(Can you believe Damian was two months old here? Look at those squishy cheeks, that is enough to melt this mommy’s heart.)

Our choice to bed-share with Damian is probably the parenting practice I talk the least about. I have always felt that more families in this country bed-share then statics illustrate (even if they didn’t set out to do so,) especially when the mother breastfeeds, but that the societal taboo regarding it keeps them all but silent too.

Bed-sharing (also called the family bed or co-sleeping) is a practice in which children sleep with one or both parents, as opposed to being in a crib. According to wikipedia, it has been widely practiced historically and is still standard practice in many parts of the world, and is practiced by a significant minority in countries where infant beds are also used.

Why did we chose to bed-share? The reason at the very top of that list would be breastfeeding. Damian falls asleep at the breast and is difficult to move, when I lay down to feed him, I often fall asleep too. Seems like a match made in heaven doesn’t it? It became so natural to breastfeed at night that Damian quit waking up to find a breast, which was really nice (not having to sooth a baby back to sleep.)

The number one question I am asked regarding bed-sharing is if I have ever worried about crushing/suffocating/otherwise maiming Damian in my sleep. The first night we brought him home I did, but I haven’t since. Honestly, there has never been a time when something even scared me about Damian laying between Michael and I. Normally Damian and I sleep on our sides, facing each other. His head rests on my elbow so that my arm very naturally wraps around cradles him in his sleep. When I roll over (if he needs to switch sides to eat) I hold him lightly to my chest and the transition is easy, not even waking him up. If his breathing changes at night or he fusses even a tiny amount for any reason I instantly wake up. I don’t think any of those indicates I am a light sleeper or hypersensitive, they are just instincts I naturally have as a mother. I don’t worry about Michael either, he has the his own protective Daddy instincts.

It is important that bed-sharing bed done properly though. I say properly because people often tell me bed-sharing horror stories when they find out we do about the death of a child because of bed-sharing. Not surprisingly these stories seem to always involve a parenting on drugs or who is drunk or one who has health problem (sleep apnea for example.) Getting drunk or high and passing out on your baby is not bed-sharing, it is child abuse.

I am also asked if I worry about him being co-dependent. While my proof is anecdotal, Damian is a very independent one-year-old, so I really have no worries. There is some research that has been done that seems to show there are actually quite a few benefits to bed-sharing. Since I am not here to talk to into doing it, I’ll just link anyone interested to an article about bed-sharing and the research that has been done.

People also ask me if Michael and my intimacy took a hit since we bed-share. (Dad, skip this paragraph unless you want to be mentally scarred again.) Yes, it took some adjustment. Yes, we have sex less. But people, you can have sex in other places then a bed and just because you bed-share does not mean a baby cannot be laid down elsewhere for a short nap. So yes, sex takes more planning, but I am pregnant again so obviously something happened. I hear couples who use cribs talk about a decline in sexual activity too, so I don’t think it is really as big an issue as it seems. Where there is a will, there is a way, right?

How long will we bed-share? Michael and I actually bought Damian a toddler bed four days ago. We knew that we did not want to move him to a crib, so Michael and I decided to waited until Damian was completely competent at getting in and out of our bed (which he has been for about a month.) We didn’t want to rush him into his own room, so his new bed is currently between the wall and my side of the bed (see thumbnail, his Grandma Stewart made that quilt by the way!) Damian has been taking his nap in it and I lay him down after his night feeding for bed time. He doesn’t stay in it all night yet, and I am not forcing him to, but every night he stays in it a little bit longer. (I am a big fan of gradual transitions.) If I was not pregnant, I would probably let him bed-share longer, but I want him to be well adjusted to sleeping on his own well before the new baby arrives so that the does not feel that he is being evicted and replaced.

I want to re-emphasize, bed-sharing is definitely not for everyone. Just like our other parenting decisions, the key to making bed-sharing work is that Michael and I decided on it together while looking at the needs of our child. Both of us like bed-sharing and neither of us get high, drunk or have medical conditions that impact our sleeping habits. Ultimately we made a choice that we felt was the healthiest for Damian and in the end that is all that matters to us.

In the run up to Damian’s first birthday this Saturday I figured I would write a few articles on my thoughts on the various choices I have made and what, if anything, I would change.

Initially, breastfeeding was a lot more difficult then I thought it would be. I have flat nipples for starters, which while not detrimental to the newborn, is a little confusing when they first seek nourishment with the instinct to find something that sticks out, only to find a completely smooth breast.

For the first couple days I tried nipple shields, which basically are fake nipple that goes over top of your real ones to give the baby a target to suck on. They also pull your own nipple out, the way it is suppose to be (which, when done enough times, they start to stay that way.) I can honestly say that nipple shields were the second most painful event in the nursing experience. Can you say blood blisters? One afternoon I just threw them out and gave Damian a shot at the breast straight up. After some momentary frustration, he figured it out. Thank the goddess! He quickly adapted the the unusual nipple shape and after a few weeks my nipples pretty much looked like any other woman’s anyways.

Then it was all good! Or not.

When I gave birth I had a yeast infection, not the end of the world right? I am prone to them and beyond my usual struggles with my vaginal flora I didn’t think too much of it. Apparently though, when you push a baby out that particular opening, the yeast catch a ride sometimes. After a few weeks of doing whatever evil little yeasts do, they turn into this thing called Thrush, basically a yeast infection in the baby’s mouth. It looks like some has coated then inside of your baby’s mouth with cottage cheese and it won’t rub off. As awful as that sounds it is not the end of the world, it isn’t really even for the baby most of the time, Damian didn’t seem to be bothered buy it. The bad thing about thrush and breastfeeding is that the baby can pass it back to you and then you get a yeast infection in your breasts. This is what makes blood blisters from nipple shields seem like a walk in the park. This was the most painful thing that happened while breastfeeding. It was as through my breasts were on fire and I would just cry (which is not something I do often, no matter the pain.) I almost gave in at this point.

I didn’t though and we treated it, not with the usual antifungal medication though, which we chose a more naturopathic method and just made a poor environment for thrush to thrive. The yeast that gives you an infection thrives on three things dark, damn and sugar. So I stopped eating so much fruit for a few days (I adore grapes,) let the girls air out by a sunny window for awhile and applied a very weak boric acid solution to my nipples and Damian’s mouth before and after every feeding. I also started probiotics. The thrush starting going away the first day we started treatment (ahhhh) and we stopped treatment after two weeks. Haven’t had a problem since.

Of course there have been other problems, but all relatively minor in comparison. My nipples dried out from all that constant attention from Damian and were sore and cracked, but Lanolin came to my rescue, which is a bi-product of wool. Seriously, if you intend on breastfeeding any buy nothing else to help you, buy Lanolin. I now consider the sheep a sacred animal for this beautiful product they provide, hehe! After a couple months my nipples were well trained warriors and I didn’t need it anymore.

The only other item I would recommend to a stay-at-home mother, that I have used, is a really comfortable nursing bras for sleeping (I use the Medela Comfort Nursing Bra) and nursing tank tops (I love the Gilligan & O’Malley Nursing Tank Top.) Remember, the girls will grow. Exponentially. I was a 38 B when I conceived and when my milk came in, I was a 40 DD. That is an extra large Medela bra and a L Gilligan tank top. I would recommend a cheap bra till your breasts figure out where they want to be. I bought mine after a week, and NO UNDERWIRE at first, that would be the shortcut to clogging a duct, ow. I wear my tank tops every day and I find the built in bra gives me enough support but you can double it up with another nursing bra. Just remember that breastmilk stains yellow and that cloth breastpads, never used disposables, can show through lighter colored tanks (so I pretty much only use my white one for layering under another shirt.) Why do I love nursing tank tops so much because when you breastfeed in the winter it is nice to have your midsection protected from the elements and in the summer it is nice to just be able to wear one layer to stay cool. If modesty is important to you, they have that going for them too.

What else… Bitting, everyone always asks me about bitting. Or they say, “if my child bit me I would stop breastfeeding that day!” Yes, Damian bit, but the warrior nipples endured. Every time he bit I would unlatch him and give him a teething ring. He learned really quickly that bitting meant no milk and in his world, no milk is bad! Consistency was the key there and when he did bite I always did the same thing and told myself that teething is hard on him too. My own wisdom teeth were breaking through at the time so I could almost relate, I joked about sharing the teething ring with Damian.

Would I change anything next time? Some people ask me if I would ever supplement with formula. Never. Some people ask me if I would schedule feedings. Also never. Both impact your supply, when you supplement with formula your breasts don’t know how much to make and decrease production, when you schedule it has the same effect and besides, young babies do not understand timetables, they only understand their need. It is your duty as a parent to fulfill that need until they are old enough to understand otherwise.

I would change one thing though. Next time I will buy a manual breastpump. Since I am a stay-at-home mother there is pretty much no point for me to invest in some hemi-powered roaring double breasted super soaker milking machine (that might be an over-exaggeration) since I will be feeding at the breast 99% of the time since that is still better then expressed milk in a bottle (and seriously washing bottles sucks, pardon the pun.) It would be nice though, after the nipple confusion stage has passed to sleep in occasionally and have Daddy do a bottle, or when the baby is older, to have a friend stay with him or her for a couple hours while Michael and I go out, secure in the fact I have left my precious one with the very best food possible.

Ultimately when breastfeeding I think the most important thing to remember is that laughter is vital. Things will happen that will be embarrassing. If you use a cover (Damian never would) your baby will pull it off him or herself, unlatching at the same time exposing you for the whole mall to see. Before your breasts have the whole production and flow thing under control you will forget your breastpads, even if only for a minute, and leak through onto your favorite shirt. Someone will try to give you advice when you nurse in public (and it is such a pain to make them go away.) As your child gets more grabby he will try to pull off your nursing bra when hungry in the most public situation possible. It’s okay though, just laugh, you are a new mom and anyone who does not understand is really not worth your time are they? Especially since time is now at a premium. Besides, when you are feeding your beautiful baby in a way that only your body can, and you get that huge rush of happy bonding hormones, and he looks up and you with the most gorgeous eyes in the world, you will know it is worth it.

15 days till my baby turns one! Can I cry now? He is growing up so incredibly fast. Running around, babbling, eating solids, reintroducing me to my inner child. Who knew a little one could be so insightful? I’ll save the deep introspection for his birthday post though. June 6th, oh my goddess has it really been almost a year? I feel Damian has been in my life for the blink of an eye and forever at the same time.

Naturally we are having a birthday party. It is proving a little more stressful then I anticipated. We have requested, as always, no plastic toys. Yes, Damian does have a select few plastic outdoor toys, but just because he has those is not a green light for him to have a ton more. He doesn’t need millions of toys to start with. I have had three people ask me why wood (or other natural materials) over plastic, and I do not mind explaining that. What I do mind is the one who suggest that I was being stupid by putting rules like that on gifts. Well, I’m sorry if it inconveniences you that I feel the need to protect my child’s developing brain and body from harmful chemicals; cadmium (a carcinogenic pigments used in some plastic and paint) and polyvinyl chloride (found in vinyl and pvc and linked to birth defects as well as other things) come to mind. Not the mention plastic toys will pretty much never ever decay, which is kind of funny because they are the first ones to break. And it is not like that are hard to find, Amazon, Babies”R”Us and even Walmart carry a selection of toys made of natural material which are really no more expensive then a sturdy plastic toy.

Hmmm, I didn’t mean to rant. I do understand I cannot protect Damian from ever hazard life throws his way. Nor, I suppose, should I, but I can protect him from what I consider basic dangers and I do not see why that is so hard for some people to respect. Just like people who are suggesting I wean him now. Without going into the proven benefits of extended breastfeeding that is absolutely none of their business anyways.

Gah, okay, no more ranty bitchiness. Moving on…

As long as the weather holds true we will be having a barbeque for his birthday, as well as a small blessing ritual and, of course, a cake (I am thinking a whole-wheat applesauce cake since Damian loves that.) We still have to figure out our gift for him too. I think the first birthday is almost more to celebrate that the parents made it through the first year and to thank all those who helped them through it. Almost. Either way it is good practice for when the day when rampaging minion-filled parties arrive isn’t it? (Ack!) It’s all good though, and honestly I am really looking forward to celebrating such a big milestone in Damian’s life.

And the big question of this post, a candle on the cake or not? Damian doesn’t know how to blow out one and will probably grab at it, and yet a candleless cake just seems so very weird. What do you think?

Is this photo obscene to you?

The Washington State Legislature will be voting on HB 1596 and as it has had no opposition thus far I am confident that it will pass. This is a very welcome law in my eyes, though I think it is sad that we need the law to protect a breastfeeding mother from discrimination. This bill is defined as “Protecting a woman’s right to breastfeed in a place of public resort, accommodation, assemblage, or amusement.”

I have read a lot of comments about it recently from perspectives of support to ridicule. A common argument I see is “If a woman can breastfeed in public, I should be able to piss in public.” Are they serious? One is feeding and the other is eliminating. Do these people drink their pee in private?

Some people also apparently think that as soon as this passes, breastfeeding women will just start walking around topless, baby hanging off the nipple like a Christmas ornament. Now that is totally ridiculous. That is certainly not what I intend on doing, nor any of the many mothers I know who breastfeed. I do not know a single breastfeeding mother who “whips them out for all to see” (using terms I have heard or read here) or “strips to the waist” to feed her child. I find the most vocal critics are those who have never breastfed and men who feel that breasts are for them, not babies. Naturally there is always going to be that handful of breastfeeding mothers who are fit the stereotype, but every group has them. They do not define me. (Nor do the mothers who say that they would never breastfeed in public, that is their right. They are not me.)

When I was at the mall last weekend and Damian was hungry, Michael and I found a quiet bench (so that he would not get distracted, which equals bitting!) and I nursed him. I would have done it in the food court had it been comfortable. If he would have been screaming for food, I would have done it where ever I was. What do you prefer, a screaming baby or a quiet one? Beyond that question, ultimately, my son’s wellbeing is more important to be then the sensitives of some stranger. I sure as hell am not going to formula feed him when I am out. Formula is vastly inferior to breastfeeding and feeding at the breast is better still then expressed milk in a bottle. I am going to give my child the very best start that I am capable of giving.

That said, I AM discreet and I feel 99% of breastfeeding mothers are. I breastfed him at the pediatricians a few months ago (I do not use a cover) and the nurse did not even noticed. It was really funny actually, she asked me if I breastfed him and I looked down at him and she said “Oh! I guess you do! I thought you were just holding him!”

Some people might say, why do you need a law if most people barely notices or cares? It is the small very vocal minority of people who do notice that we (breastfeeding mothers) feel we need protecting from. Some of the things they say verge on assault. I cannot count the women (even women who use covers!) I know who have been discouraged from breastfeeding or felt shammed by those people who take issue with breastfeeding in public. What are we suppose to do, stay cloistered until the baby is weened? Might as well take away our right to vote while you are at it! (And yes, I do see it as a women’s rights issue.) I have been verbally assaulted for breastfeeding at a local park (I was virtually alone in the park and being just as discreet as I was at the doctor’s office!)

So yes, I am looking forward to this law passing. Will I start flaunting my breastfeeding in public more? Letting the girls hang out for all to see? Of course not. And I don’t know any breastfeeding mother with those intentions. Will anything about me change? Other then finding comfort in knowing that I have the law fully on my side if I am harassed, no.

In the past three weeks we have had nearly 60 inches of snow, that makes this the snowiest December on record for Spokane. Up until now it had all been dry snow but yesterday we had over five inches of heavy wet snow, we might have 5 more tonight. Three roofs around town collapsed today. Our roof was creaking on and off too, a little disconcerting, but I think it was just the wind since it has not made some much as a peep today. I called management about it though, not that they are going to do anything, I have been calling them daily about my busted dishwasher and still nothing. In February we are probably going to start to look for a house since our lease is up at the end of March I think. Hopefully all this snow will have given way to Spring by then.

I just realized that it is only 10 more days till my 23rd birthday (January 9th.) I don’t usually think about my birthday that much but for some reason it seems particularly exciting this year. Not that I have anything special planned. Maybe I will make myself a cake.

I have been under the weather for a few days, hopefully that will go away before my day. My back pain went away as mysteriously as it showed up, leaving behind general aches, pains and a scratchy throat. Can’t wait to feel better so I can get back to learning to bellydance. I still have to get out to the store to buy knitting needles so I can start working through my dvd about that. Learning to bellydance and knit are on my dreamboard for projects to accomplish this year.

Damian has been doing well, he decided he wanted solid food instead of one of his nursings today. My little guy is growing up! I have had two or three people ask me when I am going to wean him lately, or suggesting that I do so, which I don’t really get. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for at least one year and as long as mutually desired by mother and child beyond that and the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least two years. I think they have more weight in my decision then someone’s uninformed opinion. So no, I am not going to be weaning Damian any time some.

I bought Michael a songbook called Songs for Earthlings and it arrived yesterday. I am really pleased with it. It is 390 pages of Pagan songs and chants for all occasions, including sheet music. There is a section on music theory in it so I am trying to learn to read music with it. I got Michael a keyboard a couple years ago so now he has some stuff to actually play with it. If you are into Pagan music, I really recommend it, it is the only one like it out there I think.

Anyhow I’m going to go sit with Michael while he plays Deep and Fallow.

Damian is on my breastfeeding pillow in my lap here, which is where he likes to nap when I am on the computer. Windigo decided he was all for a quick nap there too, though right after Michael snapped the picture he decided it was a little too crowded for him.

By the way, I am going to start linking most my photos (except for the photoblog) to 1024×768 copies of them for family. Just click the photo for the bigger version.

This weekend my Grandpa Tolman came to visit. Mommy has lots of photos to sort but this is a little video grandpa took of me in Riverfront Park. Mommy and Daddy are talking about ways to keep the girls away from my adorableness as I grow up.

This is World Breastfeeding Week so this Saturday we might go back to the park to support La Leche League International at Kids Day. I want to lay in the grass again, it felt sooo neat!

This past Saturday, our photographer friend Andrea did some family photos of us in Manito Park. It was really fun. I really love how the photos turned out, Andrea did an excellent job.

We are hoping to get her to take a set every few months for the first year. We are going to be getting prints of a few of our favorites from this shoot. I can’t wait to see them! (and frame and scrapbook them. I have been working on Damian’s “First Year” scrapbook lately.)

This one of us is one of my favorite of the three of us (we are getting a couple extra prints of it for family too.)

These are a few of the others from that day:

For those people who read my blog and take issue with me talking about my life with Damian or attached parenting get over it, you choose to read it after all. I won’t be offended if you stop reading, I probably won’t even notice!

I have gotten several comments about commenting on my blog lately. Above the comment box on each post it has always said:

Comments are moderated and may not show up immediately. Please be patient, do not post twice, we will get your comment.

I pinkie swear that I do not purposely moderate anyones comments. Some comments go into the moderation queue for a variety of reasons but mainly because you probably clear your cookies often (I think it also happens when you or change the email address you use when you comment or post lots of links…) If your comment doesn’t show up after you post it, you can be 99.9% sure I got it and just need to approve it, which Michael or I will do when we have a moment to spare (I do delete duplicates though.)

I know I have been talking about breastfeeding a lot lately but it takes up a huge portion of my day. In fact I only have time to blog while I breastfeed. My brother had a good point though that there are other aspects to parenting I could discuss. None of them are as much of a challenge to me (or take as much time) as breastfeeding though. Still I am going to try to take hsi advice, the other stuff might be pretty interesting to some as well. Michael and I practice natural and attached parenting, so I am going to try to start talking about co-sleeping, babywearing, bathing together, cloth diapering, not letting Damian cry it out, natural childbirth and delayed vaccination.

Oh and another thing I do not intend for any of my posts to be an attack on anyone else who has an alternate parenting style to ours. Attached parenting is simply what works best for our situation. Please don’t take my posts as a personal attack on you, I don’t have time to waste attacking individuals. Believe it or not a baby is very time consuming! Hehe.

Anyhow, I will talk about all these things but Damian just dozed off so we are going to nap now… and then continue the search for the missing camera upload cable. I have some cloth diapering photos to post.

I’ve only been breastfeeding for a month and I am already outraged at people who sexualize the act of feeding your child. Don’t they realize breasts are for breastfeeding? Why else would women have them?

Damian and I took a walk over to Rite Aid today and then to the park, where he decided it was lunch time, so I picked a discreet bench under some trees and away from the road and basketball court and fed him. A lady came by a couple minutes later with her toddler and we talked for a few minutes. She said I was very brave to feed him in public.

I know her statement was not far off the mark (though I feel more stubborn type-A then brave.) I shouldn’t have to be brave to breastfeed in public though, no woman should. I am protected by Washington law after all (unlike Idaho law, so I guess I am out of luck when I go to Coeur d’Alene.) I have more coverage when Damian is at the breast (because of his handsome big baby head) then what I see some teenage girls in the street showing (heck, more then some of my party dresses.) I personally don’t feel that breastfeeding needs to be hidden away as if it were dirty. Breastmilk as well as nursing at the breast (rather then a bottle) is best for babies, there are more then enough studies to support that statement and I want to give my baby the very best since I can.

I was starting to feel like the only one who thought this way (maybe this is what growing up overseas does to you?) but I recently found a group of women who agree, which was nice. Now if only they were local instead of online… Though I think I am going to try to go to a Mindful Mamas meeting this Thursday, I feel I might find some kindred spirits there.

Let’s see, in the past three and a half weeks I’ve given birth, got a bladder infection (remember to stay hydrated people!), the van has broken down, Damian and I have gotten thrush and now Windigo has an eye infection, it looks like Aos is getting it too.

Seriously, is financial stress part of parenthood? Why does everything seem to go expensively wrong at the same time.

The gas pump died on our van a week ago and apparently a former owner replaced the fuel line with normal hose so it has to be replaced too (since it was leaking.) $700 for that. We broke down in a parking lot on our way to my two week midwife appointment, that was fun in the blistering heat. Our friend Shannon came and picked up Damian and I though (bless her) while Michael waited for the tow truck.

Damian and I have thrush at the moment (it is basically a yeast infection in his mouth that got transfered to my breasts.) I get chronic yeast infections so it is not too surprising but it is certainly not making the nursing experience pleasant. We are treating it though and it is starting to improve. I feel guilty for giving it to him, though I know it is really not my fault. though I could cut more sugars out of my diet (which hasn’t been the best this past few weeks…) I had forgotten till now how much my physical and mental self suffers when I do not control my diet better. It is more stressful emotionally then financially. It is making Damian’s bowel movements irregular, it is hard to see him struggle. I have been wearing him in the sling most of the day so that he feels secure, it seems to be helping.

I called the vet today and explained that we really couldn’t afford to bring the cats in but that I know what is wrong with them (they get this thing about once a year, it is a reoccurring herpes eye infection. They get it when they get stressed.) I said we would bring them in if we had to though, they are part of our family after all. Luckily the vet was really understanding and though he can’t give us the antibiotic without seeing them, he can give us an anti-viral gel. Michael is picking it up after work. We have never used this treatment on them so fingers crossed that it works.

Does anyone else has this problem with any of their animals? Is there anything preventative you do for it (other then trying to keep them low stress?)

The +90F heat isn’t helping any of this. We don’t have screens so we can’t open the windows to get a breeze going (we only have AC in one room) the cats would get out if I opened them as is. I called the landlady about it today and tried to be as polite as possible. She was also understanding (I am thankful for all these small miracles) and is going to see what she can do about it.

I am wondering what will happen next and how we will get through it. I know we will, we always do, and if anything this makes Michael and my relationship stronger because it shows us how much we need each others support. I am quite an optomistic person but this is even dragging me down I guess.

This will probably be amusing to some, but when I am feeling down I love listening to Walking in Memphis to calm my mind. It is such a beautiful song. Marc Cohn has such and amazing voice. Music is a force more powerful then the darkest mood in my life.

Does anyone know where my camera upload cable is? White usp cord? I’ve been looking for 3 days so I am totally cool with random guesses at this point.

Damian was 10lbs2oz at our 3 week postpartum appointment with Linda yesterday. She is amazed at how quickly he is growing. Yay for breastmilk! Breastfeeding is going really well. I don’t mind feeding him in front of people that I know now, as long as they don’t mind, and I am almost to the point I would be okay feeding him in public (I nurse him in the van if he needs it when we are out at the moment.)

At home he is super easy to nurse since I just wear a skirt and my nursing bra around the house, it might get up to 100F this weekend (wait, didn’t it snow just 3 weeks ago?) so both Damian and I are shunning most clothing lately…

I only have one bottom that fits at the moment anyhow, a broomstick skirt (I love broomstick skirts, and skirts in general.) My maternity clothes are now much too big and my pre-pregnancy pants won’t be fitting in awhile (I need to loose about 20lbs for that. Exercise and a balanced diet will fit that over time though I assume.) I have one shirt I am comfortable nursing with in public, it allows easy access since it buttons up, it is also made of a black material that hardly show leak throughs. The shirt actually use to be Michael’s but it shrank in the laundry.

The outfit is very comfortable but it makes me feel like a bag lady. Broomstick skirts are awesome but they really need a fitted top so you don’t look 10 pounds heavier (which I don’t need right now.) I know that is vain but I like to look pretty, is that so bad? I have button up fitted shirts but they were bought for a B-cup, so thet don’t fit over the current D-cup by any stretch of the imagination.

So sometime in the next week or two I am going to have to get out to Goodwill and buy myself some clothes. I adore thrift stores. In the meantime I am oogling over nursing clothes on Amazon (I love this top though it needs a onesie that says “DEMAND around the clock” to match it.) It is kind of hard knowing I am almost a plus size now when I use to be a size 4, though I know I can’t be hard on myself (yay for social stereotyping?) Anyhow, a lot of nursing tops have quite ingenious ways to allow for discreet nursing, I wish I had time to sew and was more skilled at making patterns.

Michael went back to work today so I have been flying solo with Damian since 8:30 this morning. So far we ate breakfast (both of us), napped for 2 hours, changed a cloth diaper, breastfed, changed another diaper (almost resorting to a disposable due to flailing baby), gave some comfort boob, and then he fell asleep on my chest. If I had a third arm I would take a photo in the funny balancing pose I have the laptop in so I can type this both hands…

I am going to have to extract myself from this pose shortly to make myself some more food. It hasn’t been too difficult so far but afternoon is approaching, his most active time. Maybe I will take him for a little walk in one of the wraps.

A few days ago, Michael, Damian and I drove out to Mother’s Haven where we got a breastfeeding pillow (made by Luna Lullaby, it is amazing) as well as a Maya Wrap. I love Mother’s Haven, I don’t think I will be buying any mother/baby stuff anywhere else if I can find it there. The owner is an amazing woman and the quality of her products are outstanding.

We got the Maya Wrap for Michael because it is very easy to put on and get use to. Damian loves it, we went for a walk around the Farmer’s Market with him after we bought it.

I have a Moby Wrap which is a bit tricker but better to secure Damian while I do housework. We are both getting use to it and how tight or loose it has to be. Still haven’t tried breastfeeding in either one.

Michael and I have been handfasted for one year today. We decided this morning that Damian is the best gift ever.

And the best gift ever needs a diaper change now.

perhaps not, after all the babies of the Australian social spider eat their mothers.

(Ooooo wallet!)

Anyhow, so about my first 11 days of breastfeeding Damian…

I started off using nipple shields, though I only used they for a couple days, I got really nasty bloody blisters on my nipples from them. Surprisingly enough Damian latched on right away without them. Super suck reflex!

Damian definitely does not have any form of nipple aversion but I might be getting it! Don’t get me wrong, I love breastfeeding him, it releases all kinds of happy hormones in my body but my left nipple is a leaky bucket. I am not engorged or anything, if anything it is less full then the right side! I can completely soak through a cloth prefold diaper stuffed in my bra in 20 minutes if I am feeding him on the other side, or if I am sleeping. I also have developed a small cut that has scabbed over on my nipple. Wow that hurts when he latches. I don’t know what I would do without Lanolin (it is a greasy yellow skin ointment made from wool. It moisturizes and it safe for to use while breastfeeding.)

I also have been writing this journal entry since 2 this afternoon, it is now 7. Damian is constantly feeding today and my poor breasts are sooo sore. I’ve read he naturally does this just before a growth spurt (he should be having one about now, then again at 2 or 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months, etc) but wow, today has seems to have been totally about my boobs and his wet diapers. Damian has been sleeping for about an hour now though and Michael is napping too. I probably should be but I need to take some me time (so I blog…)

Michael is being so awesome about it all, he is becoming the cloth diaper changing king. He was wearing the baby in a sling for awhile today which was really cute. If only he could help breastfeed too… Still I love breastfeeding.

Damian and I also took a bath today, which was really fun. Babies float! I totally didn’t know that, he loved being in the tub with me, he was so mellow and great (and didn’t want a boob for 25 whole minutes!)

Yesterday we had our first outing. We went out and got me some more nursing bras (so long B cup, hello D cup. A country could get lost in this cleavage) and then had a lunch stop over in Friendship Park, where Damian decided he wanted to poop and have lunch too. I fed him in the van, I am not comfortable enough with nursing to do it in public yet… Then we went grocery shopping, he was fantastic in the store, unless he stopped the cart for too long (he had this problem with the van stopping as well) then he started getting restless.

My main goal for this week before Michael goes back to work (next Monday) is to get Damian use to being in the moby wrap so I can wear him around while I work.. He doesn’t like the newborn wrap so I am going to try the kangaroo wrap tomorrow.

One handed typing now, just finished another feeding, sleeping (kinda) baby in arms. I’m going to post this now, sorry if it sounds disjointed.

Linda took this photo of us when she came to give Damian and I our 2 day check up. Tired but very happy! I have some new photos up here.

We are doing well (still tired of course.) Damian and I are really getting the hang of breastfeeding, we are already off the nipple shields. He is being sooo good about it. It is hard to get up so much at nighttime, it feels like he needs me (or rather, needs boobs) constantly, but he needs me. Michael is really good about helping burp him after and getting him to sleep again.

We had a huge thunderstorm this afternoon with about an inch of hail, some funnel clouds were even spotted. Damian slept through almost all of it (till he went poo and needed a diaper change.) Mellow baby!

Anyhow, he is napping now, so I am going to nap…

I have a question for mothers who have breastfed, what kind of nursing bra did you use?

I bought a cheap one from Walmart awhile ago (the only type that they had) and it is really uncomfortable now (I loath underwire and I don’t believe it really makes a difference.) I use to be a 36B cup but now I am a 36C. From what I understand when the baby is born my breasts will get even bigger? (Sweet.) My breast tissue is rather tender lately as well and going braless is not an option because I already need to wear breast pads almost all the time.

I don’t have a lot of disposable income so it needs to be reasonably priced. I don’t need it to be cute or lacy (never thought I would be saying that…) I need it to be effective. I put a few different kinds on my Amazon Baby Registry (scroll to the bottom) that look comfortable – has anyone used any of those types? What did you think of them?

Any other suggestions would be welcome too!