At least he thinks he is one…

Last week (just before the plague hit) I finished woodburning the top of our family altar. A friend made the solid pine piece as a handfasting gift to us. I struggled for a long time with what I wanted on it and I decided in the end that simple was best. The wood still needs to be finished. I am going to do that this summer with tung oil.

Up until last week, I was certain I was going to do my full personal symbol on it. Now I think I am going to leave it as is and engrave the central moon triquetra on that glass disk That will have to wait till after the move though. Tonight we are taking the altar over to our new home and doing a small house blessing ritual, so I am glad I finished it.

I’ve been feeling a little bit of the winter blues lately, not as bad as other years, but I know it’s there. Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD if you prefer, one of the most fitting acronyms, if there ever was. Feelings this way is a really odd state to be in for me, I am normally an optomistic person, but this time of year the gray skies and barren trees seem to directly reflect my outlook. And yes, I have one of those special lights that imitate daylight (need to dig it out of the closet.) I do not think anything works as great as the real deal though.

In a sense, it is better this year then others. I credit Damian for that, I really do. I am so busy trying to keep up with him, I do not have much time for dwelling, besides your baby’s smile is an excruciatingly hard thing to resist. He is definitely growing, I am not even sure I can call what he is does crawling anymore, scampering is more accurate, whatever it is, it is FAST. He goes from zero to ack-not-that! in less then a second. Today Michael was clapping and Damian was trying to imitate it sporadically, very comical.

The sun made an appearance long enough the a couple weeks ago for me to snap that photo of him. I need some 2009 pictures of him… Last January I think I only took three of four photos for the whole month, I am trying not to repeat that trend this time around.

There must be some kind of cosmic irony to having a birthday in January and SAD. I can’t decide if fate did that to try to cheer me up in this dark month, or to mess with me. A little morbid thinking on my part, I know. My birthday is this Friday. I want a pasta machine (thank you Dad) and an Vietnamese Ao Dai pattern is that weird? Not worried about if I get them or not though, all I really need is my loved ones near, and maybe a few extra hugs. We are probably going over to Shannon’s house on Friday, we do that every few weeks, it is especially nice to be with friends this time of year. They are like little suns, bringing their own special kind of happiness to my heart.

I am fighting that urge to hibernate, with bellydancing to keep the blood flowing, and surrounding myself with all things orange to keep my spirits up until the sun starts poking around a little more. When my mood turns towards the darker tones, I just remember that if we can never truly feel happiness if sadness does not come. Just as the flowers cannot bloom without the rain. See, optimism does persist doesn’t it?

Oh yes, and I am beginning to learn to knit too, with orange yarn of course!

I could post about the weekend, or my usual sabbat write up, or link to my podcast but, my write up needs some final touches, as does the podcast… As for posting about my weekend, it was wonderful but I am tuckered out! So I will write more tomorrow, but I wanted to say

This is something I have been working on for a couple days, all the photos are my own. I am not sure if it is done yet. That sun is part of my logo/personal symbol that my friend turned into a vector for me. I am probably going to make this a charity print when I am sure I am done with it. (Profits going to Médecins Sans Frontières.) Need to finish revamping my site first too.

Just a simple glass stone, blessed by me with strength and healing, I have them in all my houseplant pots. Just maybe they will give my plants a little extra juju to get through another Winter. (Especially this Indian rubber tree, he is not fond of the cold.)

South Skookum Lake, WA

South Skookum Lake, WA

Anyone who knows me even vaguely knows I adore the sun, I love it more then the moon even. (Is that considered Pagan sacrilege? Hehe!) I could care less about tanning though I do love my sun kisses (freckles.) For me it is more the mere presence of the sun that uplifts and empowers me. Every morning, especially when I am up to see the sun breaking the horizon, I say a little sun mantra to myself thanking it for being there for me.

I love drawing styled suns too, even my business logo has the sun in it. I love depictions of the sun, anything that catches the sun’s rays, and solar colors. Orange is my absolute favorite color. I have sun catchers in almost every window of my home, a couple of which are dragonflies, my personal sun totem. The snake, another one of my totems is definitely a sun worshiper like me. When I stand in the sun I feel like the snake, my batteries are charging up.

Whether the sun comes out or not during the day greatly affects my moods, which is evident in the past couple days. The night before last I barely got any sleep and the next day dawned gray and drizzly. I had a miserable day yesterday. Last night I didn’t get much sleep either but it was sunny today and I feel exponentially better even with my body hurting and I am a little wiped out.

What can I say? I must be solar powered!
If I loved the sun anymore I just might start photosynthesizing…

~~~

In news from the swelling baby belly front, Michael and I are pretty sure one of my ovarian cysts ruptured at about 2am last night. I thought my appendix has burst it was so excruciating – but I feel perfectly fine today though and the baby is as active as ever. Whatever twist of evolution caused cysts to exist should be kicked repeatedly in the head.

I have a buttermilk cinnamon raisin loaf in the oven right now and I can hardly wait for it to be done cooking. Oh my gosh it smells sooo incredibly good! T-25 minutes…

It is a glorious day outside, 45F! I have the windows cracked to let some of the fresh air goodness in. My patio windchime caught my eye this morning, the central glass piece was positively glowing in the midmorning sun. Spring fever has hit strongly and I feel the overwhelming urge to to indulge my nesting instincts, the equinox is only 22 days away! However, I promised to take it easy until this sciatic thing eases up, so sitting down I am.

Still, it is nearly impossible to stay put with all this gorgeous sunny day energy filtering into my home. I really want to get outside and garden (though it is wayyy to early in the season for that, this warm up cycle is just a tease) so I have tried to content myself with planning what I am going to do with our patio, (which is 3/4 concrete, 1/4 dirt.)

The dirt portion looks especially dejected right now, the snow has mostly melted off it revealing the few miscellaneous and mostly useless plastic pots I have out there. I see this area of our home as the biggest challenge, the soil is horrid – I can hardly call it soil. It is compact and full of gravel. It also receives very little sunlight during the day because our proximity to the next row of townhouse. Maybe 2/3 hours of morning sun and then 1.5 hours of partial shade on either side of that, so 5 hours of workable light, maybe 6… So it will most certainly be shade garden as well as very simple this year with the main focus on improving the soil. Can we say compost? Perhaps I will seed it will some prairie legumes (like Purple Prairie Clover) which fix nitrogen in the soil (improve soil quality.) I would love to grow some kind of shade loving vine on the wooden fence, not sure how much my neighbors would love me though if it turned out to be a prolific grower… I am not very well versed in shade plants (I have always been more of a vegetable gardener) so this is all a unique challenge.

As for the rest of the patio, 3 feet of the other side is taken up my Michael and my bicycles and a storage shelf, leaving about 7 square feet of concrete in the middle. Long and short term plans here remain very simple, a kettle grill, a small patio set (probably from a thrift store, I will know it when I see it!) and a few container plants.

Garden space has always been very important to me. I hate the hard edges of the city and even though Spokane is pretty green, I still feel that I am a million miles away from Mother Earth sometimes. Even the smallest gardens help me reconnect and as I nurture them, in return they nurture my soul.

The baby is sooo active, it is so cool! He is getting big enough that my whole stomach moves when he kicks or repositions. It kind of reminds me of Alien! (I realize that is not the most attractive definition but it is pretty true…) He is developing some rather defined awake/sleep cycles, I could set a timer by a lot of them. The most notable of them happens to be around 21:00, when I am trying to go to sleep. If I rub my tummy or hum sometimes he calms, sometimes he gets more active though, but he responds to where I touch in those cases.

Otherwise all is well except for a pet peeve I have developed (I think it is a pet peeve.) I have noticed that when I tell people that it is a boy people say, “I’m sure Michael is pleased!” What? He wouldn’t be pleased or as happy if it were a girl? I know Michael is not a typical “guy” but really are general male expectations that strongly bias as to create that stereotype? I wish people would quit saying that. We are happy it is a healthy baby, period. But like I said this is just a pregnancy pet peeve. (Also, no, Michael and I will not be decorating our little boy’s room with a sports theme, we are doing a neutral celestial one.)

Oh! And the baby really likes when I stand with direct sunlight on my belly, I wonder if he is aware of the light in a visual way or if it is more about the warmth?

I just wanted to wish everyone a blessed Winter Solstice. I am completely rejoicing with the thought of the returning sun. Longer days, yes!

Also Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Yule, Hanakhah, slightly belated Saturnalia and everything else I am missing! I hope you all find the brightest joy in this season of so many holidays!