consider getting a second opinion too, I do not take the thought of my daughter being sedated for surgery, minor as it might be, lightly.

Last week I said that I was thinking of throwing some things in my garden because we have been having an unusually long January thaw. So of course it snowed today, just a reminder that the January thaw cannot be trusted. Within an hour we had a couple inches, then it switched to rain and melted away. It is teasing me…

Thoughts of Spring planting aside, today was fun. It is the second week in a row Damian’s 2 1/2 year old cousin Emily came over to play. Damian loved it. Emily seemed uncertain but I think she had fun too. Damian’s hugs are more like tackles at the moment which can be a little overwhelming. Ginanne (Emily’s mom) came over too of course, it is nice talking to another adult… She gave us over a booster seat with clip on tray for Damian, it is the kind that straps onto a kitchen chair. Finally I can put his high chair in storage.

Mommy Advice Moment: Do not buy a special high chair for your baby, just buy the kind that straps onto a kitchen chair. It saves a ton of space and you can easily take it with you when you go visit friends.

In other news, I’m going to be a bridesmaid in July at my friends’ wedding. So exciting! This is the first wedding I will ever attend (unless my handfasting counts) so it’s a little nerve wracking too. I’ve settled on my dress though, which will be emerald green; my mother-in-law is going to make it. She is also making Andrea’s gown, which I can’t wait to see!

Which means I have a goal to work towards as far as my postpartum get-in-shape plan goes. I work better with goals. My father sent us some money for Christmas/my birthday which we used to buy a wii and wii fit plus with balance board. I cannot say with certainty if it is helping me work on getting back in shape, but it is certainly helping me drive away the winter blahs and move more. Damian loves it too.

Video evidence of that love, just in case you’ve ever wondered what a toddler looks like playing a wii. If you have played wii fit plus, Damian is doing the obstacle course here. He loves when the wrecking ball hits his mii.

As someone who once had a relatively empty fridge door, it has gotten pretty cluttered up since Damian was born. Damian’s latest art, our daily schedule, a developmental milestone chart, a nutrition chart and a tantrum coping checklist. Lists helps me tremendously, the tantrum one is new today because I know that I need to start being more consistent with the power struggle which has arisen recently between toddler and mom.

I’m the first to admit that, even though I love him to pieces, I am sometimes left wondering, Who are you and what have you done with my fun-loving little boy?! Then I breath deeply and repeat what must be a universal parental mantra “it is only a phase…” Though sometimes it is more of a question then mantra.

…taking your child to the ER for the first time.

I had just set Ivy down in her swing last night and walked into the kitchen so I could give Damian his dinner when I heard her starting to fuss. I clipped Damian’s tray on and went to check on her only to see this:

(Technically I took this photo a little later. When I first saw her, the blood was smeared and flowing and dripping in her eye and I cleaned that up instantly.)

I admit, my initial reaction was to snatch her up and have a moment of oh-my-god-I-cannot-breath panic. A few minutes earlier Michael had gone out to the store for me and so it was just me and a mysteriously bleeding baby who was getting progressively more upset. After my moment I grabbed a washcloth, wet it and wiped the blood away. I then noticed her hemangioma had started bleeding. This was kind of relieving, I had read this could happen, though they normally are much much larger at that point.

I took that picture in the time it took me to set down the wipe and pick up my camera, it was bleeding that fast. I wanted the picture to take to her appointment with the specialist, something can be hard to explain. Then I put pressure in it, not so easy with an angry hurting newborn, I had no idea she could thrash so much. I nursed her at one point which calmed her down but the blood was still soaking through the cloth. After 15 minutes (eternity…) I checked it, the bleeding had no slowed.

I called Michael and told him to check out and come home and then reapplied pressure again. When Michael got home (15 minutes later) it was still really flowing. t was getting close to 20:00 so he called the nurse hotline our pediatrician gave us for after hours and gave them the information, they said they would call us back in a few minutes (wtf?) 15 minutes or so later they called back, Ivy was still soaking through the washcloth though it seemed to be slowing a little. They told us to bring her into Sacred Heart’s ER. I had a feeling this was going to happen so I already had packed the diaper bag and gotten Damian ready.

Then I called Andrea and Shannon, I left the both voicemails. I had held it together till this point but telling my best friends that we needed their help… I couldn’t even finish the messages. Andrea later told me all she hear was ER Ivy and Call Back before calling me (just a couple minutes after I left the message.) I asked if she would come help us take care of Damian in the ER. She said she would with Peter (her fiance, he also officiated our handfasting for those who were there!)

We have the Best Friends Ever.

In the car Ivy started to calm down and, of course, stopped bleeding. Though it was still weeping a bit. We decided to go anyways since the nurses had recommended it and were expecting us. Andrea and Peter met us at the ER (the emergency room on a Friday night, fun…) We were shortly moved to the children’s ER were we waited… and waited… Andrea texted Shannon to give her and update and let her know she didn’t need to come. I was expecting the long wait, not my first time I have been in the emergency room. My mom was right though, she told me when I was little and in the ER that I would not understand some things until I became a parent. In that moment I completely understood how my parents felt when something was wrong with me. My children were not even born in a hospital, this was literally the first time I have had to go to one with them!

Eventually the nurse came and took Ivy’s vitals and then we waited some more, then we were moved to a private room and a doctor came and checked on Ivy. While washing off her face she started bleeding again so she gave me some gauze to apply pressure and said she would be back in a few minutes. She gave Damian a popsicle and a nurse put Lilo and Stitch on for him. Between them checking on us and Ivy’s bleeding stopping it took about 2 hours, the gauze kept pulling off her scab so they gave us non-adhesive gauze (which still did but not as much.) Good thing because they were considering putting silver nitrate on it when it did.

I just wanted to say that the staff at Sacred Heart was awesome though at the time I didn’t feel they were doing enough (I figure this is a pretty common reaction) I was impressed with them. Not as impressed as I was with Andrea and Peter though! They stayed with us the whole time keeping our spirits up (and our eyes open) and helping care for Damian (who refused to sleep of course, too many interesting things!) Again, we have the Best Friends Ever.

Then we left, it was 12:04. I know this because I was waiting for my birthday to start! Now that the stress has passed and we know she is okay, I admit I am dreading the ER bill. However I am glad we went. The best birthday gift is knowing my baby will be okay.

So in a nutshell, what happened? Her hemangioma opened (she may have scratched it) and since it is a tumor made up of blood vessels it had issues stopping bleeding. We know how to stop it in the future at home (time and pressure.) This does increase the likelihood it will need to be removed but Ivy’s appointment is not until February 1st. Let’s hope this doesn’t happen again between now and then.

Nothing is cuter then…

…baby feet. Except maybe…

Booties. And not just any booties but the booties my grandma knitted for me as a baby.

Ducks and hoodies add to the natural cuteness of things too.

As do toddlers, it doesn’t really matter what they are doing.

And yes, this post’s only purpose is to bombarding you with photos of my children and I don’t mind one little bit! One of these will be my photo of the day for my 365 photo project, I haven’t settled on one though. Which would you pick?

Why does a pediatrician using a fancy term and referring your newborn to an eye specialist sound so frightening? Nothing against Ivy’s doctor, who is amazing, I’ve just never had anything wrong, or at least specialist-worthy wrong, with Damian (knock on wood!) It is nothing particularly serious, or at least it usually wouldn’t be and still probably isn’t…

Ivy has developed something called an infantile hemangioma, which is a benign tumor caused by a buildup of blood vessels in the skin where they don’t belong. You can see Ivy’s in the photo above her eye. It doesn’t seem large (I personally am constantly get distracted by her pretty blue eyes when I look at her) but when compared to a photo of her from a couple weeks ago you can see why we were concerned. Her pediatrician says they generally run their course, getting larger over time and then normally reducing in size and all but disappearing by the time a person is between 5 and 10 years old.

The problem for Ivy is that her hemangioma is close to her eye, which means it could cause complications as it grows, like blindness, if it is not monitored (and treated if necessary.) The great thing is that we do not live in the stone age and if it proves to be one that could impair her growth, we can have to treated or removed. Modern medicine certainly has it’s place. I am not sure if our insurance will cover treatment (what they consider necessary and what the doctor considers necessary can vastly differ) but I really don’t care if I have to beg or knock over a bank to take care of my daughter. It will be done.

But I am getting ahead of myself with worry, we haven’t even seen the specialist yet, with whom I will be making an appointment with tomorrow. Ultimately this is not a major problem, I think my worry stems from the usual parental protectiveness as well as this being the first thing my child has ever been sent to a specialist for (heck Damian has only been sick, and then only with the flu, once.) Fingers cross!

Finally an elusive Ivy smile has been captured for all to appreciate. No doubt she was plotting future plans of world domination (or achieving world peace for the softer at heart, but I know better. I’ve seen Aos whispering to her.)

A few people have asked me how I have been doing recently, and as anyone who has children knows, life has been very busy. Between Damian and Ivy’s needs as well as carving out the all important couple time with Michael it is amazing I accomplish anything beyond basic household chores.

There are good days and bad days. Yesterday wasn’t great, I was moody as were my children and then the washing machine when kaput. That in itself is not the end of the world, except I exclusively cloth diaper my children and the sopping wet load in there at the moment is three quarters of my supply. Ick! However other then a middle of the night disposable diaper run on Michael’s part (love you!) the washer is under warranty, so it is only a temporary inconvenience. I admit that for a moment last night, it all felt totally overwhelming. Michael is totally taking care of it all though (again, love!)

Yesterday aside, I usually feel pretty balanced but these short Winter days can really wear on my emotional state, as does postpartum body. I know not to be too hard on myself and I do not have any particular drive to look skinny and stretch marks do not bother me in the least but I feel unhealthy right now. At the moment weighing less would be a step in the right direction to fix that. So an increase in exercise is in order as I already eat a very balanced diet for a breatsfeeding mother (though that did go partly the way of the dodo during the holidays. Mmmm cookies…) I am not sure how to go about exercising yet. Come Spring, yard work and general time out keep me fit but Winter has a couple strikes against me in that arena. Besides that I simple do not like working out in the Winter. Again, I accuse the heavy clouds and lengthy darkness for that lack of motivation. Which is a little funny since working out usually lifts my mood in the cold months. I would like to find something indoors and motivational that I can do between chasing a toddler and caring for a newborn. And something free, I can’t afford a wii or wii fit as much as those are fun and I would love one.

Beyond my health though, life is good. Whether good or bad each moment feels precious and my heart feels more open than it has in a long time. I know I have to treasure these moments as I will never again be at this moment in my life. Today I am going over a list of words to pick a theme for the next year. At the moment openness sounds good, but then so do simplicity and balance. I want to narrow it to one. It will be my mantra and spiritual focus until I feel I have some mastery of it, or for the next year, whichever point of reevaluation comes first.

And to finish with a little bit of frivolity (as both my children are now awake.) This is Damian’s latest epic battle toy arrangement. Is it odd that it bugs me more that there are herbivores attacking the stegosaurus than that a robot is joining the fray?

Time to unwrap the gifts!

Toddler crayons rock! (From Grandma Lorie, as is the Stud Muffin shirt.)

New books are also awesome. As Damian unwrapped each one he made Michael read it to him.

Damian received a ton of gifts from family, so therefor there are a ton of pictures. Michael and I bought him a Tonka firetruck which has been zooming around the house for the past few days, along with the wooden helicopter from his Aunt Lydia. He also received an awesome pedal powered tractor from his Grandma Lorie, Great Grandma Mason and Great Uncle Stan. As if I already couldn’t keep up with him, now he has wheels! I think he is in love. They sent him the John Deer shirt to complete the look. (Now if we could just get a plow and tiller for it, I would never need to do yard work again…) Ivy received clothes and a huge singing plush hound (it sings “Blue Christmas”.) I have a video of her with said dog which I have yet to upload. We also received a wooden advent calender, a duvet cover and a camera (thank you Uncle Stan!) and a jigsaw. Come warmer weather and a little practice, Michael and I are going to try our hands at some simple wooden children’s toys. I am really excited about that.

Christmas was lovely and I am certain Damian was completely thrilled with his gifts (as he is still playing with them all.) The day had a perfect wrap up for him too, hot chocolate and a snuggle in his new red bathrobe (made with love by yours truly, with a pattern created by my mother-in-law.) I could make a tradition out of just that you know…

Ivy is growing so fast, I can’t believe it has already been a month!

(or maybe my cat has a human head.)

Just the other day I had scruffy but adorable baby curls and bangs that Mommy was constantly pushing out of my eyes. There was talk of girly hair bows if it got much longer.

Then my Aunty Shannon came over to visit this weekend and now…

(Ben and I at our Yule gathering over the weekend.)

I look like quite a dashing boy if I do say so myself. Mommy, Daddy and Aunty Shannon agree but they say I look way to grown up and three times more mischievous now.

… staying up into the wee hours of the night humming Three Little Birds to your three week old with an upset tummy.

-

Don’t worry about a thing,
‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin’: “Don’t worry about a thing,
‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right!”

Rise up this mornin’,
Smiled with the risin’ sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin’ sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin’, (”This is my message to you-ou-ou:”)

Don’t worry about a thing…

-

I don’t know about you but I think it is a pretty good lullaby for this longest night of the year. As tired as I am, this still feels like a precious time for Ivy and I. Our first Solstice eve together.

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” – Elizabeth Stone

OMG Mommy, the world is covered in icecream!

Yay icecream!

Om nom nom nom!

What the heck?! This doesn’t taste like icecream!

Since early in my pregnancy with Ivy I had had a feeling she was going to be born on, my Grandpa Mason’s birthday, which is November 27th. As it turned out she was born on the 29th but I did go into labor on the evening of the 27th.

So many people have misconceptions of what labor is like. Most tv shows would have you believe that after weeks of bed rest from some unknown malady, a pregnant woman suddenly doubles over screaming in agony as her water explodes everywhere and then ten minutes later she pushes out a screaming perfectly clean baby. The mother never delivers the placenta on tv (in fact it is never even mentioned) and the mother’s body then magically reverts to it’s prepregnancy shape upon delivery of the child (haha.)

I say this because I want you to understand that when I say I went into labor on the 27th, I do not mean I was in active angry labor for a day and a half. What I mean is I had bloody show and sporadic light contractions that started on the evening of the 27th.

So what did I do now that it had begun? I took a bath and went to bed, and proceeded to slept through the night. (Not exactly Hollywood material is it?)

The next morning I woke up to the same light contractions of the evening before, but they were a bit more consistent, probably 10 or 15 minutes apart and lasting 30 seconds. I guess this is what a lot of medical professionals would call “failure to progress” and would have been wanting to induce me at this point but it wasn’t bothering me and Ivy was still moving about. I felt she was just doing things on her own time. I messaged my two friends (Andrea and Shannon) who were to be present for the birth not to leave town that day though.

I do not like focusing on early labor as it makes the whole experience seem to last forever so I started cleaning the house. You could call it nesting, but really my mother raised me never to have people over in a messy house, and since Ivy was to be a homebirth, people would be coming over. I also baked a batch of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies and made a Winter vegetable stew, that is more like nesting for me, yummy food! I even did the dishes…

Even though I was constantly distracting myself, the day still really dragged. When evening finally rolled around I was getting a bit annoying by it all. I called my midwife (Beth attended this labor) and friends to let them know to expect a middle of the night call and get some sleep while they could, and then we ate dinner. Around eight Michael and I put Damian to bed and finished watching an episode of TNG before getting ready for bed ourselves. Of course once I was ready to crawl under the sheets, I moved into active labor. Even though I was a bit tired I was really quite relieved, finally some change! However the strength of the contractions also made me want to plant myself down where I stood and not move, which happened to be on my knees leaning over my exercise ball in the doorway of Damian’s playroom.

Michael called Beth and Andrea. As Andrea lives just 5 minutes from us so she was the first to arrive, she texted Shannon at some point as well. Before Shannon arrived Damian decided that it was a good time to wake up so Andrea took over for Michael (who was rubbing my back) while he went to comfort him. Little did we know that all the activity of Shannon and Beth arriving a few minutes later would keep Damian up all night! He was very well behaved as long as Michael was holding him though. Andrea and Shannon were like my doulas during labor, they were amazing. Michael and Damian sat near me, always within arms reach, which was very comforting.

Eventually Andrea and Shannon convinced me I would be more comfortable on the couch then between a rocking horse and wooden blocks, so I managed to move into the living room and lay down. They were right, way more comfortable! Granted they were making me feel like royalty with how much they were pampering me which certainly helped me relax.

Don’t get me wrong, contractions still really really suck, and I was having back labor which is particularly horrid but I was still really happy. I was also really funny, at least in my own mind I was. When I was in labor with Damian, even when I was in transition, everything was amusing to me and I kept trying to tell jokes but my contractions got in the way. It was the same this time too though I don’t remember what I said other than at some point I was trying to tell Andrea why I was laughing and it was because Henry Winkler was covered in bees (Little Nicky reference.)

After Beth arrived and was all set up (she really does bring everything, even an oxygen tank, just in case…) she checked my dilation. I remember groaning “I bet I’m at 4cm and will be forever!” And guess what? I was right! Okay, maybe it wasn’t forever, but after a couple more hours it felt like it. When I delivered Damian I tore a little and had some scar tissue left from that, so my cervix had to get past that hurtle before dilating past 4cm. My cervix got hung up again at 6cm, just like it did with Damian. My water still hadn’t broken but was bugling, just like it did with Damian. If my body had it’s own way, I have a feeling it would give birth to the baby still in the amniotic sac. Neither Linda or Beth have ever seen a sac as thick as mine, the Fort Knox of sacs… With Damian, Linda had to break my water with a special hook designed for that purpose, though it looks eerily like a crochet hook. I delivered him 1 minute to the hour after my water was broken. With this both Beth also gave me the option of breaking my water but I decided to wait awhile longer and see if it would on it’s own. I also switched position back to the floor leaning over my exercise ball and stayed there until I delivered Ivy.

At 1:30 in the morning on November 29th I asked Beth to break my water. Within minutes of her doing that I had the urge to push, much to Beth’s surprise. I was a bit surprised too as I had yet to go through transition. I went directly from active labor to the urge to push. I was not about to complain about it though! Then one of the most amusing things that can happen during labor happened, at least in my opinion, Beth asked me not to push for a few contractions (my cervix was not done dilating so it was swelling due to my pushes, which is a little counterproductive obviously.) This is probably only amusing to women who have been in labor and who know that the urge to push is quite possibly the most overwhelming feeling in existence. Asking me not to push is like asking the Earth to stop spinning.

However the Earth did stop spinning according to everyone present, or at least they said that I did manage to not push for a few contractions. I honestly don’t remember (probably because I was thinking of various people covered in bees) but I do remember Beth telling me I could push again which I was probably more then happy to do. I few pushes after that Ivy was crowning and then her head was out and Beth told me to stop pushing, again! Not so funny this time since the reason not to push was due to my baby’s cord being wrapped around her neck. Again I managed not to push for most of a contraction, long enough to loosen to cord. Unlike with Damian, I felt Ivy’s whole body coming out, not just her head, this is because Ivy’s head circumference at birth was 13.5″ and her chest was 14″. Normally the head is the largest part of a newborn but not my daughter. She needs that extra chest room for her amazing lungs, which she was happy to let us hear as soon as she was out, much to my own relief. (A cord around the neck is not as scary as it sounds but in that moment it was the most terrifying moment in my life.)

Ivy was born almost exactly an hour after my water was broken at 2:30, just like with Damian’s birth. Since I gave birth to her on my hands and knees it was a little funny getting me sat down and Ivy up onto my chest but but in no time she was wrapped in my arms and snuggled against me. Other then Beth drawing some cord blood (it is important for me to know if Ivy has a positive or negative blood type since I am RH-) I held my baby girl until her cord stopped pulsing and was cut (by my very excited friend Shannon), I delivered the placenta and then breastfed my baby girl for the first time.

After that everything was little bit of a blur. There came the usual weighting (8lbs,) measuring (21″,) and Ivy received her vitamin K shot. Michael put on her first diaper, clothes and swaddled her and then everyone got to hold her for a little while (I love watching my husband hold our children) while Beth checked me out and I got to cleaned myself up (yay! Labor comes with an unbelievable amount of bodily fluids…) A couple hours later after Beth had finished all her postbirth cleanup and paperwork, she was gone and it was just Michael, Damian, Ivy, Andrea, Shannon and myself left. It was only then that I realized Andrea had brought a huge fruit tray and hummus and chips, yum! We talked for a time, though I don’t remember about what, mostly because I was dozing off, which was quickly noticed by all. I didn’t want Andrea and Shannon to leave, they were so wonderful during the birth, but they did. We couldn’t be blessed with better friends. And then it was just Michael, Damian, myself and our newest little baby girl.

We all ended up in bed together (I was pointless to try and get Damian to sleep in his toddler bed at that point) and falling asleep. Michael and Damian were out like lights and Ivy was already asleep in the crook of my arm. The last thing I remember before sleep overtook me was seeing my family glowing in the light of the moon streaming in our bedroom window as if we were being blessed by the Moon Goddess herself. Perfect is the only word that comes to mind to describe that scene, it made ever moment in labor worth it.

“If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle.” – Vincent van Gogh

My seasonal depression is coming on a bit strong today and it is mixed with my baby blues and the fact that Michael went back to work today. Feeling a little overwhelmed by it all but I just wanted to remind myself that no matter how long (looong) the nights are that I am truly grateful for my beautiful baby girl, wonderful son and my amazing husband. We can make it through this and we will never have these early days again.

On a seperate note Damian is currently following Aos around the house trying to hang a little bell off his tail. Who needs TV when I have this? I am grateful to have such a tolerant cat. I actually think Aos might even be enjoying the attention.

And the sun just pierced the clouds (snow is expected later today.) Who says that miracles don’t happen? Excuse me while we all go sit in a morning sunbeam together.

Ivy Eleanor Stewart was born on November 29th, 2009 at 2:30am. She weighed 8lbs, and is 21 inches long. Welcome to the world precious baby girl!

In these last few days before the arrival of our second child arrives, I have been looking at the early photos of Damian and rereading his birth story. He has grown so much in these past 17 months, I’m in awe. This is one of my favorite, he is just a couple days old here, he is definitely still Daddy’s little man.

Damian is standing beside me at the moment making lion noises (rwar, rwar, RWAR!) while holding his stuffed lion, which was assisting me in the tickle attack on Damian a few minutes ago. He has been such a big help lately, his developmental milestones being closer to that of a two-year-old. He helps me unload the dishwasher, put his clothes and diapers away, sweep (okay, he TRIES to sweep, good enough for me.) Damian’s greatest help as of late though is that he seems to understand that I am tired a lot and he will just crawl in my lap and relax and nap with me. I haven’t a doubt that he will be a fantastic brother but I do anticipate a bit of confusion in the beginning, as he is so use to my undivided attention.

All the birth supplies that I can prepare are ready and in a storage bin in our bedroom, all the newborn supplies are in their proper place too, clothes in the dresser, cloth diapers rewashed and stacked in the changing table, breastfeeding supplies in a bag (Lansinoh is my breast friend.) As much as the baby companies would like you to think otherwise, newborns really don’t need much. Well, that isn’t exactly true, they need a ton, they need your attention, your joy, your deepest love… and a heck of a lot of diaper changes.

I feel as ready for this birth as I can be and I know Michael is too. People tend to downplay the role of their partners during labor but I know I could not have gotten through Damian’s natural birth without Michael’s support (and the constant pressure of his hands on my lower back.) I truly believe he worked just as hard as I did and he will again for this baby’s birth. However, as ready for her arrival as I am, I know she will not come one moment sooner then her own schedule dictates. I just wish I could peek into her day planner!

We made Halloween themed chocolate sugar cookies this evening. Damian got to use the new cookie cutters (the silhouette cat and pumpkin) that he got from Grandma Lorie this week. Mostly he ran off with them (he doesn’t quite understand the concept of the cookie cutter) but he was fascinated with the process.

He was also pretty interested in the cup I filled with flour to dust the table before I rolled out the dough. Michael noticed the theft.

An adult would not be nearly as cute getting this messy.

Pumpkins and cats and spiders oh my!

Do you make any special treats this time of year?

We had an early cold snap this year (and I mean cold, it normally takes till January to get into the teens!) Even though the central heater is on, I am still a summer baby and get cold. I find sitting on the floor vent normally helps.

If not that then I lay on it so that I can absorb every last drop of heat that seeps out of the vent.

And when all else fails, I just get Mommy to wrap me up like a burrito and it’s all good.

I have a really nasty flu, I almost had to go the hospital yesterday because my fever spiked and Tylenol was not bringing it down. Normally 102°F isn’t doctor worthy to me but everything is different when you are pregnant isn’t it? While I do have a bun in the oven, I don’t need to burn her (or worse, deliver early!) However that fever broke shortly after Michael got home to take care of me. He took Damian to the store and bought me gingerale and chicken soup too, I love that man.

It is ironic that when you are completely congested, all you want is to be able to breath, and then when you brain is draining out your nose (seriously, it has to be brains, there is no way my body can create that much mucus, so gross) all you want is to be a bit more congested.

Today I woke feeling a bit better except for really awful nausea, now that that is gone and I feel just as gross as yesterday again, my fever is back and forth between normal and 100°F. Luckily not any higher, Tylenol is doing it’s job. I ran out of elderberry syrup though so my throat is just killing me. I can focus enough to blog though! Whether I should be typing in this state is a matter for another discussion. As is if I have H1N1 because I know someone is going to suggest it and get all freaked out. If it is oh well, the likelihood of it taking me out is very low. What is kind of amusing though is even if I wanted to get vaccinated (which I don’t) I couldn’t anyways. Even though I am in one of the highest risk groups to get the disease, pregnant and in my 20s, the first volley of the vaccine out now is the nasal spray, which is a live vaccine, which means I can’t take it – because I am pregnant! The shot probably won’t be available until Ivy is born which kind of defeats the purpose doesn’t it?

Damian is being amazingly good through all this, when I was throwing up earlier he stood beside and gently patted my back and later when I was laying down he either played quietly by himself, came and snuggled with me or sat beside me and pet my hair. A couple times he tried to bring me his sippy to make me drink and he also brought me toilet paper (I don’t have kleenex) when I was sneezing. So cute! Granted he then ran off with the toilet paper when I fell asleep again and tped the living room… Hehe.

They are calling for potential snow flurries tonight, a forecast that is unfortunately echoed in with my almanacs (early snows and a truly frigid Winter.) I wouldn’t mind if they were both wrong, I am not really for snow, much less a repeat of last year’s Winter. Besides if it keeps getting colder I am going to have to figure out how to fit Damian’s Halloween costume around a snow suit (and since my Mom said she wants to get him one in Canada, I have been holding off looking for one. Not that they are selling them here yet anyways.) For the curious, I was going to make Damian a sunflower for Halloween but some thought that that was a little too emasculating, so I am making him a bee. I might dress as a sunflower though!

I am watching PBS documentary, the original Olympians competed naked? I would love to see that in today’s Winter Olympics. Let’s see how tough those skiers really are!

Wow, I’m easily amused when I am sick…

My Great Grandma Mason made this sweater for me last year but it didn’t fit till this year. It is SO soft and wonderful, it has car and train buttons! I love it and I won’t even let Mommy take it off me for my naps.

In the past month or so Damian has taken to perching on the couch to look out the window and wave at everything (dogs, cats, people, birds, trees, invisible things.)

I seem am having a bit of a strange day. I woke up with the strange sense of fear or apprehension, completely undefined and unfocused though. It was just a weird feeling, like the world was going to just explode at any moment. I think children are very sensitive to the moods of others, especially their parents, and Damian has been sticking close to me today and wants lots of cuddles. I’m cool with that, I want lots of cuddles too. Both of us are feeling under the weather too with low-grade fevers and pretty much non-existent appetites. Thirsty as heck though. My strange sense of fear has waned as the day has progressed, or at least I haven’t seen any Vogon ships yet!

One change in the routine today was, of course, caused by Damian. I accidentally left a tin of loose black tea out on the table and Damian got a hold of it (you can probably see where this is going.) He indulged in quite a bit before I noticed. I have never seen Damian so hyper. It was oddly both cute and amusing though, which makes me feel a tad bit mean. Sometimes when we are out I see parents giving small children soda and after watching Damian for the 30 minutes it took the tea to wear off, I have to wonder about these people’s mental health in making that dietary choice for their young ones…

Time is flying by lately and Damian seems to be growing in leaps and bounds. I feel like he is coming up with some new little thing to wow us with every day. It is so magical to witness his personality developing. Lately we have been fully appreciating the last warm days of summer in our backyard. I’ve been watching Damian’s love for flowering dandelions transition to a love of dandelions that have gone to seed. He wanders around and picks all that he can cram into his little hands and then either blows on them or makes a running b-line for one of the raised beds. While I am generally faster then him (I’ve noticed the pregnant waddle returning recently,) I do now have a few little quarantine areas in the winter bed where I am watching for explosions of dandelion sprouts among the carrot. Do you think he will be helping me plant seeds next Spring?

My website ticker says that I am 30 weeks along with just 70 days until Ivy’s due date. Seriously, time is flying by! My midwife will be drawing blood this afternoon for the usual tests, ick! Not that I have any apprehension, but I don’t think anyone enjoys being stuck. I am grateful that Beth will be doing the draw I never feel it and she gets it right the first time (in the past nurses and doctors tend to butcher my arm looking for something to tap.) I have wanted to clarify something about my midwife, recently I was asked if I have two of them as I often refer to my midwife as either Beth or Linda. The answer is yes… and no. The Spokane Midwives practice is owned by both Linda and Beth but it is only ever one of them who gives me my check ups and only one will be attending Ivy’s birth (with an assistant.) Linda was the one who helped deliver Damian but I wouldn’t have minded if it had been Beth on call. I love them both and they are both equally experienced certified nurse midwives.

Since time is zooming along, I am pulling out my Bradley Method workbook today. When I was pregnant with Damian we took Bradley classes and while I was a bit of a skeptic at the time I know now that it is definitely the right choice for my body and desire for another natural birth. So in other words, it is time to start the review.

Another question I was asked recently is if I am having the intense and spiritual dreams that I had when I was pregnant with Damian during this pregnancy too. If you followed this blog when I was carrying Damian you might remember the dreams I had involving both condors and snakes. I have had similar dreams this time around but mainly with jackals (sometimes they are coyotes) and snakes. Lately luna moths have been present in some of the dreams too. The animals have never been frightened me, completely the opposite, they all have been incredibly maternal, supportive and protective. Even the moths, which are luna moths but prehistorically large are oddly maternal. So far they have only been present in the dreams where I have just given birth and they cover Ivy like a cozy blanket.

I generally try not to make predictions (at least not publicly) with my pregnancies, after all I thought Ivy was a boy, but I also keep dreaming she will be born the day after Thanksgiving, November 27th, which was my Grandpa Mason’s birthday (and the day I broke my arm when I was 13 too but let’s not think about that.) We will see I guess!

Tomorrow we are carrying on our Autumn Equinox tradition of going out to Beck’s Harvest House in Greenbluff to pick apples. Initially we were going to go today but with high winds and a 40% of rain in forecast we postpone for tomorrow, banking on the weatherman’s promise of a perfect Autumn day.

Some of you might remember that I purchased an Autumn-themed board book for Damian as a Lughnasadh gift. I am really happy to report that he loves it, the pictures are so vivid and detailed that they completely captivate him. I would recommend it to anyone thinking about purchasing a similar gift with one word of caution, there are no words in it, only paintings. I personally prefer that as I can make up a different tale each time we go through it, but I realize that that is not for everyone.

Building on the idea of gifting him with something seasonal for each sabbat I recently purchased him Autumn Equinox gift, which I wanted to reflect our yearly trip to the orchards. I found lots of beautiful ideas but ultimately Michael helped me chose a Holztiger wooden apple tree (which I think is exceptionally well crafted.) Though Autumn Equinox will not technically arrive until Tuesday, we gave it to him today as we will be apple picking tomorrow.

I know that most children only associate Christmas or their birthday with special traditions and/or presents but since our family celebrates the Wheel of the Year I like the idea of doing something special with my children at the beginning and height of each of the seasons (what we refer to as sabbats of which we have eight.) I do not intend for each sabbat to be heralded with a gift, ultimately I would love it to become more of some kind of craft where we can talk about the meaning of the sabbat while we create something special together as well as our traditional activities (such as apple picking.) However that idea will largely depend on Damian being able to say more then 20 words and no longer attempting to eat craft supplies! So a board book or a small gift is the most developmentally appropriate at the moment.

Holztiger toys are geared more towards imaginary play which Damian is still a little young for, however I have no doubt he will grow into that phase (as it is natural.) For now though, he is more then pleased with his new toy even if his current use of it is running around the house waving it around like a club and occasionally stopping beside me to show me one of the bright red apples painted on it. Last year he was only 3 1/2 months old for the Harvest Festival and slept through most of it but I am sure that will not be the case with him this year. I can’t wait to see what he thinks of the big red apples hanging off the trees!

I watched Rachelle, my friend Shannon’s 8-year-old daughter today. It wasn’t nearly as traumatic and I was worried it would be. Of course it helped my neighbor’s 10-year-old daughter was home and they played all day between my and her yard.

Did you know that the mother who controls the juice boxes controls the world? Mwahahahaha! The power of snacks!

Can’t believe I just said that… Anyhow, I’ll be watching her again tomorrow and then she started school on Thursday. Even though she basically took care of herself all day, I feel exhausted! Damian really wanted to roll with the big kids but he isn’t quite there yet. So there was lots of chasing around and a couple “but-why-can’t-I!” tantrums involved. Draining! At least he gives me my workout. I think it is impossible for me to be out of shape with my personal trainer toddler.

Speaking of my spawn, this pregnancy has been treating me well so far. Last week’s checkup with marvelously well, I’m right on all my numbers, as are Ivy’s. Her heartbeat is 145 for those who previously asked. The only problem thus far is that my sciatica is starting to rear it’s evil little head again, which happened at this same time when I was carrying Damian. I recognized it early this time though and have been working on keeping it from becoming debilitating again. So far so good! Also something is really aggravating my sinuses this week, probably the wildfires up north. It burns when I breath and the insides of my ears itch like hell! Bleh. It isn’t as bad this evening though.

This past week I have been strongly considering buying a crib. Damian never used one because we bed-share (and now he has a toddler bed.) When he was younger either I napped with him during the day or laid him on a floormat. Since it was just me and him I never felt it was a safety issue. However Ivy will need a safe place to nap during the day, away from her inquisitive and playful brother. Luckily Shannon gifted us with a crib which is in excellent condition (she bed-shared with Rachelle too so it is only slightly used.) We had to buy the mattress, but I would have replaced one anyhow. Yay for wonderful friends and saving some coin!

As for the picture at the top of this post, it felt weird posting without one so I give you gratuitous butt shots and bean stealing from this past weekend’s trip to AC Farms in Otis Orchards. You can never have enough green beans.

(One of the projects I am working on that Damian is helping with is building new raised beds. He is really enjoying helping me double dig the ground which they will be built on! And yes, he is running in circles through the freshly turned dirt waving a little plastic garden fork in this photo.)

I know that every pregnancy is different (I have been told so ever since I conceived Damian and probably before then too!) but the differences are really quite remarkable. My physical condition is not really that different from when I was last pregnant but my psychological condition definitely is. Not to say I have gone to stark raving mad (too late! Mwahahahaha!) and it is really nothing negative at all… Let me try to explain. When I was pregnant with Damian, I was acutely aware of my pregnancy; every kick or flutter, every moment of nausea or cramp, every little thing, and now with Ivy I have hardly noticed any of that at all. Sure she kicks, and I am definitely noticing the nudges to the bladder more often as she grows, but I do not feel the intense connection with this pregnancy that I did with Damian. Not that it really bothers me, I don’t have time to worry about it.

I would hazard to guess that chasing around a toddler all day, as well as all the other domestic chores and projects in my life are a big factor in why I have very much compartmentalized this pregnancy. I am not concerned about it but when I really think about it I kind of miss the connection. I think I might need to set aside some time for just her and I, maybe while Damian naps. On some visceral level I feel it is important for me to connect with her at this point in her development too. Does that seem silly? It is not as if she is going to remember me rubbing my belly and talking to her.

I do not want to regret anything about this pregnancy, I have one regret with Damian’s which I want to “fix” this time. I did not have prenatal photos taken, this October I am hoping Andrea will be willing to take them for me. She is the one who did the Stewart photos last year as well as our family photos with then month-old Damian. I want to make a birthing necklace that will be a mandala for Ivy when she is older with this pregnancy too. I have decided that I am going to have a mother blessing (sometimes called a blessing way) in October, rather then a baby shower. Other then a handful of items, I have most of what I need for Ivy since we needed it for Damian. A mother blessing is a more spiritually oriented ceremony then a shower, here is a nice little article talking about them.

One thing that has not changed at all from Damian’s pregnancy is the wild pregnancy dreams. The carrion eating animals are still even present, though whereas with Damian they were condors and vultures, with Ivy they are coyotes and jackals. While that might creep some people out, I find the dreams immensely comforting.

Anyhow, I just thought I would post some of my thoughts regarding this pregnancy since some people have asked. For the curious, to answer the remaining questions I have gotten breifly. I will be using a midwife again, still Linda and Beth, and am planning a homebirth assuming all continues to go well (I am not really concerned with anyone’s opinions regarding this, I assume your pro or con opinions have no changed since I made a similar choice with my last birth.) Physically, other then the occasional migraine (which are going away as my pregnancy progresses as they did with Damian,) I feel fantastic. Ivy is growing just fine and her heartbeat is strong. Her kicks to my bladder are becoming quite strong too. I am the right weight and my blood pressure is perfect. I am not quite as limber as before naturally (this bump is getting in the way!) but I have managed to keep with Damian and my daily walks and yoga. Damian is starting to notice Ivy kick when he sits against me, which is more amusing then I thought it would be, hehe.

Damian is starting to get old enough that he wants to help with everything, and while that doesn’t always help (if you know what I mean) I know he is going to be a fantastic older brother and great mommy helper when Ivy arrives. Both of which give me comfort and make me happy. I am happy. Everyone keeps asking me that for some reason. I am very much looking forward to meeting Ivy (her official due date is December 4th for the curious.) I am thrilled with my life and where it is leading, I am in love with my husband, I adore my son, I have fantastic and supportive friends. Most of all, I am also thrilled that we are nearing autumn, cooler weather sounds so wonderful right now.

My Grandma Lorie sent me a gift package with new clothes! These are the shirts she sent, I love them! Almost as cool as the box they came in, boxes are awesome. Mommy says she is just going to wrap up empty boxes for Yule for me, is she serious? I picked out my clothes this morning and I must admit, I think I look quite dashing.

It’s been a busy day and if you follow me on twitter you might have noticed a series of maddening clues (or at least they were maddening to some who follow me.) I had my ultrasound, Michael brought home grapes and Shannon cut my hair. So to satisfy the curious:

Those grapes… After my ultrasound, Michael brought home a case of organic red seedless ones, waaay more then we could ever eat. Well, I probably could have eaten them all, but that might not have been the healthiest choice. So we loaded some of them up and randomly dropped them off at our friends’ houses. Spreading the love via drive by fruitings. It is nice when you know how to get into your friends’ homes when they are not home, maybe a little creepy, but cool.

Shannon was home though and she attacked me with a pair of shears. It worked out delightfully well though, I love the haircut. Pardon the darkness of the photo, I have had to resort to my camera phone till the new one arrives. Cute though, no? I still have my 12-inch pony tail in my backpack though, in case I get hair withdrawal.

So that was pretty much my day.

Oh wait, the ultrasound? Were you curious about that? Well, apparently you can get pregnant before your period returns after giving birth (about a 2% possibility) and then have a 10 day heavy period when you are about 5 weeks into it (not sure the probability there but it is unusual.) The baby is fine, no worries. Yes, there is only one. I’m at about 20 weeks instead 15, which changes my due date to around December 2nd, maybe a Thanksgiving baby?

We are very excited and relieve it is not twins. I am reluctant to share the sex for fear of being inundated with piles of blindingly pink things but I suppose that kind of gives it away doesn’t it? It’s a girl, her name will be Ivy Eleanor Stewart.

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, never underestimate the power of having nice maternity clothes. It is wonderful to feel beautiful and be comfortable at the same time. Look at that belly (photo taken this morning) can you believe I have been forcing that into my old jeans? No wonder I felt like I was being cut in two. Can you believe that is a 13 week belly? I know this is my second so it should be bigger sooner but I wasn’t this big last time will I was at 30 weeks. No wonder Beth wants me to have an ultrasound to confirm gestational age or multiples. July 16th, hurry up! The wait is killing me, it is like a Christmas present I can’t peek at.

This weekend was really lovely, if a little on the warm side. We had a few friends over on the fourth for a barbecue. I grilled up burgers and fresh pineapple (I adore grilled pineapple, actually I pretty much adore anything that can be grilled.) Pie, chips, cheeses, cherries, blueberries, ice tea and soda were plentiful too. (I also adore ice tea.) It was nice to just relax on the deck with friends. Missed the fireworks, but I didn’t really miss them either.

On Sunday Michael and I went on our first date since Damian has been born. It was wonderful to get away and spend time as a couple. Our friends Andrea and Peter watched Damian and they say he was great for them. He must have had fun because within 5 minutes of them leaving he was out cold having worn himself out. Michael and I went and say UP, I was teared up before the Pixar short was over! The movie was really deep and sweet, a perfect movie for our first date.

Afterwards we went to Motherhood Maternity and I found some new clothes. They make fantastic full-panel jeans, pants and skirts. The panel (full-panel means it covers your who belly) is made with a breathable material so you don’t perish from heat exhaustion and holds tight enough that you aren’t adjusting them every 5 minutes.

Anyhow the weekend was great, this week is going to be nice too, Michael is taking Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off, and the weekend as usual. Don’t know what we are doing yet (other then getting our hair cut, the three of us) but it will be nice to have him home.

So I have my midwife appointment yesterday and I haven’t gained any weight (no cause for alarm) but my belly is measuring larger then it should be. This means one of two things, I am further along then I think, or there is more then one fetus in there. Possible too much information ahead.

Though I don’t think you can ever be 100% sure on your dates, I have only had one menstrual cycle since giving birth to Damian, which began April 1st and lasted for 10 days and was very heavy at some points. Three days longer then my former normal, but who knows what my norm is anymore, it was my first! I started throwing up when I was “suppose to” and generally speaking my pregnancy symptoms have matched where I think I am (12 weeks.)

My midwife uses a doppler instrument to measure the fetal heartbeat (it looks like an ultrasound wand if you know what that is) but had a hard time keeping track of my passenger. He or she was either incredibly active or I have a heartbeat on either side of my uterus. According to a friend, only Dr Who can have two hearts, I wouldn’t know but I’ll take his word for it!

So on July 16th I have an ultrasound scheduled to see what’s going on in there. I won’t know right away as the tech cannot tell me my “diagnosis” (makes it sound like pregnancy is a disease doesn’t it?) as some other specialist has to look at the results and then contact my midwife and then she will call me. (Convoluted!) But I intend on watching that screen like a hawk, I know what Damian looked like in this, if it looks different think I’ll know. Especially if there are two black voids with little flickering heartbeats in them, that would be kind of hard to hide.

I’ll be completely honest and say I am kind of hoping my dates are off, not because I will not adore twins if that is the case, it just feels kind of overwhelming right now. One has been challenging enough through all the diapers, teething, feedings, bathing etc and I just imagine that times two. Did you know that since before Damian was born I have had reoccurring dreams of having a little boy first and then fraternal twins, one boy and one girl? That might have me a little nervous too.

We’ll see I guess, right?

Do you have any idea how hard it is to pick things up when the adults stick one of these bubble things on you?!

So I wrote this review once already, Wordpress ate it, but I am stubborn so here it is again.

Until now we have used 2 24″ pressure mounted baby gates (the standard inexpensive ones) on either end of our hallway to keep Damian off the basement steps. Not only are they very steep but they are also open with only one railing (which is out of Damian’s reach.) However Damian is tall for his age and a climber so the low gates are no longer a valid safety option.

Cue the Summer Infant – Sure & Secure Extra Tall Walk-Thru Gate, which we purchased for about $60 at K-Mart. It is a 3 foot tall metal pressure gate that comes with mounting hardware. It is important to mount gates at the top of stairs as pressure gates can slide against walls, creating a big safety issue. The Summer Infant gate has a child-locked walk-thru door too so that you don’t have to be an Olympian gymnast to get down the stairs. Since this gate is both a pressure and mounted one is has a very short bar across the bottom that you have to step over, but that hasn’t been an issue for me. Just use a bit of caution.

This gate should fit any opening between 28″ and 47.5″ and has two extension panels which allow for this. However if you door frame falls between a 1/2″ measurement between each extension piece (32.5″ to 33″, 37.5″ to 38″, and 42.5″ to 43″) it won’t fit without a little modification. In other words it will become an enormous pain to install. Our home is old and the basement door frame is slightly crooked. The bottom of the door falls between 32.5″ and 33″ and therefor just barely too small to fit an extension piece. We fixed this by using an narrow inch thick strip of wood along one side of the door frame, we then used 2″ screws (rather then the 1″ screws included with the mounting hardware) to mount that side of the gate (see right photo above.) Still, if your opening falls in those ranges and you do not have a garage full of miscellaneous wood or the handyman skills, do not buy this gate.

As for what I like about the Summer Infant gate. The gate only swings one way, so that you can install it so that it does not swing above the stairs. The child-lock is well designed but still easy for an adult to operate. The gate itself is metal and seems very sturdy and durable. I don’t see myself replacing it or having any parts failing for a long time (knock on wood!) It is also 3 feet tall which is daunting for Damian but not so overwhelming that Aos cannot jump over it. (If you have a disable, older or obese cat I can see where it’s height might have an issue for the stairs.) With a permanent gate at the top of the stairs I no longer have to constantly trip over step over the two shorter gates in the hallway too, and Damian enjoys doing the house loop now as well!

Would I recommend the gate? I added another one to the baby registry for the deck stairs so I obviously like it, but if your child is average height and not a climber, it is probably not necessary. There are cheaper shorter mounted gates out there. However if you have a toddler who is a climber and tall for his or her age, as well as a set of dangerous stairs, then I would go as far to say a tall gate is not only useful, but necessary. I think the Summer Infant – Sure & Secure Extra Tall Walk-Thru Gate fits the bill fantastically well.

I might have a special place in my heart for Willow Bay because it is the first place I met Michael’s parents, almost 5 years ago now (wow, time flies…) A lot has changed since then but I still love that place. Willow Bay Resort is right on the Spokane River near Nine Mile (and about 45 minutes from our home.) My in-laws have a membership there so that they “camp” in one of the trailers on the grounds, but you can also pitch just tent.

On Friday Michael and I took Damian up there for the first time. Not to camp, but just for a nice dinner picnic with his family. We drove through quite a few rain showers on our way, but it was beautiful for the whole evening once we arrived. My father-in-law, Greg, grilled up steak for dinner and my mother-in-law, Kim, made her wonderful potato salad. Damian had lots of fun hanging out with his cousin Emily and running around like the crazy nature loving maniac he is.

I think it is so important for children to spend time as possible outside. Damian and I hang out in the backyard, go on walks and play in the park several times a week (if not every day.) Damian adores the outdoors, it fills him with more life, smiles and laughter then anything on the tube ever could. It also wears him out more and makes for longer naps, which I love (does that sound horrible?) since they give me time to blog!

So what is my favorite part of Willow Bay? I love it all but if I had to pick one thing, it would be all the colorful birdhouses. There are three of four of them on almost every tree along the main path. It looks like children painted most of them, which always makes me smiles. I think Damian will like projects like that when he is older. This is my favorite grouping of birdhouses (probably because of the sign):

Michael has the next few days at work, so you can probably expect another nature loving post soon as we are going to the annual Pagan Campout at Priest Lake this weekend. I am almost finished a garden update too (everything growing so fast!) but I have to wait for the rain to let up to grab some new photos. Oh and as always you can find more photos from our evening at Willow Bay in our photo gallery.

Saturday was my birthday and Mommy and Daddy threw me a big party! I helped Mommy pick out my awesome dinosaur overalls to make sure I looked extra adorable and I managed to get even more snuggles then usual because of my big face booboo. A couple hours before my party Daddy was helping me down the deck stairs, and I decided I was going to try the last one all by myself (I am a year old after all!), but I slip and face-planted right into the walkway. It looks a lot worse then it feels but I still got the extra snuggles!

Almost everyone I know came, Cheyenne, Caswallon, Ileen, Michelle, Mikcos, Nathan, Ben, Laurie, Peter, Andrea, Ariella, Lydia, Grandpa and Grandma Stewart, Ginanne, Jordan and Emily. We had a big barbecue with hotdogs, hamburgers and corn-on-the-cob, Mommy is the grill master!

Afterwards we did my presents! I received spiritual gifts from almost everyone for my altar as well as a whispered blessing (they all made me smile!) I received a cool dragon tealight holder and yellow stone egg from Michelle, Mikcos and Nathan; color runes from Cheyenne (these are wooden disks she painted with colors and put in a red bag, so pretty!); an awesome piece of obsidian from Peter and Andrea; a spider plant in a RED (can you tell I like that color?) pot from Laurie and Ben; a shiny CTR dogtag from Ginanne, Jordan and Emily; and really pretty book from Grandma and Grandpa Stewart, Ariella and Lydia. They also gave me an outfit and super cool wooden building blocks. All of these gifts were in a big shiny RED radio flyer wagon from Grandpa Tolman.

After presents came my cake! Mommy made me an whole-wheat applesauce cake shaped like the moon. It looked awesome and tasted even better! I think Mommy actually thought I was going to stay clean for a minute, but nooo, people need the grubby cake photo, so I was happy to oblige.

My birthday was so fun! I had a wonderful time, I can’t wait till my next year! (And there are lots more photos from my party here.)

Happy Birthday Damian!

We love you so much and are so proud of you! You will always be our little superman.

One more day to go until our little man turns one! I have 48 ears of corn ready for the bbq, lemonade, burgers and hotdogs all ready to go. It is suppose to be cloudy but hopefully the rain will hold off till Sunday as they are predicting.

Birthday preparations aside, I still need to wash diapers today. I need to wash diapers every day. 365 days of diapers. One and five are poopy. Damian eats solids now so his poop is so colorful sometimes I wonder if it could be used for some kind of divination technique. Not to mention the smell after certain food groups, wow that can be mind altering all on its own. Morning sickness and poop do not mesh well. My washer and drier are my basement god and goddess, is that weird?

Oh, were you eating lunch? I’m sorry.

Seriously though, I am still glad we cloth diaper and you really do get use to the poppy diapers. And really if that is the only thing keeping you from cloth diapering, then you are in for a shock, because you will get it on you whether you use disposables or cloth. Since my initially post all those months ago about our choice to go with cloth we have had to buy new ones once, in the next size up. In the 0-15 pound prefold size we purchased 36, but in the 15 to 30 pound size we only bought 18. In retrospect, I wish we would have gotten more, maybe 24, so I didn’t have to do laundry quite so frequently.

This week we ordered 18 bumGenius all-in-one diapers, which are basically a super pimped out version of the cloth diaper. No pins/snappies, no prefolds and covers, these bad boys look and work pretty much like a disposable. Very user-friendly. However at 15 bucks a pop, they are by no means cheap (prefolds are about $1.50 in comparison) making them the most expensive thing my child will ever have the pleasure of pooping in. *knocks on wood and hides her cashmere shawl* We decided on the bumGenius all-in-ones for two reasons, we needed more diapers anyways, especially since we will be going camping for three days during summer solstice and we have a child who thinks diapers are the devil and will fight tooth and nail through a diaper change. bumGeniuses go on and come off very easily, you can even change a diaper with the baby standing, which honestly sounds as close to sweet victory as I am going to get. Besides, you can get orange ones too, how cool is that?

I didn’t just say bad boys when referring to diapers in the last paragraph did I? Oh goddess…

Have we used disposables too? Yes, three times. When he was first born because a newborn’s first bowel movements (called meconium) look and feel like stick tar, when we moved and did not have access to a washer and drier and when him and I have the flu. I could not handle the smell of diarrhea at all, so we used pampers until that cleared up. Disposables definitely still have their place in my world.

Will we be cloth diapering the new baby? Definitely! It is so much easier then I initially thought it would be, even with the current diaper battles. Damian’s old diapers are still in great condition (the ones he is in now are a little worn from walking but should last as well, especially with 18 more on the way.) Having our own washer and drier is an enormous blessing, if we had to share ones (as with many apartments) we probably would not cloth diapers, or we would use a diaper service.

But what about EC you ask? For the new to my blog, EC (elimination communication/infant potty training) is learning your baby’s cues from birth for the bathroom and then taking him to it. We still do EC. I catch about 25% to 50% of his cues on any given day, he always uses the potty in the morning and after naps and will usually hold it until someone helps him onto the potty. He almost never goes in his diaper when we are out or at night anymore. EC was much easier before he started walking but now that he is almost tall enough to get on his little potty by himself, I am hoping he will start to show interest in doing so. We will see. For anyone considering EC for their baby, it takes a lot of dedication, but I still feel it has been worth it.

Speaking of Damian, he hear him waking from his nap, so to the potty we go! And then to vacuum, and finish the dishes and scrub the deck, and walk the plank… Have a great day!

(Can you believe Damian was two months old here? Look at those squishy cheeks, that is enough to melt this mommy’s heart.)

Our choice to bed-share with Damian is probably the parenting practice I talk the least about. I have always felt that more families in this country bed-share then statics illustrate (even if they didn’t set out to do so,) especially when the mother breastfeeds, but that the societal taboo regarding it keeps them all but silent too.

Bed-sharing (also called the family bed or co-sleeping) is a practice in which children sleep with one or both parents, as opposed to being in a crib. According to wikipedia, it has been widely practiced historically and is still standard practice in many parts of the world, and is practiced by a significant minority in countries where infant beds are also used.

Why did we chose to bed-share? The reason at the very top of that list would be breastfeeding. Damian falls asleep at the breast and is difficult to move, when I lay down to feed him, I often fall asleep too. Seems like a match made in heaven doesn’t it? It became so natural to breastfeed at night that Damian quit waking up to find a breast, which was really nice (not having to sooth a baby back to sleep.)

The number one question I am asked regarding bed-sharing is if I have ever worried about crushing/suffocating/otherwise maiming Damian in my sleep. The first night we brought him home I did, but I haven’t since. Honestly, there has never been a time when something even scared me about Damian laying between Michael and I. Normally Damian and I sleep on our sides, facing each other. His head rests on my elbow so that my arm very naturally wraps around cradles him in his sleep. When I roll over (if he needs to switch sides to eat) I hold him lightly to my chest and the transition is easy, not even waking him up. If his breathing changes at night or he fusses even a tiny amount for any reason I instantly wake up. I don’t think any of those indicates I am a light sleeper or hypersensitive, they are just instincts I naturally have as a mother. I don’t worry about Michael either, he has the his own protective Daddy instincts.

It is important that bed-sharing bed done properly though. I say properly because people often tell me bed-sharing horror stories when they find out we do about the death of a child because of bed-sharing. Not surprisingly these stories seem to always involve a parenting on drugs or who is drunk or one who has health problem (sleep apnea for example.) Getting drunk or high and passing out on your baby is not bed-sharing, it is child abuse.

I am also asked if I worry about him being co-dependent. While my proof is anecdotal, Damian is a very independent one-year-old, so I really have no worries. There is some research that has been done that seems to show there are actually quite a few benefits to bed-sharing. Since I am not here to talk to into doing it, I’ll just link anyone interested to an article about bed-sharing and the research that has been done.

People also ask me if Michael and my intimacy took a hit since we bed-share. (Dad, skip this paragraph unless you want to be mentally scarred again.) Yes, it took some adjustment. Yes, we have sex less. But people, you can have sex in other places then a bed and just because you bed-share does not mean a baby cannot be laid down elsewhere for a short nap. So yes, sex takes more planning, but I am pregnant again so obviously something happened. I hear couples who use cribs talk about a decline in sexual activity too, so I don’t think it is really as big an issue as it seems. Where there is a will, there is a way, right?

How long will we bed-share? Michael and I actually bought Damian a toddler bed four days ago. We knew that we did not want to move him to a crib, so Michael and I decided to waited until Damian was completely competent at getting in and out of our bed (which he has been for about a month.) We didn’t want to rush him into his own room, so his new bed is currently between the wall and my side of the bed (see thumbnail, his Grandma Stewart made that quilt by the way!) Damian has been taking his nap in it and I lay him down after his night feeding for bed time. He doesn’t stay in it all night yet, and I am not forcing him to, but every night he stays in it a little bit longer. (I am a big fan of gradual transitions.) If I was not pregnant, I would probably let him bed-share longer, but I want him to be well adjusted to sleeping on his own well before the new baby arrives so that the does not feel that he is being evicted and replaced.

I want to re-emphasize, bed-sharing is definitely not for everyone. Just like our other parenting decisions, the key to making bed-sharing work is that Michael and I decided on it together while looking at the needs of our child. Both of us like bed-sharing and neither of us get high, drunk or have medical conditions that impact our sleeping habits. Ultimately we made a choice that we felt was the healthiest for Damian and in the end that is all that matters to us.

I had my first appointment with my midwife Linda (who helped birth Damian) and heard the baby’s heartbeat, that means it is official, I am pregnant!

I know that most of you probably already suspected or knew that. For those who visit my site, Michael enabled the counter and registry in the right hand tool bar when the home test came up positive. I didn’t want to announce till after the first appointment though, and not on Damian’s birthday. That is his big day, this Saturday!

So the details… I am about 8 weeks along, my due date is January 6th. How much do you want to bet I will go into labor on my birthday (January 9th?) Michael is hoping for December 31st though, that way we get the tax stuff that comes with a baby for 2009, hehe. In the end, we just want another healthy baby (and preferably just one, too many dreams of twins flying around for my liking.) Our little family is growing!

Damian is going to be a big brother!