94! or was it 49… You know use dyslexics, it must of rubbed of on Ginanne when she put the candles on. On the bright side, next year he’ll be 5! Honestly though, it must be some kind of joke from the universe for a CPA to have his birthday in the middle of tax season… My father-in-law’s birthday was actually Saturday but we rolled it in with the monthly family potluck yesterday.

Tax time or not, it is always easy to make time for the cuteness grandchildren in existence, no bias of course! Chocolate cake is always a good incentive too.

(Michelle and Mikcos gave me a beautiful yellow miniature rose for my birthday.)

I had a really lovely birthday on Saturday, that is, except for the 4 minutes Ivy’s emergency room visit ran into it. She is doing well by the way, she will be seeing a specialist on February 1st.

After sleeping in until 8:00 (which is a long time when you have young children) I was up. As I am a creature of habit, birthday or not, the morning was business as usual. Breakfast, general tidying and playing with children. In the afternoon my friends came over and we had a little birthday party. Andrea made her wonderful fruit dip and a big bowl of my favorite fruits for dipping (better than cake! I am a fruit bat.) It was a simple afternoon full of great conversation, and honestly after the ER night, relaxing with friends was just what I needed.

My mom called in the evening (she has impeccable timing, the phone rang about 5 minutes after everyone had left.) She sent me a little power sander for my birthday, which goes perfectly with the jigsaw she sent me for Christmas. Though we talk about once a week, there is something really lovely about hearing from family on your birthday.

Anyhow, I can hear Ivy and Damian stirring in the other room. Time for the morning routine. Have a lovely day!

Ivy Eleanor Stewart was born on November 29th, 2009 at 2:30am. She weighed 8lbs, and is 21 inches long. Welcome to the world precious baby girl!

Saturday was my birthday and Mommy and Daddy threw me a big party! I helped Mommy pick out my awesome dinosaur overalls to make sure I looked extra adorable and I managed to get even more snuggles then usual because of my big face booboo. A couple hours before my party Daddy was helping me down the deck stairs, and I decided I was going to try the last one all by myself (I am a year old after all!), but I slip and face-planted right into the walkway. It looks a lot worse then it feels but I still got the extra snuggles!

Almost everyone I know came, Cheyenne, Caswallon, Ileen, Michelle, Mikcos, Nathan, Ben, Laurie, Peter, Andrea, Ariella, Lydia, Grandpa and Grandma Stewart, Ginanne, Jordan and Emily. We had a big barbecue with hotdogs, hamburgers and corn-on-the-cob, Mommy is the grill master!

Afterwards we did my presents! I received spiritual gifts from almost everyone for my altar as well as a whispered blessing (they all made me smile!) I received a cool dragon tealight holder and yellow stone egg from Michelle, Mikcos and Nathan; color runes from Cheyenne (these are wooden disks she painted with colors and put in a red bag, so pretty!); an awesome piece of obsidian from Peter and Andrea; a spider plant in a RED (can you tell I like that color?) pot from Laurie and Ben; a shiny CTR dogtag from Ginanne, Jordan and Emily; and really pretty book from Grandma and Grandpa Stewart, Ariella and Lydia. They also gave me an outfit and super cool wooden building blocks. All of these gifts were in a big shiny RED radio flyer wagon from Grandpa Tolman.

After presents came my cake! Mommy made me an whole-wheat applesauce cake shaped like the moon. It looked awesome and tasted even better! I think Mommy actually thought I was going to stay clean for a minute, but nooo, people need the grubby cake photo, so I was happy to oblige.

My birthday was so fun! I had a wonderful time, I can’t wait till my next year! (And there are lots more photos from my party here.)

Happy Birthday Damian!

We love you so much and are so proud of you! You will always be our little superman.

15 days till my baby turns one! Can I cry now? He is growing up so incredibly fast. Running around, babbling, eating solids, reintroducing me to my inner child. Who knew a little one could be so insightful? I’ll save the deep introspection for his birthday post though. June 6th, oh my goddess has it really been almost a year? I feel Damian has been in my life for the blink of an eye and forever at the same time.

Naturally we are having a birthday party. It is proving a little more stressful then I anticipated. We have requested, as always, no plastic toys. Yes, Damian does have a select few plastic outdoor toys, but just because he has those is not a green light for him to have a ton more. He doesn’t need millions of toys to start with. I have had three people ask me why wood (or other natural materials) over plastic, and I do not mind explaining that. What I do mind is the one who suggest that I was being stupid by putting rules like that on gifts. Well, I’m sorry if it inconveniences you that I feel the need to protect my child’s developing brain and body from harmful chemicals; cadmium (a carcinogenic pigments used in some plastic and paint) and polyvinyl chloride (found in vinyl and pvc and linked to birth defects as well as other things) come to mind. Not the mention plastic toys will pretty much never ever decay, which is kind of funny because they are the first ones to break. And it is not like that are hard to find, Amazon, Babies”R”Us and even Walmart carry a selection of toys made of natural material which are really no more expensive then a sturdy plastic toy.

Hmmm, I didn’t mean to rant. I do understand I cannot protect Damian from ever hazard life throws his way. Nor, I suppose, should I, but I can protect him from what I consider basic dangers and I do not see why that is so hard for some people to respect. Just like people who are suggesting I wean him now. Without going into the proven benefits of extended breastfeeding that is absolutely none of their business anyways.

Gah, okay, no more ranty bitchiness. Moving on…

As long as the weather holds true we will be having a barbeque for his birthday, as well as a small blessing ritual and, of course, a cake (I am thinking a whole-wheat applesauce cake since Damian loves that.) We still have to figure out our gift for him too. I think the first birthday is almost more to celebrate that the parents made it through the first year and to thank all those who helped them through it. Almost. Either way it is good practice for when the day when rampaging minion-filled parties arrive isn’t it? (Ack!) It’s all good though, and honestly I am really looking forward to celebrating such a big milestone in Damian’s life.

And the big question of this post, a candle on the cake or not? Damian doesn’t know how to blow out one and will probably grab at it, and yet a candleless cake just seems so very weird. What do you think?

It is my Grandma Mason’s (Mommy’s Mommy) birthday today. She is with my Great Grandma in Canada right now. I have not gotten to meet her yet but I still wanted to send her huge hugs and birthday wishes so I got Mommy to take a photo of me to send.

Michael and I have been together for five years this coming June, wow doesn’t time fly? I feel like I have known him forever though, I feel like I have never known a time when I didn’t love him. I am so grateful to have someone as supportive and caring as him to share my life with. I think he is the most amazing father, the most loving husband and he is my very best friend.

Happy 26th Birthday Michael! I love you with all my heart.

These are the socks my friends Ileen and Caswallon gave me for my birthday. I really love thick comfy colorful socks. I have never seen a pair in my favorite colors, but Ileen found them! (She also gave me green nubbly socks for Solstice.) This past Friday my friends surprised me with a few birthday things. Andrea made me a chocolate cake with orange frosting, it was soooo good – and had star candles! Peter and her also gave me orange yarn (shot of it in my photoblog) and homemade orange soda and rootbeer. Do you know how you know you are always welcome at a friend’s home? When they have a basket in their living room stocked with toys for your child. Shannon is so awesome! All my friends are made of pure love.

So my birthday definitely lifted my spirits, now comes the fight to keep them up. Shannon gave me a vitamin D supplement I have been trying out. I can’t tell if it is making a difference yet, I think so though. It has been foggy for two days (with a quick hour of BEAUTIFUL sunshine yesterday – I grabbed a quick photo of it steaming across our altar.) The news says that the stagnant air (and therefore fog) will be here at least till the middle of next week, bleh! This happens every January and gets me really down, but I haven’t felt as moody since beginning the supplement. I haven’t slept as well though, not sure if that is related.

My Aunt Ruth talked about comfort foods on her blog today, an important topic for me. On one hand, if I eat cookies, my mood improves, but on the other hand, as soon as that sugar wears off, I feel even worse then before. So I try to avoid it right now. For the most part, I eat comfort foods when I am bored, so I am trying to avoid that too. When I am stressed I tend to skip meals because I feel queasy, but the moment I run out of things to do, out comes the cookie sheet. (I don’t keep junkfood around so I have to make my own.) Recognizing that trigger is important for me, I actually have a sticky note inside my recipe folder that says “Are you hungry or BORED?” I still make junkfood of course, I just won’t let myself binge on it when I am bored. Maybe that is why I have taken up knitting, it is a defense mechanism for the munchies! Eating a decent breakfast every morning helps too.

My one other change to fight the Winter blues is that I have also seriously started indoor exercise last week, which I read can help alleviate seasonal depression. I thought it would be so hard so I set a goal to do it three times a week. I start with tai chi and then do some simply exercises (crunches, push ups etc) and stretching, and some dancing. I found that my spirits are so lifted afterwards that I have not had a problem keeping it up. In fact I find myself doing tai chi every morning now.

Anyhow Damian is waking so it is potty time. He is in underwear about 80% of the time (not as night or later in the evening) for a couple days. We have had a couple accidents but it is going much better then I expected! If we need to go back to diapers that is okay, this is more of a trial then anything else. I’m so proud of him though.

Mommy wanted a smile for her birthday, so she gets smiles! Lots and lots of smiles, and a healthy dose of drool for good measure too. We are going over to Shannon’s tonight. I heard Daddy tell Mommy that Shannon might have found some wooden toys for me to play with when I am over there. Very exciting!

My 22nd year in this big beautiful world has been amazing. I gave birth, I loved fiercely and deeply, I developed spiritually, I made new friends and renewed old friendships. I lost a few too but I do not grieve, I know that our paths will meet again when the time is right. I have found an endless well of optimism and joy both in myself and in the laughter of friends and family. All I need for a gift is the smile of a friend, your smile!

I hope that I have become a little smarter this year too, maybe even wiser. I have a lot more patience now, that is for sure. Here is to my 23rd year of life, love and happiness:

I’ve been feeling a little bit of the winter blues lately, not as bad as other years, but I know it’s there. Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD if you prefer, one of the most fitting acronyms, if there ever was. Feelings this way is a really odd state to be in for me, I am normally an optomistic person, but this time of year the gray skies and barren trees seem to directly reflect my outlook. And yes, I have one of those special lights that imitate daylight (need to dig it out of the closet.) I do not think anything works as great as the real deal though.

In a sense, it is better this year then others. I credit Damian for that, I really do. I am so busy trying to keep up with him, I do not have much time for dwelling, besides your baby’s smile is an excruciatingly hard thing to resist. He is definitely growing, I am not even sure I can call what he is does crawling anymore, scampering is more accurate, whatever it is, it is FAST. He goes from zero to ack-not-that! in less then a second. Today Michael was clapping and Damian was trying to imitate it sporadically, very comical.

The sun made an appearance long enough the a couple weeks ago for me to snap that photo of him. I need some 2009 pictures of him… Last January I think I only took three of four photos for the whole month, I am trying not to repeat that trend this time around.

There must be some kind of cosmic irony to having a birthday in January and SAD. I can’t decide if fate did that to try to cheer me up in this dark month, or to mess with me. A little morbid thinking on my part, I know. My birthday is this Friday. I want a pasta machine (thank you Dad) and an Vietnamese Ao Dai pattern is that weird? Not worried about if I get them or not though, all I really need is my loved ones near, and maybe a few extra hugs. We are probably going over to Shannon’s house on Friday, we do that every few weeks, it is especially nice to be with friends this time of year. They are like little suns, bringing their own special kind of happiness to my heart.

I am fighting that urge to hibernate, with bellydancing to keep the blood flowing, and surrounding myself with all things orange to keep my spirits up until the sun starts poking around a little more. When my mood turns towards the darker tones, I just remember that if we can never truly feel happiness if sadness does not come. Just as the flowers cannot bloom without the rain. See, optimism does persist doesn’t it?

Oh yes, and I am beginning to learn to knit too, with orange yarn of course!

In the past three weeks we have had nearly 60 inches of snow, that makes this the snowiest December on record for Spokane. Up until now it had all been dry snow but yesterday we had over five inches of heavy wet snow, we might have 5 more tonight. Three roofs around town collapsed today. Our roof was creaking on and off too, a little disconcerting, but I think it was just the wind since it has not made some much as a peep today. I called management about it though, not that they are going to do anything, I have been calling them daily about my busted dishwasher and still nothing. In February we are probably going to start to look for a house since our lease is up at the end of March I think. Hopefully all this snow will have given way to Spring by then.

I just realized that it is only 10 more days till my 23rd birthday (January 9th.) I don’t usually think about my birthday that much but for some reason it seems particularly exciting this year. Not that I have anything special planned. Maybe I will make myself a cake.

I have been under the weather for a few days, hopefully that will go away before my day. My back pain went away as mysteriously as it showed up, leaving behind general aches, pains and a scratchy throat. Can’t wait to feel better so I can get back to learning to bellydance. I still have to get out to the store to buy knitting needles so I can start working through my dvd about that. Learning to bellydance and knit are on my dreamboard for projects to accomplish this year.

Damian has been doing well, he decided he wanted solid food instead of one of his nursings today. My little guy is growing up! I have had two or three people ask me when I am going to wean him lately, or suggesting that I do so, which I don’t really get. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for at least one year and as long as mutually desired by mother and child beyond that and the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years. I think they have more weight in my decision then someone’s uninformed opinion. So no, I am not going to be weaning Damian any time some.

I bought Michael a songbook called Songs for Earthlings and it arrived yesterday. I am really pleased with it. It is 390 pages of Pagan songs and chants for all occasions, including sheet music. There is a section on music theory in it so I am trying to learn to read music with it. I got Michael a keyboard a couple years ago so now he has some stuff to actually play with it. If you are into Pagan music, I really recommend it, it is the only one like it out there I think.

Anyhow I’m going to go sit with Michael while he plays Deep and Fallow.

I was looking through the photos on my hard drive today to find an appropriate one for my Dad’s birthday post, instead I found this one. My very first thought was “YES! A mullet! Wait, my dad had a mullet? I don’t remember that…” It must have been when we lived in North Carolina. I have lived in four countries (and two states) because of my Dad’s work and though the constant moving was hard at times I am glad I had a chance to travel the world with him.

Anyhow, with that potentially embarrassing photo out of the way (though I like mullets), this is a more recent photo:

The last time I saw my dad was during our handfasting last summer. My brother and father live in the UAE, where he does consulting (my brother is a lawyer.) I get to see lots of photos of his various adventures over there in his blog. My family is a very complicated topic and growing up with my dad wasn’t always a walk in the park but I can say beyond the shadow of a doubt I am certainly daddy’s little girl.

I can’t find too many photos of us together which is a bit funny because we spent a lot of time together when I was growing up. He usually was taking more photos of me on our outings though. He took this one of me at an abandoned church in Spain we were exploring one weekend. It was a pain to get into, he had to hoist me into a hole in the second floor. We both have a cat like curiosity (and luckily 9 lives it seems) as well as a passion for history and the outdoors. This picture reminds me of the time we rock climbed together in the south of France.

He also took this one of me at a festival of St. George (he also paid for that dye job.) I think this was the same year we got our ears pierced together. Actually repierced for both of us since Mr. Mullet up there had an ear piercing before we moved to France. Father daughter piercing outing, some people find it weird but I think it is pretty sweet. We also went to heavy metal concerts together and ran together at Correfoc. Unfortunately I can’t talk him into the joint tattooing session… but you can’t have it all!

Because of the distance and cost of travel we don’t get to see each other much anymore, adult life does this I suppose. He was at Michael and my handfasting last summer, which was awesome and I figured it would be a couple years a least before he came again… but he is coming to visit at the beginning of August! I am looking forward to him meeting Damian for the first time.

Happy Birthday Dad! I love you.

(Linda weighing Damian.)

Thank you so much for all your beautiful comments! I have a few minutes so I decided to drop by blog land for a bit and let you all know how everything is going.

Damian Michael Stewart was born on June 6th at 10:15pm and as you know, he is 8lbs8oz and 21 inches long. He is sooo perfect (I am sure every new mother says that) and came out screaming! (And has hardly screamed since, hehe!)

He was my first and labor was like nothing I expecting (I am sure that new mothers say that too…) Labor lasted 18.5 hours. We were at the birth center with my midwife for 7.5 of them. We ended up artificially breaking my water almost exactly an hour before Damian was born. I went through transition and pushed him out all in that time, it was very intense.

Michael was sooo wonderful, he was basically pushing on my back the whole time, when I was in bed, on the birthing ball, in the tub, when I was pushing… I didn’t know he had that kind of stamina (he told me that he was telling himself “if she can keep doing it, then I can keep doing this.”) I am amazed my body could do it all naturally, there was a couple times I thought I couldn’t do it but they were brief. I don’t think I couldn’t have done it without Michael’s constant support and encouragment, and Kim’s too! (My mother-in-law attended the birth, I somehow managed not to crush her hand.)

I tore a little (no stitches) so peeing really sucks right now. Breastfeeding is getting a little easier, I have to use nipple shields (I think that is what they are called) because I have flat nipples. I got a hickey on my nipple the first time we tried though (OW!)

We came home a couple hours after he was born (we are only 20 minutes from the birth center.) The midwife is coming over to check me and the baby tomorrow. I going to write a more detailed birth story sometime soon but for now I need some more naptime (and I think the baby needs some boobtime!)

(More photos here. None with me, I am not ready for my post-pregnancy photo debut quite yet.)

I keep getting struck by awe, we have a baby boy!

It might seem odd that I am posting a picture of my handfasting cake from last June on a my mother’s birthday post, but truth be told I do not have a picture of my mother. You would think I would have a photo of the two of us together from somewhere but I simply don’t. Maybe it is because she has almost always been the one taking the photos.

My mother and my grandma made that beautiful wedding cake for Michael and my handfasting, and I adored it, not only was it beautiful, it was fruitcake (yes, I am one of those people who adore fruitcake.) My mother is a very creative person, she draws, paints, sculpts, sews (when needed, it isn’t her favorite craft by any means) as well does a plethora of random artistic endeavors (batik, bonsais, cooking, interior design, gardening, mosaics etc.) When I was very young, she made me a tinkerbell costume for Halloween with tiny real lights in the skirt so it twinkled. Everyone thought my parents had bought it for me because it was so perfect. As I got older she began to teach me a variety of arts and crafts, I was never limited in what I was allowed to be interested in (as long as I cleaned up.) She would go out of her way to make sure I had the supplies I needed. I got my creativity “bug” from my mom.

Before my family moved to France, my mother worked for a parasitologist at North Carolina State University College of Veterinary Medicine. There were always tons of cool animals at the university (I often went to work with her before I started school.) Her boss had a tank full of poison dart frogs as well as lots of parasite specimens in jars, which might explain why very few things gross me out… I also got to see white tiger cubs as they were part of a breeding program and lots of other exotic animals. A couple times I went out with my mom to the fish farms she inspected too. I got my love for animals from my mother. We always had dogs and cats and I usually always had an (enormous) fish tank.

After we moved to France a lot of stuff changed, my dad got a really good job and was at work more and and my mother became a stayed-at-home mom. My brother and I started going to private schools and she was always thereto help with the mountains of homework we had, as well as bail us out of the trouble we got into at school (which may have been frequently.) I retrospect I think she had a really hard time adjusting to life overseas, she was half a world away from her family (with whom she was very close to) and wasn’t really ever able to pick up the local languages. I don’t know how she felt about becoming a stay-at-home mom, she couldn’t work as she wasn’t able to get a work visa.

I know that I was very hard on her once I hit puberty. We are both equally stubborn and both have that kind of anger that simmers for a long time before going off like an atom bomb. Whenever we sat down to talk it out it would turn into epic battles. Eventually we pretty much stopped talking, especially after my brother went off to college.

In January 2004 we were living in Spain and I turned 18. I dropped out of school and a week later I had a plane ticket and moved to the USA to live with extended family for a few months. The day I left we did not even see each other as my flight was so early in the morning. Neither of us said goodbye. In September of that year I moved to Spokane to live with Michael. I never called her to tell her I was moving (nor did I call her when we got a civil union in December.) She found out through family I guess. I don’t think we spoke for the first year after I left home, which I am sure was as up and down for her as it was for me, my dad and her went their separate ways in that time (though their relationship is so complicated I won’t even pretend to understand it!)

It was three and a half years after I left home that I saw her again. She came to Michael and my handfasting and was here for a few days. I feel like I should have done more to connect with her but I didn’t, I wasn’t sure how to act to be honest. We had both changed so much but still had a lot of wounds.

My mom and I talk a couple times a year. She lives with my grandma now and they can be quite a challenge to keep track of, moving frequently between Ontario, Indianapolis and Florida. Emailing doesn’t ever seem to work out for us (she doesn’t have access in Canada.) She knows I am pregnant and has sent stuff for the baby as well as for my birthing necklace, we exchange Christmas gifts as well. I will call her after the baby is born of course. I do want her to know her grandson. I want to get to know her again and for her to get to know this very different me but I feel it will take a lot of time for us to rebuild our bridges. Sometimes i wonder if it is even possible.

So maybe this isn’t the most joyful birthday post, but it is honest. We have certainly had our trial by fire but I feel like things have begun improving in the past year. I love my mother very much and I know she sacrificed a lot of herself so that my brother and I could have as stable of a home as possible and a good education. And in spite of the teenage battles to be different from her in every way, we are in fact very similar and I don’t mind anymore.

Happy birthday Mom, I hope you have a wonderful one.
We have been through a lot but I still love you very much, I always will.

(Taken last June in Coeur d’Alene, ID.)

Today is Michael’s 25th birthday (a quarter of a century, woot!) He is the reason I have such a nice website to put this birthday post on (and that I have three other websites too!) Yes, I suppose I did marry a geek but luckily I caught one who shares my passion for the outdoors and the environment. Mother Nature is giving him a healthy dose of snow as a gift today though…

We have known each other for several years though I only moved to Spokane in September 2004. We had a civil union in December 2004 and were handfasted last June. As you all know, we are expecting our first child in June, which is very close to the date of our handfasting in fact, which somehow seems beautifully symbolic. I think he is going to make one of the most amazing fathers, just as he is a wonderful and caring husband.

I don’t think there is any other person who I connect with as well as I do with Michael. Of course we do not always agree, but we can overcome those things easily because we communicate so well. I don’t think anyone can make me laugh as much as he does either, or put my mind at greater peace.

So happy birthday my Love, I look forward to spending them all with you.

A few people have asked me what I want for my birthday, which is on Wednesday!

I would like to have Bradley classes, which will cost $250 for a set (12 weeks.) I don’t expect someone to give me all that but every little bit helps. So if you want to give a little, we have a paypal account at:
babyfund[at]michaelandjaspenelle[dot]com
If by some chance we get more then $250, the rest will go towards more baby stuff!

So what am I doing for my birthday? Not sure yet, other then I going to the Pagan meetup downtown. I love seeing my friends!

Oh and that is me to the left if ya didn’t know. Is that a baby belly? It just kind of just appeared recently when I noticed that I no longer have a waist…

I think I felt the baby move recently, felt like a butterfly in my tummy, but maybe it is just wishful thinking!

I realize the point of this entry is relatively selfish, but people have asked me what I want for my birthday…

On January 8th, 9th and 10th Michael and I are renting a car to drive over to Seattle and the coast for my 21st birthday. I could care less about drinking, I care most about the ocean.

We will probably be sleeping the in car (unless someone puts us up for a couple nights) and we will not have much play money, and will probably park somewhere and ride the bus (oo or ferries…) but I get to see the ocean! You must understand, the ocean is my element and I have not seen her in three years which seems an eternity to me. I am completely ecstatic about the trip!

What should I see? Oo, who should I meet up with, I know some of you live in Seattle. I will bring the laptop, maybe find a wireless network and blog post.

As for the somewhat selfish part, what I want for my birthday is a little bit of financial padding for the trip, so if you would like to gift me any little bit for my birthday or buy something off my website I would be really grateful.

And to anyone I know who lives in the Seattle area, let me know if you’ll be around. Drop me an email with your name and number, maybe we can meet up. Ah, I am so excited! Salt Water!