(The family resemblance is striking to me. That is a photo of Damian from around the same age.)

February did not have a 29th, so I guess March 1st would be three months since November 29th, when Ivy came roaring into this world. From 8lbs and 21″ to 12lbs and 24 1/2″ at her most recent appointment. And at three months old I just pulled out the 6month to 1year clothing box for her, if that says anything for her growth rate. Growing just as fast as Damian did, maybe even a little more so. Eager to catch up maybe?

Ivy loves the faces Damian makes at her best. Speaking of Damian, I swear sometimes he knows what she needs before I do, he’s becoming such a wonderful big brother, bringing me diapers, come to me just as she wakes and informing me “Ivy up!”. Developmentally Ivy has been giggling and gurgling away for awhile but she has really just started to truly laugh, with the big toothless grin. So adorable. She can almost completely roll over on her own now and is also becoming interested in things beyond human touch (plush toys, bobbles hanging from her swing, etc.) She is still teething but it comes and goes in waves.

So happy quarter year birthday Ivybear. Already three months old, time flies!

Ivy is growing so fast, I can’t believe it has already been a month!

… staying up into the wee hours of the night humming Three Little Birds to your three week old with an upset tummy.

-

Don’t worry about a thing,
‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin’: “Don’t worry about a thing,
‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right!”

Rise up this mornin’,
Smiled with the risin’ sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin’ sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin’, (”This is my message to you-ou-ou:”)

Don’t worry about a thing…

-

I don’t know about you but I think it is a pretty good lullaby for this longest night of the year. As tired as I am, this still feels like a precious time for Ivy and I. Our first Solstice eve together.

Since early in my pregnancy with Ivy I had had a feeling she was going to be born on, my Grandpa Mason’s birthday, which is November 27th. As it turned out she was born on the 29th but I did go into labor on the evening of the 27th.

So many people have misconceptions of what labor is like. Most tv shows would have you believe that after weeks of bed rest from some unknown malady, a pregnant woman suddenly doubles over screaming in agony as her water explodes everywhere and then ten minutes later she pushes out a screaming perfectly clean baby. The mother never delivers the placenta on tv (in fact it is never even mentioned) and the mother’s body then magically reverts to it’s prepregnancy shape upon delivery of the child (haha.)

I say this because I want you to understand that when I say I went into labor on the 27th, I do not mean I was in active angry labor for a day and a half. What I mean is I had bloody show and sporadic light contractions that started on the evening of the 27th.

So what did I do now that it had begun? I took a bath and went to bed, and proceeded to slept through the night. (Not exactly Hollywood material is it?)

The next morning I woke up to the same light contractions of the evening before, but they were a bit more consistent, probably 10 or 15 minutes apart and lasting 30 seconds. I guess this is what a lot of medical professionals would call “failure to progress” and would have been wanting to induce me at this point but it wasn’t bothering me and Ivy was still moving about. I felt she was just doing things on her own time. I messaged my two friends (Andrea and Shannon) who were to be present for the birth not to leave town that day though.

I do not like focusing on early labor as it makes the whole experience seem to last forever so I started cleaning the house. You could call it nesting, but really my mother raised me never to have people over in a messy house, and since Ivy was to be a homebirth, people would be coming over. I also baked a batch of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies and made a Winter vegetable stew, that is more like nesting for me, yummy food! I even did the dishes…

Even though I was constantly distracting myself, the day still really dragged. When evening finally rolled around I was getting a bit annoying by it all. I called my midwife (Beth attended this labor) and friends to let them know to expect a middle of the night call and get some sleep while they could, and then we ate dinner. Around eight Michael and I put Damian to bed and finished watching an episode of TNG before getting ready for bed ourselves. Of course once I was ready to crawl under the sheets, I moved into active labor. Even though I was a bit tired I was really quite relieved, finally some change! However the strength of the contractions also made me want to plant myself down where I stood and not move, which happened to be on my knees leaning over my exercise ball in the doorway of Damian’s playroom.

Michael called Beth and Andrea. As Andrea lives just 5 minutes from us so she was the first to arrive, she texted Shannon at some point as well. Before Shannon arrived Damian decided that it was a good time to wake up so Andrea took over for Michael (who was rubbing my back) while he went to comfort him. Little did we know that all the activity of Shannon and Beth arriving a few minutes later would keep Damian up all night! He was very well behaved as long as Michael was holding him though. Andrea and Shannon were like my doulas during labor, they were amazing. Michael and Damian sat near me, always within arms reach, which was very comforting.

Eventually Andrea and Shannon convinced me I would be more comfortable on the couch then between a rocking horse and wooden blocks, so I managed to move into the living room and lay down. They were right, way more comfortable! Granted they were making me feel like royalty with how much they were pampering me which certainly helped me relax.

Don’t get me wrong, contractions still really really suck, and I was having back labor which is particularly horrid but I was still really happy. I was also really funny, at least in my own mind I was. When I was in labor with Damian, even when I was in transition, everything was amusing to me and I kept trying to tell jokes but my contractions got in the way. It was the same this time too though I don’t remember what I said other than at some point I was trying to tell Andrea why I was laughing and it was because Henry Winkler was covered in bees (Little Nicky reference.)

After Beth arrived and was all set up (she really does bring everything, even an oxygen tank, just in case…) she checked my dilation. I remember groaning “I bet I’m at 4cm and will be forever!” And guess what? I was right! Okay, maybe it wasn’t forever, but after a couple more hours it felt like it. When I delivered Damian I tore a little and had some scar tissue left from that, so my cervix had to get past that hurtle before dilating past 4cm. My cervix got hung up again at 6cm, just like it did with Damian. My water still hadn’t broken but was bugling, just like it did with Damian. If my body had it’s own way, I have a feeling it would give birth to the baby still in the amniotic sac. Neither Linda or Beth have ever seen a sac as thick as mine, the Fort Knox of sacs… With Damian, Linda had to break my water with a special hook designed for that purpose, though it looks eerily like a crochet hook. I delivered him 1 minute to the hour after my water was broken. With this both Beth also gave me the option of breaking my water but I decided to wait awhile longer and see if it would on it’s own. I also switched position back to the floor leaning over my exercise ball and stayed there until I delivered Ivy.

At 1:30 in the morning on November 29th I asked Beth to break my water. Within minutes of her doing that I had the urge to push, much to Beth’s surprise. I was a bit surprised too as I had yet to go through transition. I went directly from active labor to the urge to push. I was not about to complain about it though! Then one of the most amusing things that can happen during labor happened, at least in my opinion, Beth asked me not to push for a few contractions (my cervix was not done dilating so it was swelling due to my pushes, which is a little counterproductive obviously.) This is probably only amusing to women who have been in labor and who know that the urge to push is quite possibly the most overwhelming feeling in existence. Asking me not to push is like asking the Earth to stop spinning.

However the Earth did stop spinning according to everyone present, or at least they said that I did manage to not push for a few contractions. I honestly don’t remember (probably because I was thinking of various people covered in bees) but I do remember Beth telling me I could push again which I was probably more then happy to do. I few pushes after that Ivy was crowning and then her head was out and Beth told me to stop pushing, again! Not so funny this time since the reason not to push was due to my baby’s cord being wrapped around her neck. Again I managed not to push for most of a contraction, long enough to loosen to cord. Unlike with Damian, I felt Ivy’s whole body coming out, not just her head, this is because Ivy’s head circumference at birth was 13.5″ and her chest was 14″. Normally the head is the largest part of a newborn but not my daughter. She needs that extra chest room for her amazing lungs, which she was happy to let us hear as soon as she was out, much to my own relief. (A cord around the neck is not as scary as it sounds but in that moment it was the most terrifying moment in my life.)

Ivy was born almost exactly an hour after my water was broken at 2:30, just like with Damian’s birth. Since I gave birth to her on my hands and knees it was a little funny getting me sat down and Ivy up onto my chest but but in no time she was wrapped in my arms and snuggled against me. Other then Beth drawing some cord blood (it is important for me to know if Ivy has a positive or negative blood type since I am RH-) I held my baby girl until her cord stopped pulsing and was cut (by my very excited friend Shannon), I delivered the placenta and then breastfed my baby girl for the first time.

After that everything was little bit of a blur. There came the usual weighting (8lbs,) measuring (21″,) and Ivy received her vitamin K shot. Michael put on her first diaper, clothes and swaddled her and then everyone got to hold her for a little while (I love watching my husband hold our children) while Beth checked me out and I got to cleaned myself up (yay! Labor comes with an unbelievable amount of bodily fluids…) A couple hours later after Beth had finished all her postbirth cleanup and paperwork, she was gone and it was just Michael, Damian, Ivy, Andrea, Shannon and myself left. It was only then that I realized Andrea had brought a huge fruit tray and hummus and chips, yum! We talked for a time, though I don’t remember about what, mostly because I was dozing off, which was quickly noticed by all. I didn’t want Andrea and Shannon to leave, they were so wonderful during the birth, but they did. We couldn’t be blessed with better friends. And then it was just Michael, Damian, myself and our newest little baby girl.

We all ended up in bed together (I was pointless to try and get Damian to sleep in his toddler bed at that point) and falling asleep. Michael and Damian were out like lights and Ivy was already asleep in the crook of my arm. The last thing I remember before sleep overtook me was seeing my family glowing in the light of the moon streaming in our bedroom window as if we were being blessed by the Moon Goddess herself. Perfect is the only word that comes to mind to describe that scene, it made ever moment in labor worth it.

Ivy Eleanor Stewart was born on November 29th, 2009 at 2:30am. She weighed 8lbs, and is 21 inches long. Welcome to the world precious baby girl!

In these last few days before the arrival of our second child arrives, I have been looking at the early photos of Damian and rereading his birth story. He has grown so much in these past 17 months, I’m in awe. This is one of my favorite, he is just a couple days old here, he is definitely still Daddy’s little man.

Damian is standing beside me at the moment making lion noises (rwar, rwar, RWAR!) while holding his stuffed lion, which was assisting me in the tickle attack on Damian a few minutes ago. He has been such a big help lately, his developmental milestones being closer to that of a two-year-old. He helps me unload the dishwasher, put his clothes and diapers away, sweep (okay, he TRIES to sweep, good enough for me.) Damian’s greatest help as of late though is that he seems to understand that I am tired a lot and he will just crawl in my lap and relax and nap with me. I haven’t a doubt that he will be a fantastic brother but I do anticipate a bit of confusion in the beginning, as he is so use to my undivided attention.

All the birth supplies that I can prepare are ready and in a storage bin in our bedroom, all the newborn supplies are in their proper place too, clothes in the dresser, cloth diapers rewashed and stacked in the changing table, breastfeeding supplies in a bag (Lansinoh is my breast friend.) As much as the baby companies would like you to think otherwise, newborns really don’t need much. Well, that isn’t exactly true, they need a ton, they need your attention, your joy, your deepest love… and a heck of a lot of diaper changes.

I feel as ready for this birth as I can be and I know Michael is too. People tend to downplay the role of their partners during labor but I know I could not have gotten through Damian’s natural birth without Michael’s support (and the constant pressure of his hands on my lower back.) I truly believe he worked just as hard as I did and he will again for this baby’s birth. However, as ready for her arrival as I am, I know she will not come one moment sooner then her own schedule dictates. I just wish I could peek into her day planner!

Though Damian is 16 months old now, I think that my anticipation of Ivy’s birth coupled with this week long flu (which has been keeping me somewhere between the couch and sleeping) has mixed a large dose of nostalgia into my psyche and given me the time to make another collage. My laptop really hates me when I do these by the way, something about using massive photo files and it’s memory (I made the original so that it could be printed in 8×10 for framing.)

Anyhow, I bring you Damian’s first year!
My Mommy heart overfloweth with love.

So I wrote this review once already, Wordpress ate it, but I am stubborn so here it is again.

Until now we have used 2 24″ pressure mounted baby gates (the standard inexpensive ones) on either end of our hallway to keep Damian off the basement steps. Not only are they very steep but they are also open with only one railing (which is out of Damian’s reach.) However Damian is tall for his age and a climber so the low gates are no longer a valid safety option.

Cue the Summer Infant – Sure & Secure Extra Tall Walk-Thru Gate, which we purchased for about $60 at K-Mart. It is a 3 foot tall metal pressure gate that comes with mounting hardware. It is important to mount gates at the top of stairs as pressure gates can slide against walls, creating a big safety issue. The Summer Infant gate has a child-locked walk-thru door too so that you don’t have to be an Olympian gymnast to get down the stairs. Since this gate is both a pressure and mounted one is has a very short bar across the bottom that you have to step over, but that hasn’t been an issue for me. Just use a bit of caution.

This gate should fit any opening between 28″ and 47.5″ and has two extension panels which allow for this. However if you door frame falls between a 1/2″ measurement between each extension piece (32.5″ to 33″, 37.5″ to 38″, and 42.5″ to 43″) it won’t fit without a little modification. In other words it will become an enormous pain to install. Our home is old and the basement door frame is slightly crooked. The bottom of the door falls between 32.5″ and 33″ and therefor just barely too small to fit an extension piece. We fixed this by using an narrow inch thick strip of wood along one side of the door frame, we then used 2″ screws (rather then the 1″ screws included with the mounting hardware) to mount that side of the gate (see right photo above.) Still, if your opening falls in those ranges and you do not have a garage full of miscellaneous wood or the handyman skills, do not buy this gate.

As for what I like about the Summer Infant gate. The gate only swings one way, so that you can install it so that it does not swing above the stairs. The child-lock is well designed but still easy for an adult to operate. The gate itself is metal and seems very sturdy and durable. I don’t see myself replacing it or having any parts failing for a long time (knock on wood!) It is also 3 feet tall which is daunting for Damian but not so overwhelming that Aos cannot jump over it. (If you have a disable, older or obese cat I can see where it’s height might have an issue for the stairs.) With a permanent gate at the top of the stairs I no longer have to constantly trip over step over the two shorter gates in the hallway too, and Damian enjoys doing the house loop now as well!

Would I recommend the gate? I added another one to the baby registry for the deck stairs so I obviously like it, but if your child is average height and not a climber, it is probably not necessary. There are cheaper shorter mounted gates out there. However if you have a toddler who is a climber and tall for his or her age, as well as a set of dangerous stairs, then I would go as far to say a tall gate is not only useful, but necessary. I think the Summer Infant – Sure & Secure Extra Tall Walk-Thru Gate fits the bill fantastically well.

I had my first appointment with my midwife Linda (who helped birth Damian) and heard the baby’s heartbeat, that means it is official, I am pregnant!

I know that most of you probably already suspected or knew that. For those who visit my site, Michael enabled the counter and registry in the right hand tool bar when the home test came up positive. I didn’t want to announce till after the first appointment though, and not on Damian’s birthday. That is his big day, this Saturday!

So the details… I am about 8 weeks along, my due date is January 6th. How much do you want to bet I will go into labor on my birthday (January 9th?) Michael is hoping for December 31st though, that way we get the tax stuff that comes with a baby for 2009, hehe. In the end, we just want another healthy baby (and preferably just one, too many dreams of twins flying around for my liking.) Our little family is growing!

Damian is going to be a big brother!

Possibly one of the greatest inventions ever, gotta keep ‘em under control donchaknow!

Kidding aside, this is a pretty cool item, definitely worth $70. Damian really wants to help mommy pack, but he just does not understand that pulling everything out of the boxes and crawling away with things is a little counterproductive to the moving effort. (We will be moving to a house in March!)

So enter the Superyard Xt Gate. I am normally not easily impressed with baby items (I feel they are overpriced and for the most part totally unnecessary) but I love this thing. It collapses and has a carrying strap so you can take it with you (to the beach, to a friends house, out in your yard etc.) It sizes down easily to 4 panels, and apparently you can buy a 2 panel extension kit for it. Damian can stand up inside and not tip it over. I can easily step over it which is a great plus (granted I have long legs.)

It is really wonderful indoors now to keep him away from the boxes while we pack… and away from the baseboard heater covers which he has learned to pull off. I think this will be fantastic in the yard. I can have him near, but don’t have to worry about him wrecking havoc while I garden or worry about him crawling off (or under) the deck. He is not in it all the time as I think exploration is important too but when I want him near but need to work on another project this is definitely an enormous help.

Giving Mommy a heart attack everyday with how fast I learn stuff. Hehe!

Forgive the mother who is in shock over how much her baby has grown. I went through and picked out my favorite photo from each month since Damian was born. It is overwhelming how much he has changed… (Nana can you email me your mailing address, I want to send you a photo cd with all Damian’s photos.)

I’ll put most of these behind a cut because it is photo intensive so I feel sorry for anyone who watches me over on livejournal.

June 7th
1 day old! He was 8lbs 8oz and 21-inches long when he was born. Sooo little! (Okay, didn’t feel that small coming out, but now it seems so itty bitty.)

July 19th
Andrea took this one of our little family in Manito Park. We had a picnic with friends that day too.

August 17th
Andrea did another photoshoot with us and Michael’s family, it was 104F outside that day. This is Michael’s dad holding Damian, so cute! My father also came to visit us earlier in August, we have a photo of them together here.

September 21st
Lots of cute pictures from this month, like ones from the harvest festival, but I really love this one. Just having some Daddy time.

October 20th and 31st
Sorry, I couldn’t choose for October! My mom and grandma sent Damian the Pooh costume and I made him the Green Man one.

November 28th
This one almost won because it shows him crawling but I can’t help but love the snow day one best. We had so much fun on our walk.

December 6th
(Today, six months old!)
I had some photos in my last post from today but this one makes me smile too. If there are any football (soccer) fans out there, doesn’t it look like he is screaming GOOOOOOOOOOAL! (For the non-sports-inclined, he saw a squirrel.)

So that wraps up the past six months, they have flown by so fast. I will try not to post about Damian again today. I think I am just traumatized by how fast time is going and worried I will blink and he won’t need me anymore…

I can’t believe my baby is 6 months old today. He is learning and growing so fast. According to my baby books Damian should:

- know how to roll over, sit up and should be getting ready to crawl.
- respond to his name.
- know how to pick up a toy with one hand and switch it over to the other hand.
- notice different people
- use his voice (gurgling, babbling, squealing)

Check on all those! Except… Damian has been doing most of them since Samhain. Like crawling, it started off an a lurch and scuffle, but very quickly became full fledged speed crawling. I cannot believe how fast he can get over to stuff he shouldn’t have. He is also pulling himself up on stuff, like the futon, boxes and my leg. Today it seems like he is trying to stand on his own, which apparently is an 8 or 9-month-old skill. He has three teeth right now too, woot!

I am not in a rush to introduce solids, I know that breastmilk still has all of what Damian needs. I have been waiting for Damian to express an active interest in food, which he has started doing recently. I was thinking about starting him some rice cereal this week, but I am thinking about doing baby led weaning. Does anyone have any experience with this method?

Anyhow, so he is 6 months old today, half a year! Oh my gosh, time really does fly doesn’t it? I’m loving it though.

(Sitting in Mommy’s lap this morning.)

One lamp – thy mother’s love – amid the stars
Shall lift its pure flame changeless, and before
The throne of God, burn through eternity -
Holy – as it was lit and lent thee here.

~ Nathaniel Parker Willis

Damian turned four months old today. He had a check up with Dr Kincaid this afternoon and he is healthy and perfect in every way (and teething!) This evening her crawled all the way across the bed. I’m so insanely proud. I cannot believe how fast time has gone by, four months already!

And yet… I can hardly imagine life without my Bumblebee. When I try to imagine it, my existence feels so incomplete without him. When I look at Damian (growing so fast!) soundly sleeping against my legs as I type this, I know that I would do anything for him. I know that I would give my life to protect him, I would have given my life even before he was born to protect him. I wonder if all mothers feel this way?

Some might say (and have said,) it has only been four months, how can I be so certain of the depth and berth of my love for my son? In response I can only say, how could I ever be uncertain? My love for Damian echoes in every cell, in every molecule of my being. No matter how much he can frustrate me, I always love him. I loved him before I met him.

Recently, in one of my online communities, a mother lost her three month old daughter to SIDS. I cannot even begin to fathom that kind of pain. Quite literally, my mind will not even allow my thoughts to wander in that direction, there is a white hot wall of agony barring my mind from dwelling on that horrific thought for more then a second. My heart has never ached so much at any other thought. The mother of that baby left the community, questioning if she should even be in the group anymore, as she was no longer a mother.

I wanted to cry out and wrap my arms around her, holding her as much to sooth her pain as my own. I want to cry “You will ALWAYS be a mother!” Even if she must wait till the end of her days on this Earth to hold her child again. I truly and deeply believe her baby will be waiting for her in the life after, unchanged in the face of time and in the care of angels.

Motherhood is a transformation of self that can never be reversed. Damian is a part of me. I will never again be the same person as I was before he was conceived. To be a mother is to acknowledge a love so infinite that even God stands in awe of its power. It is to be Goddess. Such a bond cannot be broken, especially not by mortal death, for as long as we draw breath, the memories of our children live on in this world. And when we draw breath no more, we will find ourselves in the Sommerlands with them running into our arms.

I wonder if all mothers feel this way?

(Photo taken by Andrea and fiddled with by me.)

Ya, I know, you haven’t seen human-free Feline Fridays in awhile but this one was just too cute for me to pass up.

I am not sure if Windigo likes Damian so much because he is soft and moves just enough to be nice to rub against or if he actually likes Damian just because! Damian loves it though. I will have to get a video sometime.

Cleaning him or tastes like chicken?

I wanted to share this ritual that I wrote because baby blessings for Pagans are very hard to find online (or in reference books for that matter.)

Date: August 16th, 2008
Moon: Full in Aquarius
Ritual Type: Family

We call upon the Elemental Spirits of Air, Fire, Water and Earth, to welcome our child on this eve. From breeze to storm, from spark to flame, from stream to ocean, from field to mountain, you bring power to our circle.

We call upon our Beloved Ancestors, blood of our blood, to welcome our child on this eve. A sacred cord connects us back to before time was time, we are honored by your presence.

We call upon the Eternal Spirit of Woman, the Great Mother, and ask that you bless our child on this eve. Sacred nurturer, may your power flows through us in this rite.

We call upon the Eternal Spirit of Man, the Great Father, and ask that you bless our child on this eve. Sacred protector, may your power flows through us in this rite.

Eternal Spirits, we bring before you this being of light, our son, for whom we have chosen the name of Damian Michael Stewart. We give thee thanks for sending Damian into our lives, he is our greatest joy and has grown our hearts a hundredfold. May we always be aware of his origins in your world, as ours are, so that we may reflect back to him the knowledge of the Great Mystery.

Damian, we light this candle [the rose one on the right side of the altar] as a reflection of the light that shines within you. Though its flame may be extinguished, know that your spirit within our lives never will. May your life be a divine work of art upon which all the blessings of the Universe are bestowed. Damian, you are our beloved. We swear to live our life to the highest virtues we know because it is upon this foundation that you will grow and flourish.

Eternal Spirits, we ask that you send Damian a guardian spirit to guide and protect him as he grows his light, until such a time when he can call upon his own guides. May this guardian guide him on the path that is most true for his soul and may the power of the elements ease his travels.

Spirits of Air we ask that you guide Damian as he soars through the skies of imagination.
Spirits of Fire we ask that you guide Damian as he faces all the challenges that await him.
Spirits of Water we ask that you guide Damian as he swims in the ocean of intuition.
Spirits of Earth we ask that you guide Damian as he climbs the tree of knowledge.

So mote it be.

Elemental Spirits, you are the breath, the inspiration, the soul and the body of our world. We thank you for your presence on this eve.

Beloved Ancestors, blood of our blood, your wisdom shines upon us. We thank you for your presence on this eve.

Eternal Spirits of Man and Woman, sacred beings of love and balance, we thank you for your blessings and your power on this eve.

Our circle is open but never broken.

So mote it be.

Baby Blessing by Jaspenelle Stewart is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License.

~~~

Oh! And there is a new Simon’s Cat video on YouTube:

This weekend my Grandpa Tolman came to visit. Mommy has lots of photos to sort but this is a little video grandpa took of me in Riverfront Park. Mommy and Daddy are talking about ways to keep the girls away from my adorableness as I grow up.

This is World Breastfeeding Week so this Saturday we might go back to the park to support La Leche League International at Kids Day. I want to lay in the grass again, it felt sooo neat!

This past Saturday, our photographer friend Andrea did some family photos of us in Manito Park. It was really fun. I really love how the photos turned out, Andrea did an excellent job.

We are hoping to get her to take a set every few months for the first year. We are going to be getting prints of a few of our favorites from this shoot. I can’t wait to see them! (and frame and scrapbook them. I have been working on Damian’s “First Year” scrapbook lately.)

This one of us is one of my favorite of the three of us (we are getting a couple extra prints of it for family too.)

These are a few of the others from that day:

The maintenance people for our townhouse complex killed my rosemary. They were out spraying the other day and apparently the don’t know the difference between weeds in ground and a potted plant on my steps. Two days later the weeds and my rosemary are completely dead.

Arg! I’m pissed! That was my most used herb.

Anyhow, Tracy Holeton… I received a package from her with an adorable baby outfit in it but there was no note with it. The return address baby outfit from her, no note or anything. The return address is to a Tracy Holeton of Unico Inc. in Franksville, WI? I don’t know any Tracys.

Anyone know who my mystery woman is?

Several people have asked me how the cats are dealing with the baby. They have adapted well.

Windigo was our main worry but after the initial sulking he has warmed up to Damian and even tries to cuddle occasionally. (Though he might be trying to cuddle with me as he only does it when I am holding the baby.)

As for Aos, as long as he has food, water and a clean litter box he really doesn’t care about much, or rather, pretends he doesn’t care…

(Both photos were taken on June 8th.)

(click for bigger photo.)

4 weeks old tomorrow! Time is going by unbelievably fast! He almost doesn’t fit in his newborn clothes anymore.

Michael went back to work today so I have been flying solo with Damian since 8:30 this morning. So far we ate breakfast (both of us), napped for 2 hours, changed a cloth diaper, breastfed, changed another diaper (almost resorting to a disposable due to flailing baby), gave some comfort boob, and then he fell asleep on my chest. If I had a third arm I would take a photo in the funny balancing pose I have the laptop in so I can type this both hands…

I am going to have to extract myself from this pose shortly to make myself some more food. It hasn’t been too difficult so far but afternoon is approaching, his most active time. Maybe I will take him for a little walk in one of the wraps.

A few days ago, Michael, Damian and I drove out to Mother’s Haven where we got a breastfeeding pillow (made by Luna Lullaby, it is amazing) as well as a Maya Wrap. I love Mother’s Haven, I don’t think I will be buying any mother/baby stuff anywhere else if I can find it there. The owner is an amazing woman and the quality of her products are outstanding.

We got the Maya Wrap for Michael because it is very easy to put on and get use to. Damian loves it, we went for a walk around the Farmer’s Market with him after we bought it.

I have a Moby Wrap which is a bit tricker but better to secure Damian while I do housework. We are both getting use to it and how tight or loose it has to be. Still haven’t tried breastfeeding in either one.

Michael and I have been handfasted for one year today. We decided this morning that Damian is the best gift ever.

And the best gift ever needs a diaper change now.

Okay, new mom question here…

I am organizing the nursery today and I noticed I don’t have crib sheets or bumpers. Then I started to wonder, how exactly do you layer all that stuff in the crib anyways? My baby books tell me everything that shouldn’t go in cribs but not what should. How odd is that?

So I looked it up online and now I am just utterly confused.

The crib mattress I have is waterproof, so do I need to get waterproof pads or do I just use sheets then? Do I need to get crib bumpers and why?

Help!

Even when I am sick I find myself analyzing my body, more to tell my midwife about I suppose, maybe I am just a pawn in my curiosities greater subconscious plot, either way I have noticed something. Whether you have a doctor or midwife, they always ask what color my phlegm is, apparently this gives incredible incite into what ails you.

Did you know that phlegm is part of an ancient theory known as “humourism” which is credited to Hippocrates. It influenced medical thinking for more than 2,000 years, until finally discredited in the 1800s. It stated that the human body was filled with four basic substances (black bile, bile, phlegm, and blood) called the four humours, which are held in balance when a person is healthy. All diseases and disabilities result from an excess or deficit one of the humours.

So I have an excess of phlegm which is a particularly nasty shade of green. Nice to know this mostly likely means I have a healthy thriving infection! Last time it was this color I had bacterial bronchitis. “Healthy” phlegm is normally clear or white by the way. (However, the initial state of the common flu when the phlegm is still clear can also be the most infectious period, which means this is the time to cough on all those people you don’t like…)

Between my prescribed staying home, hot baths, ginger and Echinacea teas, rest, vitamin C rich foods, lots and lots and lots of water and absolutely no refined sugar I seem to be improving much faster then others I’ve infected. Not so green phlegm is showing up today and my ability to breath is slowly returning (which is always a perk.) The baby is as active as ever, which is a good sign of course.

I am feeling miles better then Sunday, I think yesterday was the hump day in this sickness.. I feel like I actually have some energy today, so as long as I do not overwork myself, it’s all good.

Baby shower is on Saturday and I am set on being well by then.

~~~

Off topic and a little bit of an older story but I think stories like this are tragic. I do not understand how that second model could possibly seen as more beautiful by the judges! She looks likes a skeleton.

Yesterday Michael and I went and set up our gift registry at Walmart for the baby shower, which will be on April 5th. I am really starting to look forward to it and having all my friends there celebrating the coming of our baby. The registry was really fun to create too, once you register they give you a little scanning gun (it reminds me of a phaser) and you can go around the store and scan the barcode of everything you want. Then it plugs in to the registry terminal and uploads everything to your registry. People can pull the registry up online or go to any store and find it (just look up Jaspenelle Stewart.) Michael and I really got into looking at all the cute baby stuff but we tried not to get to scan happy… hehe.

Walmart was fun but rather draining in a unique way (anyone use to small stores probably knows what I mean) so to recharge a bit Michael and I went for a walk by the Spokane River and he took this picture of me. I know I am right where I am suppose to be weight wise right now but some days I feel huge and cumbersome… but most of the time I am quite comfortable with how I am. I love how I look in this picture and I feel so blessed to be at this wonderful point in my life.

The baby kicked as I was going up the stairs today and it was enough to make me loss my balance and fall over. I am 100% fine but…

My dignity aches!

The baby is sooo active, it is so cool! He is getting big enough that my whole stomach moves when he kicks or repositions. It kind of reminds me of Alien! (I realize that is not the most attractive definition but it is pretty true…) He is developing some rather defined awake/sleep cycles, I could set a timer by a lot of them. The most notable of them happens to be around 21:00, when I am trying to go to sleep. If I rub my tummy or hum sometimes he calms, sometimes he gets more active though, but he responds to where I touch in those cases.

Otherwise all is well except for a pet peeve I have developed (I think it is a pet peeve.) I have noticed that when I tell people that it is a boy people say, “I’m sure Michael is pleased!” What? He wouldn’t be pleased or as happy if it were a girl? I know Michael is not a typical “guy” but really are general male expectations that strongly bias as to create that stereotype? I wish people would quit saying that. We are happy it is a healthy baby, period. But like I said this is just a pregnancy pet peeve. (Also, no, Michael and I will not be decorating our little boy’s room with a sports theme, we are doing a neutral celestial one.)

Oh! And the baby really likes when I stand with direct sunlight on my belly, I wonder if he is aware of the light in a visual way or if it is more about the warmth?

Graywolf drew this beautiful picture and dedicated it to me and two more of her pregnant friends, Mearu and Lisa. It is called “Beidh mé leat”, which means “I’ll be with you”. Graywolf says we are amazing and I have to say, I think she is amazing too. She has been through a lot in her life and she is one of the most empowered people I know. Her art is incredible (she made the corset for my handfasting last summer!) and is only rivaled by her compassion for others. Thank you Graywolf for dedicating this piece in part to me, it really made my day.

I am feeling the baby move so much lately, every 3 hours or so I feel flutters. Michael even felt one recently and you should have seen the look on his face, it was so priceless. If I had to pick a moment to realize just how amazing of a father he is going to be, I think it was that one. This baby is such a precious gift and we both want to give it all the love in the world. Sometimes it is hard to believe that my little body is capable of growing a new life, one that Michael and I created together.

I think it is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. I feel so very blessed.

We rent a two bedroom townhouse here in Spokane, it is our little home, but could it ever be a homestead? Maybe not, but I am rather determined to get it as close to that as possible.

From Wikipedia: “Currently the term homesteading applies to anyone who is a part of the back-to-the-land movement and who chooses to live a sustainable, self-sufficient lifestyle.

I know I could only dream of growing enough food to feed my family on my little 17×8 shaded patio (the soil part of it is only 6×7 feet and it is mainly hard clay.) But I also know there there are things I can do that will move me as close to the homesteading dream as possible. I know we will not live here forever. Currently my goal is to own 5 acres 10 years from now, but between now and then, I want to live my life in a way that keeps me as close to the Earth as possible. And cheaply! I truly believe that we can live a green live without using tons of green!

I have a lot of doubt of course, I have a lot of personal negativity that has to be dealt with while I move along this path. I admit I am a total city girl. I was raised in very big cities, Spokane is the smallest place I have ever lived with half a million people. My parents did have houses and we always had gardens but I really do not know the first thing about farming. How do you irrigate a garden large enough to feed a family? How do you retrofit a house with solar panels? How do you set up a chicken coop? Do chickens attack you when you gather their eggs? Heck, I’ve never even changed a diaper you know? Most city girls know even that, and here I am wanting to use cloth diapers on my baby.

Still I am trying very hard to stay positive so that the daunting feelings of “not knowing” fail to discourage me. Most of my dreams are healthily sprinkled with idealism and well as being long term. They will require their large share of dedication and back breaking work. I do know with all certainly that I can learn and that I am driven to learn. I know I am intelligent and creative and I can achieve this if I really want it.

But back to the townhouse homestead, I figure if I start small I can grow from there and see how far it takes me. We have done all the usual “green” stuff already with changing to compact fluorescent light bulbs, recycling, buying used whenever, buying local whenever I can. I try to plan meals around what is in season (which is also cheaper.) I try to make as much stuff from scratch as I can. This morning I am going to be making chicken stock. I know some people don’t go this far even, but I find a huge personal reward is knowing that I have made something that is as close to the Earth as possible with my current means.

Still, I feel I could do more, my goals are small for this year, they have to stay in our budget (we have no debt and I want to keep it that way) and they must work around all the learning which comes with having your first baby. These are the things I can to do this year, (I plan on documenting all them, maybe they will eventually help someone with dreams similar to mine):

1. Vermicomposting: In the next month, I will be setting up an indoor worm bin, I have everything I need for it except a pound of red wigglers (worms) which I am waiting to here back about from a couple sources. Vermicomposting is basically using worms to quicken the composting process. It is an efficient way to get ride of my organic kitchen waste with no smell and I can use the worm castings (poo) to enrich the soil for my plants.

2. Herb Garden: I want to grow all the herbs I currently buy prepackaged in the store. I plan on growing them in containers (so that I can bring them in come winter time.) I am going to start with the ones I purchase most frequently; basil, cilantro, rosemary, mint, oregano, thyme. I eventually want to pick up more but I think these are the best ones for me to start with. I will probably buy starter plants as I do not have the room the start things from seed.

3. Vegetable Garden: This year I will probably only grow tomatoes and perhaps strawberries, again from starter plants and in containers. Personal rant on GM foods aside, I would like heirloom if possible. I am choosing to do these in containers as my patio soil it is very poor and needs lots of work to make it better. (I may plant Purple Prairie Clover in the soil as it grows well in poor soil and fixes nitrogen in the soil.) If these do well on my patio then next year I may expand to more types of vegetables.

My biggest current delema with tomatoes in determinate and indeterminate, basically ones that grow to a fixed size a stop or ones that vine and keep growing. Determinate seems best for container gardening, however all their fruit ripens at once, where as indeterminate ones have bare fruit all season long.

4. Baby: Our biggest change this year will be the baby, as any new parents wants, I hope to do everything right but mistakes as also part of the learning process. I want to breastfeed, use cloth diapers, make my own baby food (when that stage comes.) I want the baby to grow up knowing how important taking care of the Earth is and be surrounded by it’s beauty.

Maybe that is the main reason I am making this whole green push, I have been gradually doing it over time, but I feel I need to set a good example for Michael and my child. I know that starts with me being dedicated to the things I love. Whatever direction these goals end up going, I am sure they will all lead to a very interesting year though!

Has your body ever been tired while your mind still races at 100 miles an hour? Michael is sound asleep in bed beside me, and here I am, wide awake. My baby belly is really noticeable when I am sitting in bed, I love rubbing it and am eager to feel movement again.

My days almost always begin in a pretty ordinary way. Every weekday morning our alarm clock goes off at 04:45 and Michael always hits snooze. I am so use to it that the 04:45 alarm does not wake me anymore. It does set my mind into the dream stage though and I tend to have very vivid dreams in the 15 minutes before I get up.

I physically wake up at 05:00 and begin the usual morning stuff. I sit on the edge of the bed for a couple minutes, waiting for my eyes to remember how to focus and my leg to work. As soon as that happens I do the bathroom stuff and get dressed. at this point Michael is already downstairs.

I meander downstairs around 05:15, Michael is always laying on the couch, wrapped in this bathrobe and a blanket, he does not work till 09:00, but always comes downstairs while I am getting ready for work. I go to the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove; then I begin to make Michael and my lunch, usually sandwiches or some incarnation of leftovers. Sometimes I forget stuff, but then, I am only physically awake at this point.

When the kettle boils I make myself a cup of Tazo Awake tea in my blue dragonfly mug, I steep it for 6 minutes and then add honey and milk. As soon as I take the first sip my brain suddenly realizes that it can indeed be that cerebral before dawn. At this point I double check the lunches to make sure I didn’t forget lids on the tupperware or bread on the sandwiches…

I eat breakfast, either cereal or a fruit and soymilk smoothie (I am sure my neighbors love when I use my blender at this time of the morning.) Sometimes I get fancy and make a breakfast sandwich with whole-wheat bread, a fried egg and cheese. I watch the morning news while I eat. Then I pack my backpack and brush my hair. If Michael has dozed off I wake him up and get him to sit up, then I brush his hair. Yes, I brush my husband’s hair every morning, and I love doing it (most of the time.)

At 06:25 I put my winter boots on, pet Windigo and Aos and kiss Michael bye. Then I go out to the bus stop and catch the bus at 06:30. I do this four days a week, baring holidays or illness, except for one day when Michael works at 07:00. Then he drives me to work, we still leave at 06:30 though. I only work part time so I am on the bus home by 13:00.

I don’t mind routine, I think it is the only thing that gets me through the dark winter mornings. You should see what happens when I run out of tea mid-week. Total wrench in the morning machine. Actually, I noticed this morning I only have enough to last me till Thursday. Oh noes! The store is only a 10 minute walk away though.

This morning was a little different when I left for. Now that it is January we are now in the Inland Northwest season known as “Fog”, which falls sometime between Winter and Spring. Fog rolls in fast in Spokane and can leave just as quickly, or linger for days on end. This morning it was a lovely little inconvenience known as Freezing Fog, which causes the not so lovely black ice. Freezing fog is also that kind that seems to find the tiniest space through your many layers of clothing so that it can settle its penetrating cold deep in your bones.

Still, I think the fog has a lovely, if somewhat cliche, mystery about it. I can becoming totally enthralled just watching it twirl and dance past me, as if it had a mind of its own. It puts me in a deeply introspective mood, so deep in fact, that when I come out of it, sometimes I do not remember where my consciousness went. Probably somewhere nicer then freezing to the bus bench though…

The bus is always late when the fog comes to town.